dont cry baby, dont cry. I'll do my best to catch your tears.
I feel so much better. (Insert sigh of relief). Jessicas birthday was fun, fun indeed, and if you werent there you missed out. I love my friends so much! I especially love it when Katie laughs for 10 mins straight, for oh...no reason. But yeah, your room looks sooooo kute sex!!! oo la la! I cant wait to sleep on your warm comfy bed!!! Oh yea, the sex with Kaytay, Jamal and Chase was really good tonight. hah, dont ask. hehhe....oh and Ashley is too kute! She sings songs for us and shows us her pelvis moves. muahhaha.
I also feeel sooooo much better that i have the whole thanksgiving/Christmas thing under control. I get to miss 5 days of school right before Christmas break and im going to HAWAII with Jay Jar, Trish, and my Favorite Aunts. I am so fuckin excited, no wait, i am beyond excited, i am SEXCITED! I going to check out the university there so if i get in (cross your fingers) i can make sure i really wanna go there. I donno if i can be that far away from home though....and i think being that close to the ocean, not to mention the hot bodies in the ocean would be a major distraction. Oh, and im not so sure about Santa Barbara....Matt N told me that like 3 out of 6 people there have STD's (im pretty sure that was the number), but ewwwwwww even if i dont have sex, that is sooooo nasty.
Um, even though things are looking up, there are still some things that are really bothering me and i feel so helpless about it. I really dont know what to do. And i dont understand. I mean i do completely. but at the same time, im like wth why can't you see what we see? I'm at a loss......for words, and just everything.
anyways.....this is random, but dont you think its funny how you can see someone EVERYDAY of your life but never really know them? And isint it funny how the one person you need could be right in front of your face but your so distracted by looking elsewhere that you never even notice?! "well you never find it if your looking for it". So true So true. I <3 the used.
I wish my eyes didnt always give me away. Whenever im sad or mad or whatever people can tell by looking in my eyes and it bugs the hell out of me. I try to look the other way cause its so shameful knowing someone knows, but I always give myself away. Bloody hell.
Life is good. I havent opened a text book or my binder for about 2 weeks (after school that is. i have to during, sadly) and do you know what? I dont give a fuck. I have senioritis worse than I've ever had it. I want out. I want to go on to better things. I'm sick of the filth of Monte Vista. In the end will this all matter?
Alright, well im off to bed............love for the loves!!!! And Jess, Shaheen, Katie, Emma, Ashley-- You gurls rock my socks!!! <33333
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA NICOLE SCHAEFER! your my SEX for life!