(no subject)
i feel like i'm constantly battling warnings and hypocrisy. i'm in a stale mate against failing friendships, and something about the sky outside is really frightening. it snowed for about five minutes this afternoon. i got excited. it stopped as soon as i opened my mouth (i should have known). there's a gift wrapped box of butterflies sitting under my bed, with a label clearly marked "from me to you". well, when we kiss, i don't just taste air, but a piece of you. it's wonderful, really. as much as i hate to let it show, hate to let it show that you've completely taken me over. but i suppose that, deep down, you already know that. kitchen confessionals, whispering four am lovesick into your eardrums. five am now, and the sins have piled up from the floor to the ceiling. sins? i'd prefer fears. or passions. i guess it's up to you to decide which word fits better though. after all, they are your words. "she is my light." i'm also your anxiety problems, your air and yours. it's embarrassing how you make me sick. (lovesick at four am?) it all intertwines. yes, you're right, dear. call me an eskimo, enigmatic, greek breath. the last one makes me laugh. you only use it when you're frustrated. to let me know that you are. but the flicker in your eyes betrays your intentions before you even get to breathe. "wordless songs still take air to sing." it's my favorite thing you've ever written. you matched a melody to it through piano chords and dissonance, while i sat in your lap, observing your calloused hands create more wonder in this world. well, it was beautiful. you're beautiful? this is disgusting. we're stuck inside a line, not a cycle, for this one has a period at the end. college. europe. pain. there doesn't have to be one. please? "i'll never hurt you, unless i hurt myself too. 'let's get the shit kicked out of us by love', right?" sure. i still don't favor that idea, though. i've changed you so much. your friends, those girls you've ripped apart along the way, your family...they don't quite believe it. to be honest, neither do i. but i have faith, and as seemingly small as that might be, it's just enough. i love it when my hair gets in your mouth when you kiss my neck. every movie night we have, i move the ottoman to the middle of the room, closer to the couch that should really have our bodies imprinted on its leather by now. and every movie night we have, you laugh and smile and say "i love watching you do this" and you laugh again, call me cute, kiss my forehead, sink back into blankets, and the problems of the world fade away because nothing is more important than being infinite. i couldn't fall asleep last night because of those damn butterflies. "what a curious life we have found here."