(no subject)
things i've scribbled on notepads and napkins from the start of this beautiful thing to the now.
chronology
I.
where i am monologues and
black & white photography, you
are neon and one-night stands
the antithesis of everything
i've ever wanted
II.
i never expected this piece of you, either
couldn't have foreseen the
feel of these artistic scabs or the
purr of your voice before your mouth
was on mine and i was
aching, aching
III.
well, the moon was frowning.
IV.
(silly, silly girl.)
V.
and this is us; fleeting,
constant, now.
VI.
but somewhere between the dancing
and the safety of laughter at midnight,
i realized you were real.
it scared me.
perhaps it scared you, too.
VII.
we are going fast, fast, fast
but somehow never hurrying.
VIII.
they say: be careful, be careful
BE CAUTIOUS.
(in blinking red speech)
they say: it won't last
he says: we. will. be. amazing.
and i stand a little straighter
when i see them
IX.
their gossiping eyes watch us
i tell my head to shut up because
now is not the time to give in
to peer pressure
no, not now
X.
my hair laces around your
wrists like subliminal messages;
I COULD LOVE YOU. and he whispers,
save me, save me
XI.
because when we kiss, i don't just
taste air but a
piece of
you.
XII.
he flips my cell phone open and stares at the
screen. snap. click. close.
we could make this official, he says
but really he means, this is your last chance
if not, i'm gone
i reply with stares and a smile
that still need interpreting
XIII.
"i need you. i need you to need me."
it's not really a question but i'm
answering anyway
yes, yes, yes
XIV.
we lie entwined here, where our bodies should really be imprinted in the leather by now. the dimlights cast shadows on your face as you grip my shoulders, exhaling, "say something, anything." and i say, "something. anything." and you kiss me on the mouth.
XV.
we are those lives that are beautiful to envy
XVI.
still; i tore your back like a second language
XVII.
I HAVE BEEN HANDED WONDER
XVIII.
it was all accidental, these kitchen confessionals. they whisper four am lovesick into your eradrums even though there isn't such a thing as seperation. five am now, and the sins have piled from the floor to the ceiling. he says, "i think i'm falling in love with you." and i think i'm forgetting how to breathe. in these moments when i don't believe in gravity.
IXX.
"she is my light."
i'm also your
anxiety problems
air
late afternoons
and yours.
XX.
i burrow into blankets to
try and hide the way i'm smiling
but he sees it anyway
don't, he says, it's okay to be happy
XXI.
she's overlooked the
love bites on my neck where i said, don't.
don't stop. as if you meant to
XXII.
and i won again
XXIII.
i swear to god i love this
i do, i do, i do
XXIV.
& this is when we become the now.
XXV.
the winter's cold that is tangled in our clothes and dances with our hair is battling the blankets that carry his scent and a warmth like summer's. and all the while, we are hidden here. he gigles when i grin into his mouth during these nights of modern poetry. (which is what.we.are) and i love the way he whispers to my neck; YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.
XXVI.
and once again my head is screaming;
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU
but my mouth is too scared to
say anything at all.
chronology
I.
where i am monologues and
black & white photography, you
are neon and one-night stands
the antithesis of everything
i've ever wanted
II.
i never expected this piece of you, either
couldn't have foreseen the
feel of these artistic scabs or the
purr of your voice before your mouth
was on mine and i was
aching, aching
III.
well, the moon was frowning.
IV.
(silly, silly girl.)
V.
and this is us; fleeting,
constant, now.
VI.
but somewhere between the dancing
and the safety of laughter at midnight,
i realized you were real.
it scared me.
perhaps it scared you, too.
VII.
we are going fast, fast, fast
but somehow never hurrying.
VIII.
they say: be careful, be careful
BE CAUTIOUS.
(in blinking red speech)
they say: it won't last
he says: we. will. be. amazing.
and i stand a little straighter
when i see them
IX.
their gossiping eyes watch us
i tell my head to shut up because
now is not the time to give in
to peer pressure
no, not now
X.
my hair laces around your
wrists like subliminal messages;
I COULD LOVE YOU. and he whispers,
save me, save me
XI.
because when we kiss, i don't just
taste air but a
piece of
you.
XII.
he flips my cell phone open and stares at the
screen. snap. click. close.
we could make this official, he says
but really he means, this is your last chance
if not, i'm gone
i reply with stares and a smile
that still need interpreting
XIII.
"i need you. i need you to need me."
it's not really a question but i'm
answering anyway
yes, yes, yes
XIV.
we lie entwined here, where our bodies should really be imprinted in the leather by now. the dimlights cast shadows on your face as you grip my shoulders, exhaling, "say something, anything." and i say, "something. anything." and you kiss me on the mouth.
XV.
we are those lives that are beautiful to envy
XVI.
still; i tore your back like a second language
XVII.
I HAVE BEEN HANDED WONDER
XVIII.
it was all accidental, these kitchen confessionals. they whisper four am lovesick into your eradrums even though there isn't such a thing as seperation. five am now, and the sins have piled from the floor to the ceiling. he says, "i think i'm falling in love with you." and i think i'm forgetting how to breathe. in these moments when i don't believe in gravity.
IXX.
"she is my light."
i'm also your
anxiety problems
air
late afternoons
and yours.
XX.
i burrow into blankets to
try and hide the way i'm smiling
but he sees it anyway
don't, he says, it's okay to be happy
XXI.
she's overlooked the
love bites on my neck where i said, don't.
don't stop. as if you meant to
XXII.
and i won again
XXIII.
i swear to god i love this
i do, i do, i do
XXIV.
& this is when we become the now.
XXV.
the winter's cold that is tangled in our clothes and dances with our hair is battling the blankets that carry his scent and a warmth like summer's. and all the while, we are hidden here. he gigles when i grin into his mouth during these nights of modern poetry. (which is what.we.are) and i love the way he whispers to my neck; YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.
XXVI.
and once again my head is screaming;
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU
but my mouth is too scared to
say anything at all.