when everything you get is, everything that you wanted
So today wasn't good, it wasn't good at all. I'm so sick of everything and i just want out. I don't want to go to school anymore and i don't want to get a job and i dont want want to grow up. I always think how great it was to be a kid. Back then i didnt worry about anything, life was good...its so funny how little kids want to grow up and how adults want to be young--no one is ever happy with what they have.
i still can't believe someone i love can think such awful things about me. The whole ordeal is just really yucky and it makes me sick. Right when i think the Drama is over it comes back to haunt me. I cant do much right these days....
I'm starting to second guess my friendships. I mean i know i have some problems too, but come on....
skankyness, unsensitivity, over sensitivity, drugs, fakeness, bitchyness, stupidity, differnt levels of ambition.......all this leads to lots of problems, especially when you tell someone how you really feel about them.
im just so stressed these days. College apps, and holiday plans are causing me to feel so anxious. When your parents fight over you it causes you to despise the words Thanksgiving and Christmas. deep down i love you christmas. its just hard.
I just want to say thanks to my Jamal for helping me with this peice. No matter what, you are always helping people and you really kare. thanks love! and also....thanks for explaining the world to me.....ahhaa
On a different (but not better) note: Ive decided im neutral. I mean i still have an attraction to guys but it's just not the same....im not a lezbo, but im not like guy krazy. I just dont like either sex that much. Boys....man im over it. I dont understand how some gurls can just chase guys day after day......theres lots of better things to do as far as im concerned. Besides, this is high school. You really think it's gonna last? lemme tell you: its not. Im a jaded romantic.
Senior year has been the best, its helped me to grow and understand myself, i just wish hardships werent what helped you to grow and understand yourself. Wouldnt it be great if things were great all the time? Why does it have to be either or? why cant it just be neutral?!
i am so overtired. Last night i went to bed at 3 and over the weekend i went to bed at 5 am cause of those stupid energy pills. Im planning on some good sleep tonight, but then again i always say that.
what i wanna know is: why are the broken people just allowed to walk all over people just because they are broken? I mean everyone is so scared to break them more that they just continue to let them do what they do best without saying something. Then when someone does say something other people jusify their behavior because they're broken. newsflash: were all broken. But just cause you work your brokeness you get the better deal.
meh. i want matt to come home. thats it. bye. and love to those of you who kare and who try to understand <3.