Our Exes Still Haunt Us
Or so the Internet has informed me.
The first week without the app made me smile a little. My reflex to hit the app wasn't as bad as I thought it would be; it was no more a hindrance than reflexedly hitting the Facebook icon. By the end of the week, I was barely having to think about the missing app. I worried that by letting him remain subbed to my YouTube channel, that it would set me back psychologically whenever my new S.O. and I tried to do anything physical.
I still think about Abrams from time to time. Nothing major, nothing intrusive. Just these fleeting thoughts here and there that make me wonder what he'd think. We spoke a couple of times through the Xbox app about the Apex game (when he asked my thoughts on it) and played for about an hour this past weekend, but aside from that, there's been no other contact.
It was easier than I thought it was, but I don't deny I don't think of him here and there.
I still wonder if he's told the others that he stopped contact with me.
I wonder if he sees my posts mentioning Aron and feels jealous - even just a little - that I'm with someone else and "over" him.
I wonder if he misses playing with me, or if he's distanced himself from the idea.
I wonder if he's going to unsub from my channel, or doesn't keep up with it much anymore, because Aron appears in some of my videos.
I wonder if he put the plushies into a box somewhere, or left them on display, to respect the time "we" had together.
It's still a weird feeling to look at the photos of Aron and myself together. (Side Note: It took over a month for me to really internalize that "us" meant Aron and myself were an official couple)
I like to think Aron and Abrams actually would have gotten along in terms of sheer quirkiness - although there are definitely differences between the two. Abrams' temper was one of the major things I never really learnt to deal with, and thankfully Aron is way more easygoing and will take things in stride.
Of course, it's not as simple as taking Abrams out of his spot and expecting Aron to be the same.
The skill gap isn't quite as huge, thank god - maybe it's because he was primarily a PC player, but he is just as bad on console as I am. I am "used" to Abrams saving me and mostly handling the fight on his own due to several years of FPS habits; Aron is definitely not like that at all. I anticipated him being good at shooters but he's having as much trouble adjusting to Apex Legends as I am, which means we feel more like a team than One Person Carries The Other.
We don't have the same innuendo jokes, there's no Borderlands history, he doesn't necessarily get the in-jokes about Battleborn/Lawbreakers, and obviously, we don't have multiple years of history to look back upon.
Our synergy was off and felt awkard for the first little while - partially because we started off playing on Switch and his phone Discord had a ton of white noise - but we've been playing more often in Overwatch and Apex, and we're starting to hit our stride.
But aside from that, it's been good. It's been a pleasure to joke around, to swap out inventories, to talk about in-game strats and just... not feel bad about Not Doing The Proper Thing when I can't save him, or when I mistime a flank, or all other fifty things that Abrams and I would eventually dissolve into a petty spat about.
It's been good to feel okay about losing, and know that Aron doesn't care. He just wants to have fun. :)
The first week without the app made me smile a little. My reflex to hit the app wasn't as bad as I thought it would be; it was no more a hindrance than reflexedly hitting the Facebook icon. By the end of the week, I was barely having to think about the missing app. I worried that by letting him remain subbed to my YouTube channel, that it would set me back psychologically whenever my new S.O. and I tried to do anything physical.
I still think about Abrams from time to time. Nothing major, nothing intrusive. Just these fleeting thoughts here and there that make me wonder what he'd think. We spoke a couple of times through the Xbox app about the Apex game (when he asked my thoughts on it) and played for about an hour this past weekend, but aside from that, there's been no other contact.
It was easier than I thought it was, but I don't deny I don't think of him here and there.
I still wonder if he's told the others that he stopped contact with me.
I wonder if he sees my posts mentioning Aron and feels jealous - even just a little - that I'm with someone else and "over" him.
I wonder if he misses playing with me, or if he's distanced himself from the idea.
I wonder if he's going to unsub from my channel, or doesn't keep up with it much anymore, because Aron appears in some of my videos.
I wonder if he put the plushies into a box somewhere, or left them on display, to respect the time "we" had together.
It's still a weird feeling to look at the photos of Aron and myself together. (Side Note: It took over a month for me to really internalize that "us" meant Aron and myself were an official couple)
I like to think Aron and Abrams actually would have gotten along in terms of sheer quirkiness - although there are definitely differences between the two. Abrams' temper was one of the major things I never really learnt to deal with, and thankfully Aron is way more easygoing and will take things in stride.
Of course, it's not as simple as taking Abrams out of his spot and expecting Aron to be the same.
The skill gap isn't quite as huge, thank god - maybe it's because he was primarily a PC player, but he is just as bad on console as I am. I am "used" to Abrams saving me and mostly handling the fight on his own due to several years of FPS habits; Aron is definitely not like that at all. I anticipated him being good at shooters but he's having as much trouble adjusting to Apex Legends as I am, which means we feel more like a team than One Person Carries The Other.
We don't have the same innuendo jokes, there's no Borderlands history, he doesn't necessarily get the in-jokes about Battleborn/Lawbreakers, and obviously, we don't have multiple years of history to look back upon.
Our synergy was off and felt awkard for the first little while - partially because we started off playing on Switch and his phone Discord had a ton of white noise - but we've been playing more often in Overwatch and Apex, and we're starting to hit our stride.
But aside from that, it's been good. It's been a pleasure to joke around, to swap out inventories, to talk about in-game strats and just... not feel bad about Not Doing The Proper Thing when I can't save him, or when I mistime a flank, or all other fifty things that Abrams and I would eventually dissolve into a petty spat about.
It's been good to feel okay about losing, and know that Aron doesn't care. He just wants to have fun. :)