[EM] 19 - I've Been Cheated
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When I was younger I felt like I had been cheated out of a lot of things. Out of a life perhaps I was meant to have, simply for my own protection. I was raised by others in an orphanage and told stories of just why I had been there. Instead of taking it as my salvation, I saw it as a restriction of who I was supposed to be. I imagined that the live I was owed was so great, so wonderful that I simply wasn't ready to experience it.
Over the years I understood less and less of why I had been given away. I felt anger, or maybe a betrayal from my own flesh and blood. To think that I had been simply handed off like something unwanted angered me.
I grew up with a resentment for who I was supposed to become. I ran the streets breaking laws, being a criminal until someone saved me from it all. It wasn't even being saved though, because I just ended up being taken from one wrong situation into another one. I took all my doubt over who I was meant to become, and became someone else. I became the woman that Roberto thought he saw in me, maybe I saw it too for a moment.
Still though I was being cheated of the truth. Hidden from the lies that he knew would end up ruining the trust he had built between us. I made sure the lies ended there, and cheated myself of my innocence. I grew up, I hid, I tried to be anything but the person I had actually never wanted to be. Then the day came that revealed just what I had been cheated out of.
The day I met my father, still is clouded over by so many things. The truth is that even to this day meeting him no matter the circumstance, no matter the situation, was one thing I actually experienced. There was nothing to be taken away from me, and yet in that single moment I lost it all. The dreams of who my father had been when I was a child all faded away the second the needle slipped beneath my skin, and to this day I still feel cheated.
When I was younger I felt like I had been cheated out of a lot of things. Out of a life perhaps I was meant to have, simply for my own protection. I was raised by others in an orphanage and told stories of just why I had been there. Instead of taking it as my salvation, I saw it as a restriction of who I was supposed to be. I imagined that the live I was owed was so great, so wonderful that I simply wasn't ready to experience it.
Over the years I understood less and less of why I had been given away. I felt anger, or maybe a betrayal from my own flesh and blood. To think that I had been simply handed off like something unwanted angered me.
I grew up with a resentment for who I was supposed to become. I ran the streets breaking laws, being a criminal until someone saved me from it all. It wasn't even being saved though, because I just ended up being taken from one wrong situation into another one. I took all my doubt over who I was meant to become, and became someone else. I became the woman that Roberto thought he saw in me, maybe I saw it too for a moment.
Still though I was being cheated of the truth. Hidden from the lies that he knew would end up ruining the trust he had built between us. I made sure the lies ended there, and cheated myself of my innocence. I grew up, I hid, I tried to be anything but the person I had actually never wanted to be. Then the day came that revealed just what I had been cheated out of.
The day I met my father, still is clouded over by so many things. The truth is that even to this day meeting him no matter the circumstance, no matter the situation, was one thing I actually experienced. There was nothing to be taken away from me, and yet in that single moment I lost it all. The dreams of who my father had been when I was a child all faded away the second the needle slipped beneath my skin, and to this day I still feel cheated.