it starts like this.....
ya know the feeling that something's wrong, but you aren't really sure what it is. -not with you though, but with someone else? you can just sense that they are 'off' ...at least towards you. but then you just kinda brush it off and sum it up to "maybe they are just having a bad day, they'll bounce back soon"......but what if they don't?
what if they don't call, or don't talk, or walk away, or don't touch, or seem so detached [but only from you], ...or all of the above?
maybe its just a bad day, although that reasoning is starting to not fit because this feeling has bridged the gaps between days now. its almost like a puzzle..trying to piece together events and vibes to figure out whats going on with someone else.
i'm not sure i've ever felt so outrightedly unwanted before either. like all the "oh, no really,its okay if you cant" were just masking what they really meant [and sounded like anyway]: "please don't, it'd be better that way." i almost didn't....go that is, but i thought that whole bad day thing again. just go, i thought, its fine, maybe even bring cheer.
but it seemed as if that wasn't really so. i'm not sure what it was, or what i've done....or maybe what someone else is doing?....but sometimes ya cant just smile and act like you don't noticed how ignored you are. how out of place as well.
and suddenly theres a minute of chance for togetherness...so willingly blown away for a shit excuse of buttons to be pushed. let it slide...just sit there, its odd how alone one can feel when in a room full of people..more lost in my own thoughts than the commotion around me, i guess.
i didn't like it, but i wasn't going to make a mess of it. maybe it was just me anyway? i'm not really sure. i didn't realize how the placement of ones body next to someone else can just require SO much effort that it simply cannot be done...must not have been very important then..
and then, when finally i don't feel so out of place, when i've found something to latch onto, and i could smile and not feel so much like something only wanted when no one else is around [please don't say one person, i think i would waste away to the nothingness that seems to have been thrown in my direction] i get the icy heat of a stare ....biting into me hard.
but i guess the fun can never end there, not until the cold air bites at my ears and tears at my heart, just a little, just enough. enough to make me wonder, make me think, make me mathematical and attempt to add all this together, ....but now suddenly it seems i'm in the wrong. the moon is no place for little girls.
and little girls are not allowed to wander by themselves unless they are thrown that way...they aren't allowed to chose it. no. for that would bring anger...more detachment? yes. and not even a hand held to warm the chills that have set in, crawling on my spine. its as if i wanted to scream out ITS ALL MY FAULT...even though i don't even know whats wrong. and i guess i never will, because its not with me, and the wind only wispers dark secrets and nothing of what you know. nothing of your reasons .......just a warning and a promise and a moment of stability found in a time where everything is falling apart for everyone.
its amazing how one ruin can fill the gaps in something that is starting to crumble.
and i'd let this mind of mine roam more, but perhaps its already gone far enough. too many paths it could take and get lost without ever knowing which one is the real one and how wrong [or right] it is. maybe, through notes, although strained and worried, i could hear an answer in an echo. i hope the echo isn't just what i want to hear, for there once was a time when echo could say what she wanted.
i just don't understand why i wasn't told. why, when i am supposed to be so close, i am still kept so far on things. i didn't understand and i still don't, but i want to. and as warm as the wind wishes to be, this summer breeze is numbing me, and the frost bite eats my heart. look at me and take a breath....let outa all the air you hold inside so i can see if i am better off frozen...or if you are feezing yourself.
i only worry about what i can see....and every time i close my eyes i see what could be...and what i may never know under this wall that blocks the wind from whispering in my ears. break it down....or better yet. be my wind.
what if they don't call, or don't talk, or walk away, or don't touch, or seem so detached [but only from you], ...or all of the above?
maybe its just a bad day, although that reasoning is starting to not fit because this feeling has bridged the gaps between days now. its almost like a puzzle..trying to piece together events and vibes to figure out whats going on with someone else.
i'm not sure i've ever felt so outrightedly unwanted before either. like all the "oh, no really,its okay if you cant" were just masking what they really meant [and sounded like anyway]: "please don't, it'd be better that way." i almost didn't....go that is, but i thought that whole bad day thing again. just go, i thought, its fine, maybe even bring cheer.
but it seemed as if that wasn't really so. i'm not sure what it was, or what i've done....or maybe what someone else is doing?....but sometimes ya cant just smile and act like you don't noticed how ignored you are. how out of place as well.
and suddenly theres a minute of chance for togetherness...so willingly blown away for a shit excuse of buttons to be pushed. let it slide...just sit there, its odd how alone one can feel when in a room full of people..more lost in my own thoughts than the commotion around me, i guess.
i didn't like it, but i wasn't going to make a mess of it. maybe it was just me anyway? i'm not really sure. i didn't realize how the placement of ones body next to someone else can just require SO much effort that it simply cannot be done...must not have been very important then..
and then, when finally i don't feel so out of place, when i've found something to latch onto, and i could smile and not feel so much like something only wanted when no one else is around [please don't say one person, i think i would waste away to the nothingness that seems to have been thrown in my direction] i get the icy heat of a stare ....biting into me hard.
but i guess the fun can never end there, not until the cold air bites at my ears and tears at my heart, just a little, just enough. enough to make me wonder, make me think, make me mathematical and attempt to add all this together, ....but now suddenly it seems i'm in the wrong. the moon is no place for little girls.
and little girls are not allowed to wander by themselves unless they are thrown that way...they aren't allowed to chose it. no. for that would bring anger...more detachment? yes. and not even a hand held to warm the chills that have set in, crawling on my spine. its as if i wanted to scream out ITS ALL MY FAULT...even though i don't even know whats wrong. and i guess i never will, because its not with me, and the wind only wispers dark secrets and nothing of what you know. nothing of your reasons .......just a warning and a promise and a moment of stability found in a time where everything is falling apart for everyone.
its amazing how one ruin can fill the gaps in something that is starting to crumble.
and i'd let this mind of mine roam more, but perhaps its already gone far enough. too many paths it could take and get lost without ever knowing which one is the real one and how wrong [or right] it is. maybe, through notes, although strained and worried, i could hear an answer in an echo. i hope the echo isn't just what i want to hear, for there once was a time when echo could say what she wanted.
i just don't understand why i wasn't told. why, when i am supposed to be so close, i am still kept so far on things. i didn't understand and i still don't, but i want to. and as warm as the wind wishes to be, this summer breeze is numbing me, and the frost bite eats my heart. look at me and take a breath....let outa all the air you hold inside so i can see if i am better off frozen...or if you are feezing yourself.
i only worry about what i can see....and every time i close my eyes i see what could be...and what i may never know under this wall that blocks the wind from whispering in my ears. break it down....or better yet. be my wind.