probably not a great idea
sometimes i really wonder why girls are so disgustingly self-centered and moody.
as a sort of personal rule, i generally dont sweat the small shit. you can insult me, blame world catastrophe on me, tell me im a horrible person, pop my balloons, and it doesnt really faze me. of course, if you really think something like that about me, id like to know why to see if it has any foundation in reality, but ultimately, what you say doesnt matter. life goes on whether you think im awesome or crazy or a monster.
i happen to know a girl who 99/100 times will take life less seriously than the average asshole you meet in business school, but sometimes she just wants to be offended. while i have been told once (maybe twice) of something that irks her, it doesnt really register as something super uber important because its a small thing to me as it is something that may come up as a joke in any normal conversation.
today, she chose to be ridiculous and serious and moody and take to heart something i said in jest.
now normaly, shes all about "order" and such. i really cant understand why women are so unfailingly contrary. i understand if she wants to punish me for forgetting that shes not the center of the universe, but when/if we are out with a crowd of friends having fun and she decides to beg the room for pity, thats pretty selfish. now, she admits that shes selfish, and she may realize how bad it is to take random jokes to heart, but i am pretty sure that she doesnt care and she will probably hold it against me forever that i said something she doesnt like (gasp). analyzed, this is typical human female behavior (a strong generalization, but i feel it is a worthy one, having known a fair share of females).
something that i have told her in the past irks me (and of course she probably forgot because im not the center of the universe) is that i absolutely hate when someone decides to be so selfish and juvenile as to punish an entire crowd of friends for their own personal (usually internal) issues. at the very least she could wait until AFTER everybody who is trying to enjoy themselves is not near her to start being a crybaby.
whether or not this is a misunderstanding or a miscommunication do not matter to her today. will it ever? time will tell, but likely not.
location: karaoke box
situation: remote is missing (uhoh). everybody asks "do you have the remote?" to everybody else. girl does not respond. boy1 and everybody else say "i dont have it". i notice girl has it in-hand and joke about her desire for power and inability to let the remote go. bitchiness ensues, everybody in the box worries about her for the duration, she refuses to even pretend shes having a good time.
aftermath: girl says "boy1 told me to hold the remote, etc etc, and btw i hate you forever". boy1 clearly did not know she had the remote, and of course, today of all days, she takes me seriously when i joke and i am now an enemy. at the very least until this blows over, but she has said in the past that she does not ever forget when people make her angry.
sigh. as a male, and as someone who has a generally hard time understanding peoples motivations, i am at a loss, and know of nothing that might rectify the situation. the best i can do is just wait for her to stop being angry, but apparently she will never stop being offended.
of course, she realizes that she holds a double standard in that she expects people to remember what irks her but she does not remember what irks other people. of course, she realizes that she is being juvenile and unreasonable about this whole thing. (if she wasnt smart enough to know these things about herself i would probably have a hard time being her friend.) unfortunately for everybody in the karaoke box, she did not care. perhaps one day she will change, but she seems to want to remain the way she is even if she knows how bad it is. maybe its her inner gemini or something.
on the plus side, the fact that we can make each other angry, at least to me, means that we care enough about each other to care what we say (the love-hate dichotomous synergy thing).
i just had to get that out of my system, because otherwise it would bug me all night. unfortunately there is a high probability that she will read this and perhaps be more offended. well, i believe in honest communication. shes a girl and probably doesnt. poop.
speaking of headlights, i think that many people who drive in los angeles secretly turn on their brights in the evenings because they are too blind to see the REFLECTIVE bumps on the freeway pavement. too blind, or maybe too stupid to realize that the bumps will make noise if you run over them, thus notifying you that you are changing lanes. you really dont need to see more than about 30 feet in front of your vehicle on a straight and empty freeway at midnight. you will see tail lights coming, if they are, and you will feel it if you begin to swerve into another lane.
and of course, thank god for cruise control. some nights if i did not turn that on i would be driving a little too fast for my car to handle because of my anger or sadness. im not sure why but i tend to get reckless when i am angry or sad or depressed... and on rare occasions, when im feeling good.
you know, i am pretty sure that if i were to die, i would not be missed.
last time my dad called me about something, it was about whether i had enough life insurance to cover my student loans.
my sister and i have nothing in common.
most of my friends lead busy lives and i feel like nobody seems to appreciate me as a contribution or as company most of the time.
maybe if i were busier i wouldnt notice...
except at those times when im on cruise control and someone is shining their brights into my cracked rear view.
or the birds are flying down my chimney and my life flashes before my eyes.
or i stand at the edge of a tall building, wishing that it was as easy as falling.
there is a girl... whose company i truly enjoy... and i have a feeling that things are ok between us... but somehow, despite flow and my unique perception of reality, i feel i am nothing to her.
leland and i talked about pessimism and how hes less pessimistic nowadays than he used to be. i have this streak of pessimism, self-doubt, and nihilism that runs next to my masochistic vein and my artery of cruelty. breathe in, breathe out. the fluids flow, and i live, and i am sad or angry to hurt myself.
when i think about it a little, maybe thats one of the reasons that i sometimes relish physical pain.
it takes the reality out of my internal emotional instability.
sometimes, i feel like such a woman.
i wish i had a companion to help dispel my haunting delusions and comfort me in my (perhaps contrived) emotional solitude.
and a sheathe for my sword.
sigh. i suppose today i swung blindly and actually hit someone.
noob.
ok im going to cut this shit because im sure nobody wants to read it.
short ver.:
i feel both stupid and justified for something i did today, but whats done is done, and living in the past is something i refuse to do. the sad part about this is that not everybody feels the way i do and can move beyond infringement so easily.
truly, strive for balance in your three cores
live as if you know not your destiny
and never hold the world accountable for your own shortcomings.
and i forgot to do pictures. man im such a lazy fuck.
as a sort of personal rule, i generally dont sweat the small shit. you can insult me, blame world catastrophe on me, tell me im a horrible person, pop my balloons, and it doesnt really faze me. of course, if you really think something like that about me, id like to know why to see if it has any foundation in reality, but ultimately, what you say doesnt matter. life goes on whether you think im awesome or crazy or a monster.
i happen to know a girl who 99/100 times will take life less seriously than the average asshole you meet in business school, but sometimes she just wants to be offended. while i have been told once (maybe twice) of something that irks her, it doesnt really register as something super uber important because its a small thing to me as it is something that may come up as a joke in any normal conversation.
today, she chose to be ridiculous and serious and moody and take to heart something i said in jest.
now normaly, shes all about "order" and such. i really cant understand why women are so unfailingly contrary. i understand if she wants to punish me for forgetting that shes not the center of the universe, but when/if we are out with a crowd of friends having fun and she decides to beg the room for pity, thats pretty selfish. now, she admits that shes selfish, and she may realize how bad it is to take random jokes to heart, but i am pretty sure that she doesnt care and she will probably hold it against me forever that i said something she doesnt like (gasp). analyzed, this is typical human female behavior (a strong generalization, but i feel it is a worthy one, having known a fair share of females).
something that i have told her in the past irks me (and of course she probably forgot because im not the center of the universe) is that i absolutely hate when someone decides to be so selfish and juvenile as to punish an entire crowd of friends for their own personal (usually internal) issues. at the very least she could wait until AFTER everybody who is trying to enjoy themselves is not near her to start being a crybaby.
whether or not this is a misunderstanding or a miscommunication do not matter to her today. will it ever? time will tell, but likely not.
location: karaoke box
situation: remote is missing (uhoh). everybody asks "do you have the remote?" to everybody else. girl does not respond. boy1 and everybody else say "i dont have it". i notice girl has it in-hand and joke about her desire for power and inability to let the remote go. bitchiness ensues, everybody in the box worries about her for the duration, she refuses to even pretend shes having a good time.
aftermath: girl says "boy1 told me to hold the remote, etc etc, and btw i hate you forever". boy1 clearly did not know she had the remote, and of course, today of all days, she takes me seriously when i joke and i am now an enemy. at the very least until this blows over, but she has said in the past that she does not ever forget when people make her angry.
sigh. as a male, and as someone who has a generally hard time understanding peoples motivations, i am at a loss, and know of nothing that might rectify the situation. the best i can do is just wait for her to stop being angry, but apparently she will never stop being offended.
of course, she realizes that she holds a double standard in that she expects people to remember what irks her but she does not remember what irks other people. of course, she realizes that she is being juvenile and unreasonable about this whole thing. (if she wasnt smart enough to know these things about herself i would probably have a hard time being her friend.) unfortunately for everybody in the karaoke box, she did not care. perhaps one day she will change, but she seems to want to remain the way she is even if she knows how bad it is. maybe its her inner gemini or something.
on the plus side, the fact that we can make each other angry, at least to me, means that we care enough about each other to care what we say (the love-hate dichotomous synergy thing).
i just had to get that out of my system, because otherwise it would bug me all night. unfortunately there is a high probability that she will read this and perhaps be more offended. well, i believe in honest communication. shes a girl and probably doesnt. poop.
speaking of headlights, i think that many people who drive in los angeles secretly turn on their brights in the evenings because they are too blind to see the REFLECTIVE bumps on the freeway pavement. too blind, or maybe too stupid to realize that the bumps will make noise if you run over them, thus notifying you that you are changing lanes. you really dont need to see more than about 30 feet in front of your vehicle on a straight and empty freeway at midnight. you will see tail lights coming, if they are, and you will feel it if you begin to swerve into another lane.
and of course, thank god for cruise control. some nights if i did not turn that on i would be driving a little too fast for my car to handle because of my anger or sadness. im not sure why but i tend to get reckless when i am angry or sad or depressed... and on rare occasions, when im feeling good.
you know, i am pretty sure that if i were to die, i would not be missed.
last time my dad called me about something, it was about whether i had enough life insurance to cover my student loans.
my sister and i have nothing in common.
most of my friends lead busy lives and i feel like nobody seems to appreciate me as a contribution or as company most of the time.
maybe if i were busier i wouldnt notice...
except at those times when im on cruise control and someone is shining their brights into my cracked rear view.
or the birds are flying down my chimney and my life flashes before my eyes.
or i stand at the edge of a tall building, wishing that it was as easy as falling.
there is a girl... whose company i truly enjoy... and i have a feeling that things are ok between us... but somehow, despite flow and my unique perception of reality, i feel i am nothing to her.
leland and i talked about pessimism and how hes less pessimistic nowadays than he used to be. i have this streak of pessimism, self-doubt, and nihilism that runs next to my masochistic vein and my artery of cruelty. breathe in, breathe out. the fluids flow, and i live, and i am sad or angry to hurt myself.
when i think about it a little, maybe thats one of the reasons that i sometimes relish physical pain.
it takes the reality out of my internal emotional instability.
sometimes, i feel like such a woman.
i wish i had a companion to help dispel my haunting delusions and comfort me in my (perhaps contrived) emotional solitude.
and a sheathe for my sword.
sigh. i suppose today i swung blindly and actually hit someone.
noob.
ok im going to cut this shit because im sure nobody wants to read it.
short ver.:
i feel both stupid and justified for something i did today, but whats done is done, and living in the past is something i refuse to do. the sad part about this is that not everybody feels the way i do and can move beyond infringement so easily.
truly, strive for balance in your three cores
live as if you know not your destiny
and never hold the world accountable for your own shortcomings.
and i forgot to do pictures. man im such a lazy fuck.