So much fear, so little bang
I got my BiPAP machine yesterday afternoon. (That's Bi-level Positive Air Pressure machine for you uninformed out there.) It's a mask thing that blows air in your head so you don't snore or stop breathing in the middle of the night (otherwise known as Obstructive Sleep Apnea). It took 2 hours yesterday afternoon to find a mask that was both reasonably comfortable (IE did not provoke screaming fits of anxiety - yes, literally) and that didn't leak everytime the machine got up to the airpressure setting that I've actually been prescribed. (part of what was triggering the screaming fits of anxiety-when it goes "pouff" and there's air blowing in my eyes and this thing fluttering/fwapping against my face I just freak out... can't explain it... can't control it.... just gotta work around it!).
On the other hand, I can't actually tolerate the air pressure level I've been prescribed. I think I'm going to have to work my way up to it, and I think I'm going to have a really hard time convincing my sleep specialist (prescribing doc) that we're going to have to do it that way. On the other hand, if it's a choice between starting low and taking a couple months to work up to the "right" pressure versus I put the goddamn contraption back in it's cute little bag and stick it in the closet to gather dust, I think she'll see things my way. And if she doesn't, I'll get a different doctor.
On the other hand, I can't actually tolerate the air pressure level I've been prescribed. I think I'm going to have to work my way up to it, and I think I'm going to have a really hard time convincing my sleep specialist (prescribing doc) that we're going to have to do it that way. On the other hand, if it's a choice between starting low and taking a couple months to work up to the "right" pressure versus I put the goddamn contraption back in it's cute little bag and stick it in the closet to gather dust, I think she'll see things my way. And if she doesn't, I'll get a different doctor.