the gutter catches the rain and all else of lesser beauty
i think i've always hated too much drama, too much hopless romanticism too. i've always favored action - fast paced with bullets flying. sometimes its hard not to dramatize the situation, at least in your own mind. i guess thats normal. i'd like my feet on the ground but i love the feel of falling just as well. maybe more, sometimes.
i think its natural to want what we cant have, sort of a challenge to ourselves. of course, and we all know it really, thats not usually the best way to get anything. well, except depressing thoughts of why you don't measure up. which happens to be important to everyone, more so at times, even if they deny it.
but i'm babbling, my topic sorta changed again. i'm not sure what the topic was, or even what i wanted it to be though. - just needed to feel the words more than explain anything to anyone else but myself....i wonder how much i really care if anyone gets it. i suppose you should all be 'getting' yourselves before you try getting me, or anyone else. you will never understand anything if you cant understand yourself. and here i am, in a state of finding a corner of myself that i didn't know was there, or at least had never been in before. its almost stupid really, to think of. i'm not so much worried for myself, for there are no plans to undo myself through myself.
i'm not even sure i was unhappy anymore....maybe it was more of a relief of anything that i had built up inside. there's rarely a better time for that sort of thing than when you're with someone amazing to comfort you. honestly i wasn't all that comforted, probably because of the sense of silence that couldn't be broken then.
i smile now, but i feel almost as if part of me is gone. actually, i think it is, i gave it away. theres a part of me that bleeds where a chunk of my heart used to be..i've given it to him and i don't regret that at all. but until he fully realizes that, i have an empty space that i need filled. its like this chunk of my heart is suspended between us, but the only way my heart can reach full regeneration is if he takes it and truly understands it; makes it his own, in a sense.
just like i want that piece of him. -to fill the gap and make it stronger.
sounds perfect i guess, but everything does on paper... i wonder how often that actually applies. perfection, i mean. i cant think of any times right now, but i hate perfection so i don't really care to. the only state of perfection that i like is the state of imperfection.....
he's perfect in his imperfections ..and thats why i melt when i'm with him. the heat of his gaze and touch...i would melt a thousand times to feel them one more time. woth the time, every time.
i'm babbling again....every time i try for shortness it always ends up so lengthy.
i could talk for years and still not describe this well enough...or even what this means to me.
don't try to understand, just know that you already do.
i think its natural to want what we cant have, sort of a challenge to ourselves. of course, and we all know it really, thats not usually the best way to get anything. well, except depressing thoughts of why you don't measure up. which happens to be important to everyone, more so at times, even if they deny it.
but i'm babbling, my topic sorta changed again. i'm not sure what the topic was, or even what i wanted it to be though. - just needed to feel the words more than explain anything to anyone else but myself....i wonder how much i really care if anyone gets it. i suppose you should all be 'getting' yourselves before you try getting me, or anyone else. you will never understand anything if you cant understand yourself. and here i am, in a state of finding a corner of myself that i didn't know was there, or at least had never been in before. its almost stupid really, to think of. i'm not so much worried for myself, for there are no plans to undo myself through myself.
i'm not even sure i was unhappy anymore....maybe it was more of a relief of anything that i had built up inside. there's rarely a better time for that sort of thing than when you're with someone amazing to comfort you. honestly i wasn't all that comforted, probably because of the sense of silence that couldn't be broken then.
i smile now, but i feel almost as if part of me is gone. actually, i think it is, i gave it away. theres a part of me that bleeds where a chunk of my heart used to be..i've given it to him and i don't regret that at all. but until he fully realizes that, i have an empty space that i need filled. its like this chunk of my heart is suspended between us, but the only way my heart can reach full regeneration is if he takes it and truly understands it; makes it his own, in a sense.
just like i want that piece of him. -to fill the gap and make it stronger.
sounds perfect i guess, but everything does on paper... i wonder how often that actually applies. perfection, i mean. i cant think of any times right now, but i hate perfection so i don't really care to. the only state of perfection that i like is the state of imperfection.....
he's perfect in his imperfections ..and thats why i melt when i'm with him. the heat of his gaze and touch...i would melt a thousand times to feel them one more time. woth the time, every time.
i'm babbling again....every time i try for shortness it always ends up so lengthy.
i could talk for years and still not describe this well enough...or even what this means to me.
don't try to understand, just know that you already do.