and then....
i was reading to day. late into the night, in fact (its about 430 am right now). reading the types of things that i do is probably unhealthy.
while reading i kept thinking about power play in relationships and how its so expressed in what i was reading. i think ive fallen in love with yet another un-real girl. the funny thing about that is that she is one of the character stereotypes specifically mentioned in the content of said reading as desireable to "otaku".
i wondered at that point whether i should succumb to the same sense of self-loathing embodied by the main character in this work, when i realized... that i do feel much like him. i suppose the obvious difference between he, who cannot leave his apartment, cannot get a job, has no life, and couldnt get a girlfriend and i... is that he has a girlfriend. (to be fair, i am really good at pretending to be normal. its like a game.)
its beautiful how they write something for an audience like me, and i like it, when all it does is emphasize my hopelessness.
im not tired, but im going to try to get about 3 hours of sleep. dwelling on these things only makes me wish i felt like crying.
while reading i kept thinking about power play in relationships and how its so expressed in what i was reading. i think ive fallen in love with yet another un-real girl. the funny thing about that is that she is one of the character stereotypes specifically mentioned in the content of said reading as desireable to "otaku".
i wondered at that point whether i should succumb to the same sense of self-loathing embodied by the main character in this work, when i realized... that i do feel much like him. i suppose the obvious difference between he, who cannot leave his apartment, cannot get a job, has no life, and couldnt get a girlfriend and i... is that he has a girlfriend. (to be fair, i am really good at pretending to be normal. its like a game.)
its beautiful how they write something for an audience like me, and i like it, when all it does is emphasize my hopelessness.
im not tired, but im going to try to get about 3 hours of sleep. dwelling on these things only makes me wish i felt like crying.