[ikon: jinhwan/junhwe] let sparks fly (and dreams launch) (1/2)

[idyleski]

title: let sparks fly (and dreams launch)
fandom: ikon
pairing: jinhwan/junhwe
word count: 10,174
a/n: happy (late) birthday kalopsia!! i hope you had a great birthday and your year continues to be wonderful. this is me being cheap and uncreative and using that headcanon we discussed awhile ago in those emails as a bday fic.



let sparks fly (and dreams launch)

it’s glaringly obvious, really.

it’s actually so incredibly obvious that there’s really no way someone can’t notice it. jinhwan is nothing but observant, so it doesn’t escape his eye that sometime three months after junhwe and yunhyeong arrive at yg, junhwe catches a case of awkward around him.

not awkward in the sense where he won’t stay in the same room as jinhwan for more than a second; in fact, it’s almost the opposite. goo junhwe is far from awkward, possessing much more charisma than others in the industry do at his age. he settled in rather well with rest of them and became friends quickly, and the only exception is that he can’t seem to stay more than five seconds alone with is bobby.

he wasn’t awkward around jinhwan in the beginning, which is why he surveys junhwe carefully from the corner of his eye as they’re taking a rare break from dance practice. junhwe is standing to the side, somewhere in between where hanbin and yunhyeong are, and where jinhwan is sitting on the bench, lying on bobby’s shoulder. it’s disgusting and sweaty and jinhwan wrinkles his nose as he watches junhwe rock back and forth on his feet.

bobby snickers from behind his phone and it jostles jinhwan into his armpit which is absolutely filthy and he never wants to smell something so gross ever again. junhwe pauses in between rocking and glances up from the floor to look at jinhwan, who smiles despite the fact his nose spent a second too long in bobby’s armpit. there’s a small flush spreading up the back of the younger’s neck and it’s pretty cute, actually.

this time, bobby lets out a full laugh, lips pulled back to showcase his front teeth that jinhwan may or may not find a little bit cute as well. his face is once again too close to bobby’s armpit for his own comfort. jinhwan scowls in mock disgust as he pushes bobby to the side, getting up to sit next to junhwe’s feet. bobby sends him a wicked smile as he situates himself comfortably. he can feel junhwe freeze up next to him for less than a second before sliding down next to him. the gears turn in his mind turn and click into place.

junhwe twiddles with his thumbs and bobby looks like he’s about a second away from bursting out into laughter. jinhwan sends him a dark glare and bobby’s sends hanbin a knowing look as he goes back to looking at his phone. sighing inwardly, jinhwan turns over to junhwe, who darts away, and jinhwan’s mouth draws into an involuntary smile.

“you know he likes you, right?” hanbin asks one night when the three of them are at the studio. jinhwan looks up sleepily from where he’d, not that he’d ever admit it, almost fallen asleep on hanbin’s shoulder. untangling his arms from hanbin’s waist, jinhwan scooches up in the hard plastic chair and rubs at his eyes.

he blinks drowsily and hanbin has what bobby likes to call his leader face on, but the effect is rather ruined considering hanbin looks as though he’s about to faint at any moment. “you should get some rest,” jinhwan murmurs as he runs his hand through hanbin’s hair, and if bobby’s eye bags are considered bad, then he’s not even sure what hanbin’s are. hanbin’s hair is slightly damp and he ducks to head to avoid jinhwan’s hand.

“in an hour,” he says, and despite the fact that he’s two years younger, hanbin looks so incredibly old and weary.

jinhwan hums as he resumes running his fingers through hanbin’s hair. “half an hour,” he tells him firmly and hanbin opens his mouth, as if about to argue, then promptly closes it. bobby turns back around to face the monitor, once hanbin continues to work.

they end up leaving closer to an hour later, much to jinhwan’s chagrin, walking side by side on a sidewalk that’s only meant for two. the streets are illuminated by the occasional flickering lamplight. the stars in the city are dimmer, not only obscured by the clouds but by the city itself. jinhwan is hit with a sudden longing for home and bobby looks at him knowingly.

“it’s probably just a crush,” jinhwan murmurs as he opens the front door to their dorm. the three of them stand next to each other in the elevator and bobby wraps his arms around jinhwan as he hooks his chin over his shoulder.

“an extremely big, obvious crush,” bobby grins at them and jinhwan flicks his forehead affectionately as the elevator comes to a halt. “you have to admit it’s kind of cute, though.” jinhwan leans into bobby’s chest as he allows him to do most of the work as they walk forward.

hanbin is frowning at the both of them, crossing his arms as he lets out a slight huff. “as long as it doesn’t interfere with the group, i suppose it’s alright.” inwardly jinhwan sighs, hanbin has too many worries for someone his age. he doesn’t need another one.

“he’s fifteen,” jinhwan whispers as they step into the dark living room and bobby nearly trips on someone’s shoe in front of the door, almost sending both of them sprawling onto the hardwood floor. “it’s just a crush, it’ll probably pass. don’t worry about it.”

hanbin still doesn’t look entirely convinced though, and jinhwan would probably spend more time reassuring him if it weren’t for the fact that hanbin and bobby’s daily dosage of sleep, or lack thereof, was a more pressing matter.

sometime later, hanbin quietly pulls back jinhwan’s covers to crawl into bed with him and the two of them are facing each other. in the darkness, jinhwan blinks at hanbin and despite the fact that he probably couldn’t see his own hand right now, he can still sense the tiredness etched onto hanbin’s face.

“it’s just that i’m worried about the group, you know,” hanbin says, so softly it’s nearly inaudible. jinhwan doesn’t tell him that he knows, he doesn’t need to say it out loud.

it's quite endearing actually. at least, jinhwan thinks so.

there's the way junhwe will fumble around him, how sometimes he'll trip over his own feet as he scrambles to follow jinhwan out the door. he has to reprimand bobby constantly to not laugh at the fifteen year old, at least not when they're in the same general vicinity.

"he's like a lost puppy," bobby tells him late one night when they're at the studio again, hanbin and bobby working on the song for the upcoming monthly evaluation, and jinhwan there for moral support (and to make sure that they don't pull another all-nighter). junhwe has the tendency to follow jinhwan around like a small child.

in the dorms, he'll trail around him from time to time, following him from room to room, attempting not to be obvious about it, but in actuality he's hopelessly so.

on one of their days off, junhwe ends up trailing behind him as he moves from room to room, casually lingering close enough to jinhwan to be just a tad creepy (hanbin's words, not his, as he moves through the kitchen and quirks an eyebrow at him while grabbing a quick snack before going back to his room and shutting the door), but keeping a large enough distance that it's still somewhat cute.

"um, hyung," yunhyeong whispers to him in a slightly conspiratorial voice, "junhwe's been following you around all day." with his head, he gestures in junhwe's direction.

turning around, jinhwan cranes his neck to see the fifteen year old sitting outside the kitchen, book in his hands.

he's only flipped the page once in the last ten minutes. jinhwan is fairly certain it doesn't take that long to read one piece.

"it's alright," he waves his hand in a dismissive manner, continuing to eat, shoving the udon noodles into his mouth to stop himself from smiling. yunhyeong shrugs his shoulders and drops the matter, instead asking him if he can help him after his vocal lessons tomorrow.

it's kind of cute, really, the light dusting of pink on junhwe's cheeks when jinhwan catches him staring. he turns around the very next second, feigning interest as he pretends to inspect the spotless, white dorm walls.

and then there are the moments when junhwe doesn't think he's paying attention. he's not nearly as subtle as he thinks he is.

he's sitting on the couch, watching music bank or at least trying to, but it's kind of hard with the unsubtle glances junhwe is giving him from the opposite side of the room. he can't help the small, upwards quirk of his lips as junhwe fiddles with the seams of his jeans. sighing, jinhwan lowers the volume of the television.

"there's an empty seat on the couch, you know," jinhwan says absently as he watches big bang's performance on screen.

"um," junhwe responds eloquently, pointing to himself with a slightly gaping mouth.

jinhwan nods. it's not as though anyone else is in the room. bobby is busy showing off to donghyuk and yunhyeong is practicing. hanbin is either holed up in his room working or passed out on the bunk. junhwe almost trips over his own feet as he moves to sit next to him.

he's not supposed to be indulging in junhwe's crush. they're both trainees and junhwe is young. inviting the fifteen year old to sit next to him isn't the how he's supposed to stop his pointless infatuation in its early stages. (and to stop adding to the increasingly long list of hanbin’s worries).

just this once, jinhwan scolds himself mentally as he pretends not to notice the small smile beginning to form on junhwe's face.

jinhwan likes to think that he treats all his dongsaengs fairly (bobby scoffs loudly at this). as the eldest, he feels some kind of responsibility over the others.

there's donghyuk, who, despite his seemingly never-ending enthusiasm, has moments when his smile falters into a broken half-smile. each time he stands there looking uncertain, like he knows he should be smiling but just can’t.

and yunhyeong, who's almost hopeless when he first comes to yg. jinhwan ends up staying behind during their breaks countless times to go over their routine and to help him with his vocals just one more time. (if there's anything he's learned over their extra practice sessions it's that yunhyeong never asks for help unless he, or hanbin, suggests it first).

bobby and hanbin are slightly different.

the three of them have been together longer than any of the other trainees. they've been through their own separate hurdles before yunhyeong and junhwe were added to the team, and later donghyuk. contrary to what most people think, the three of them didn't mesh together perfectly at first. it took a while for the click to finally occur, for them to smooth out all (most) of their kinks.

as a result, jinhwan can't help but feel a tad bit more responsible for the two of them.

each time hanbin and bobby pull yet another all-nighter, working in the studio, he always makes sure to stay behind with them.

("you don't have to look after us," hanbin yawns as he glares at the computer screen, as though that will help him rearrange the song faster. his eyes are red and strained, dark circles even more prominent underneath the harsh light.

"as if i'd let that happen," jinhwan clucks his tongue disapprovingly. "if i'm not here, who knows how long you two would stay in here." not to mention if they'd even remember to eat. jinhwan glances at bobby, who's head bobs up and down rhythmically.

"not that long," hanbin mutters darkly. he's almost pouting, and it's terribly easy to forget that he's younger than jinhwan is when he carries so much weight for the group.

"sure," jinhwan pats his cheek, "now eat.")

goo junhwe is a completely different story altogether.

"you have a soft spot for him," hanbin tells him, voice bordering on accusatory.

"who?" jinhwan blinks innocently at him.

hanbin scowls and crosses his arms, leaning back into the plastic chair. like this, he almost looks like a petulant child, just a lot grumpier and with an even worse fashion sense. "you know who, jinhwan hyung."

"i do not," he retorts as he pokes at his rice.

"you kind of do," bobby pipes up from beside him. jinhwan glares at him. "sometimes you let him get away with stuff that you don't even let me get away with." pouting, bobby sticks the straw in his milk carton and sips.

"i treat all of you guys equally," jinhwan says. "and besides, if i didn't stop you then who would?"

"not really, hyung," bobby says as he continues to drink his milk, crumpling up the plastic straw wrapper into a small ball. "you never give donghyuk and yunhyeong the same kind of attention you give junhwe."

"i thought you said you'd make sure it wouldn't interfere with the group," hanbin's nose twists as he looks down at his lunch tray.

"eat your food," jinhwan tells him and hanbin sighs as he obediently eats his kimchi. "either way it's just a small crush."

"yeah, but," hanbin quickly chews and swallows his food as jinhwan fixes him with a look, "what if it turns into something more? if you keep this up he might actually think you like him back."

"did you see him the other day? just because jinhwan asked him if he wanted to go with him to the convenience store for a snack run? his face was so-" jinhwan cuts bobby off with a kick to his shin. the knowing smirk still doesn't come off his face, even as his eyes tear up.

"you don't like him, do you hyung?" hanbin asks as he looks him in the eye.

"no of course not," jinhwan exclaims. something inside of his chest twists and he ignores the small whispering in the back of his mind. "like i've said, it's just a crush. give it a bit and it'll fade away. and for the last time i do not have a soft spot for junhwe."

"sure hyung, sure," patting his head, bobby smiles, "we believe you."

when junhwe is sixteen his crush becomes no less obvious. the extra year of experience has done nothing for him (except maybe finally add muscle to his skinny frame so that he no longer looks as thin, as well as the few extra centimeters he now looks down at jinhwan with). in fact, it somehow only becomes even more glaringly apparent.

he's somehow become more awkward than he had been when jinhwan first realized that junhwe had a crush on him. bobby laughs at this new found "upgrade" and hanbin just broods silently with a disapproving glare. jinhwan decides he doesn't care what hanbin thinks regarding this matter, not really.

junhwe does so by making the most transparent, high school level (more like middle school but jinhwan is kind) excuses to spend more time with jinhwan. he stays behind when hanbin is too busy to help yunhyeong with the choreography, even when he was already dismissed half an hour ago.

"which one should we buy?" junhwe asks, voice cracking as he holds up several different flavors of chips. they're on their secret midnight snack run that jinhwan really should not be on. but bobby had asked him the day before, and jinhwan is worse than he'd like to admit at refusing him.

"the blue ones," he responds immediately, bending down to survey the different pocky flavors the store offers. "hanbin and bobby like those the best." he decides on the strawberry, because they're closest to cherry, and grabs five of those.

getting up, he walks over to junhwe who's awkwardly holding the plastic shopping basket nearly stuffed full in one hand, and several bags of blue chips in the other. his hair is a complete mess, even when stuffed underneath a hat.

the sixteen year old looks like he's almost about to keel over and the dim lighting doesn't help, only serving to emphasize the shadows on his face. jinhwan frowns and grabs the basket from junhwe and moves to the cash register.

"do you want anything else?" he looks up to see junhwe rubbing at his eyelids blearily. he shakes his head and jinhwan fishes a few bills out of his back pocket for the snacks. maybe he should have been more firm about junhwe staying in bed.

"i can carry the snacks," junhwe says quietly as they finish paying and make their way out of the store. jinhwan shrugs and hands the plastic bags over. their fingers brush and he can still see junhwe flush, even though the only lights around them right now are the obscured stars and dim street lights.

something warm churns inside of jinhwan and he withdraws his hand sharply, pushing the feeling down.

it's a quiet walk back, interrupted only by the swishing of the plastic back, their rhythmic footsteps, and the occasional car driving around in seoul at three in the morning.

"hey, hyung," junhwe asks when they're almost halfway back to the dorms. they've taken the longer route, because the air outside is pleasantly cool and jinhwan kind of needs a short walk to clear his head. "which one do you like best?" his voice cracks at the end, and his eyebrows are slightly furrowed in concentration as though he’d spent the entire time debating whether or not to break the silence.

"what?" jinhwan replies, dumbly.

"you know," junhwe mumbles and it's almost bashful. "the chips. which ones are your favorite?"

jinhwan halts momentarily to give him a strange look. "does it really matter?"

junhwe opens his mouth, but then closes it, as if deciding against something. he's silent for the rest of the way back, face with his signature frown, and jinhwan starts walking more quickly because he already looks immensely tired and hanbin is going sit down and give jinhwan another long, disapproving glare if junhwe nods off during practice again.

"i like the green ones," he says softly once they've returned to the dorms. he closes the door gently behind them and sits down to take off his shoes.

the way junhwe's face and eyes light up at this new information brings back the strange, warm feeling to jinhwan's chest.

as a general rule of thumb, jinhwan's bed is open to everyone almost every night.

it's a habit that starts when it's just the three of them: him, bobby, and hanbin. at first it starts more out of a need, like when the heating is broken and the three of them are shivering underneath threadbare blankets.

bobby is the first to move; he rolls onto jinhwan's mattress and jinhwan peels back his blanket accordingly. bobby’s body is warm, almost on fire, as he curls himself around jinhwan and hanbin begins to shift closer as well.

after that, it becomes a habit. most nights bobby comes crawling into his bed. sometimes with a "my bed isn't as comfortable as yours" as he flashes a grin and circles his arms around his waist, tucking his chin over jinhwan’s shoulder. (his eyes say otherwise though. the dark bruises never fade and sometimes they're slightly red and it's those times that jinhwan knows he's just gotten off a skype call with his mother).

his limbs are always a complete mess and more often than not, jinhwan ends up with a painful elbow digging into his side when he wakes up in the morning. he doesn't mind, though. it's worth waking up to the small smile bobby has on his face when he's sleeping.

donghyuk spends almost every other night in jinhwan's bed. so much so that bobby asks him if he wants to switch rooms instead. junhwe is not pleased, if the small kick he gives donghyuk underneath the table is anything to go by. he alternates between his and yunhyeong's

donghyuk buries his face into jinhwan's chest and snuggles as close as he can, as if the more body contact they sustain, the happier he'll feel. sometimes his grip on jinhwan's waist is so tight he finds that he nearly can't breathe, but it's worth the tranquil face donghyuk has when he finally does fall asleep, exhausted.

there are also those rare nights when yunhyeong crawls into his bed, eyes red as jinhwan pulls back the covers for him. on those nights all the pent up tears and frustration come pouring out until there's almost nothing left.

hanbin rarely comes to jinhwan's bed at night. it's mostly due to the fact that he's up so late that night blurs into morning and sometimes when he stumbles into the dorm, the sky has begun to turn a light pink (on those days, jinhwan and bobby practically have to pin him down to make him sleep. the boy's running on fumes and jinhwan's not sure how much longer he can last).

when he does, it's always with his eyes half-closed and swollen as he falls into jinhwan's bed. his voice sounds tired whenever he speaks, exhaustion weighing down every syllable as he looks at jinhwan on his side with a weary smile on his face. other times, hanbin is completely wordless as he climbs in. his entire face is gaunt and he seems more weighed down than atlas, with the entire world and then some carried on his back.

and then there's junhwe.

he's never come to jinhwan's bed at night. jinhwan's not sure if it's some weird sort of teenage insistence to show that he can be independent or if he's actually embarrassed by the thought of coming to jinhwan's bed, why, jinhwan wouldn't know. or maybe even he's just too shy, but each time another member comes to his room, the teen's face warps into an ugly grimace.

("he looks kind of constipated," bobby snickers into his ear as he flops down onto the mattress next to him.

"that's mean," jinhwan scolds him as he hits the side of his head affectionately. "how are you two supposed to become less awkward if you say stuff like this about him behind his back."

"but it's true," he drawls out the last syllable as he wraps his arms against jinhwan's waist. jinhwan rests his head against bobby's chest and sighs contently warmth radiating through. it's like having a personal heater.

"still doesn't mean you should say it," jinhwan mutters quietly. one of these days he’ll finally manage to get the two of them to stay in the same room for more than a minute together, alone.

"i say these things about hanbin all the time and you never care then, hyung," bobby whines.

"that's because hanbin is a big kid and can take care of himself."

bobby shifts so his chin is tucked over jinhwan's head. "you have such a soft spot for such a grumpy teen," he half accuses.

"i do not," jinhwan mumbles back. the same thing he always does whenever he’s being accused of something that is definitely not true.).

at one point, jinhwan is pretty sure he's sending mental waves of death to donghyuk when he goes into his room. it always ends up with junhwe huffing and almost pouting as he waddles back to his shared room with donghyuk and grumbling about people who should learn how to sleep in their own beds.

sometime during win, jinhwan starts noticing things.

it's not that he hasn't noticed them before (at least he thinks he hasn't. jinhwan secretly prides himself on being fairly observant when it comes to the small quirks of his group members), but that they’ve become so frequent and so obvious that he can no longer ignore them like he used to.

they're small gestures. like how close junhwe actually stands next to him, close enough that their fingertips could brush against one another, if jinhwan didn't keep his arms straight most of the time. (he often wonders what it would be like if he did reach over and grasp junhwe's hand).

during meals, their elbows constantly jostle against one another at the small table that really should be replaced. jinhwan carefully observes the way junhwe's lips turn up with the hint of a smile out of the corner of his eye while kicking bobby in the shin.

but he finds that he doesn't mind if their table isn’t replaced, not if it means he gets to see the younger boy like this. he might not be bobby when it comes skin contact (because bobby touches others so much like he's afraid they won't be there one day and he won't see them again), but he doesn't hate it either.

"it's not fair," bobby complains late one night in the studio. it's sometime after they've been assigned their first mission, and they're staying up late to make small tweaks here and there to their routine to hopefully help them (and maybe finally convince the public to like them a bit more as well).

"what's not?" jinhwan hums and hanbin turns around from the computer screen as well. both their eyes are completely bloodshot and jinhwan sneaks a quick glance at the clock on the wall.

"junhwe is only ever touchy with jinhwan-hyung," bobby huffs as chews on the end a pen. "he never likes it when i try to hug him."

"maybe that's because you tried to smother him with 'bro hugs' for a month when he first came to yg," jinhwan tells him.

"or maybe he just doesn't like you," hanbin deadpans. "unbelievable for you, i know. shocking."

sniffing, bobby spins around once in his chair. "anyway, he never lets me touch him and he kind of looks like he just ate a lemon whenever donghyuk's hanging off him too. junhwe only ever smiles whenever you're touching him, jinhwan-hyung."

"now you sound like you have a crush on him," hanbin snickers. "jealous?"

bobby makes makes a choking noise and it sounds like a strangled cat, his face horrified at the thought. jinhwan has to shush hanbin when he starts laughing because those kinds of disturbances should not be allowed at three in the morning. or ever, for that matter.

"it's okay," jinhwan nods as he pats bobby's shoulder comfortingly. "i'll make sure to remember to give you lots of hugs too."

regaining himself, bobby's voice takes on something similar to a whine, "if anything, he should be jealous of me."

"yes," jinhwan replies complacently, sneaking another glance at the clock, "now hurry up. we're leaving in ten minutes so you two can actually get some sleep."

some days, when jinhwan feels so drained that he wants nothing more than to collapse on the ground and shrink until he's small enough to disappear (and doesn’t want to bother hanbin and bobby because they’re busy working themselves to death, struggling to help them and their chance at debuting), he finds himself around junhwe.

"do think we'll ever debut?" junhwe asks him one day, when they're the only two in the practice room. it's been happening more often recently.

"yeah," jinhwan replies automatically as he opens the nearest water bottle and begins to chug it. it's lukewarm and disgusting and makes jinhwan nearly gags but still a small relief from the rigorous dance practice earlier.

"together, i mean," the younger boy clarifies as he plops down in front of him. he takes off his snapback and begins fanning himself with it.

jinhwan leans over to brush junhwe’s bangs out the way. they're soaked through with sweat and it should be disgusting, but they make junhwe look like he’s actually sixteen. softer, almost.

"we're going to debut together, the six of us," jinhwan answers calmly as he sits down next to junhwe. he ignores the uneasy feeling in the bottom of his chest that’s only been growing as win has gone on. (and all the late night conversations he has with hanbin when they're lying together at night and his worries are piled up too high for someone his age to handle).

“yg-sajangnim said whichever team doesn’t win is going to get broken up and split into new teams,” junhwe fiddles with the cap on his water bottle.

“then we’ll just have to win," jinhwan replies simply, as if it were as easy as that.

"i don't want our team to get broken up," the younger boy mutters as he begins to peel off the label of the water bottle. "i like how we are right now." junhwe looks up at him, and jinhwan is taken aback by the intensity in his eyes.

"i like how we are right now too," he agrees, sitting down next to junhwe and leaning on his shoulder. junhwe's shoulder is sweating and damp, and his entire body reeks of sweat, but jinhwan is so exhausted that he closes his eyes for a brief second.

"promise that even if we lose and get broken up into different teams you'll still remember me, hyung?" junhwe asks.

jinhwan shifts upright and flicks junhwe's forehead. "someone is being awfully pessimistic today," he remarks.

"just answer the question, hyung," junhwe grumbles as he attempts to draw his mouth downwards into a frown, crossing his arms. it doesn’t end up working, his face is cross-eyed and jinhwan feels somewhat bad for finding it hilarious.

"as if i'd forget about any of you guys. you're a very unforgettable person, goo junhwe. if we do get split up i'll pester you so much that you’ll get sick of me."

this time, it looks like junhwe can't fight the grin that breaks out on his face.

part one | part two