[backdated to last Tuesday]
Jessi looks mildly peeved as she steps towards the bowling alley. No, her brother hasn't done anything at all; he's been very good since she ran into him. She's just having a hectic day, and while Kaden's being good, she's far too aware that he's not happy about her going on a date at all. She doesn't even want to think about all of that right now
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He's glad that she doesn't run into them very often. He does not like the thought. And Danny says that his spirit is not so easily crushed, but he appreciates that she's refraining from calling him adorable again. If it were anyone else, he might punch them in the face or say something mean. He wouldn't do either to her.
Danny actually applauds after both of Justin's turns. He tries not to think much about Jessi's advice. It's not like he can judge how people parent their kids. His parents had their own style, and it obviously never did him much good. He stands back up when the kid finishes. It's weird to have someone look up to him, to watch him carefully and then try to imitate him. He likes how it feels, even if the thought is a little scary, too. Not that Danny is afraid. It's just...
What if he fucks up?
There's a whole lot more riding on his decisions when there are people that could be disappointed by them. It's so much easier to have no ties but so much harder, too
"Hey, that's real good, especially for your first try. You knocked those pins down hard and that's what's important. Quality over quantity, kid," Danny says and then waves Justin over to him. "Now it's your mom's try so we better step back and give her a lot of space. Things could get dangerous."
He grins to show that he's teasing, not at all serious... but he does take a few exaggerated steps backward.
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She picks up her ball, going up to the lane and giving Danny a half smile. "I should probably warn you that with gutter guards, I'm actually a decent bowler."
Jessi cracks her neck, stepping up towards the lane. Her eyes flash on the lines in the wood. She mumbles something incoherent under her breath, obviously trying to figure things out. It's so weird, seeing Danny compliment Justin. Compliments not earned. But the kid looks beside himself with happiness. Things always work out so differently.
Jessi takes a step back, and then spins the ball towards the gutter guard, ricocheting it off the sides twice. Much to her annoyance, there's one pin still standing. "Guards are more elastic than I thought," she says vaguely, standing next to the ball return. "And you should be careful!"
She turns, pouting her lips at Danny as she still waits for her ball. "I've been known to accidentally jump my ball lanes. Well, that's when I was little. I haven't done that in years."
Justin is basically clinging to Danny's leg, giggling.
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He watches from behind, noticing the way that she takes to the lane, with so much thought. It's... actually really cute. He's not used to looking at people and thinking that they're attractive, but the way that she's looking at the lane... yeah, it's-- it's really cute. Danny tends to just throw, which is probably why he's not a good bowler.
Whether he realizes it or not, Danny complimenting Justin came from his parents. His parents who raised Danny to believe that being himself was just fine, was more than good enough. And then he got bullied relentlessly for being himself at school. It's why he doesn't put much stock in their parenting style, even if he's unconsciously using that here with Justin.
It's nice to see the kid look so happy, especially after looking so frustrated. Bowling's just a game. Danny wants to make sure he has fun and doesn't concern himself with being 'good enough' at it.
"Yeah, yeah. So if the guards were less elastic, you would've gotten a strike? Poor you, having to deal with these extra elastic-y guards and all," Danny says, smirking at her.
Yes, he did applaud after she knocked her pins down... and encouraged Justin to join him in that applause.
"In years, huh? Still. I don't like our chances. Do you, Justin?" Danny takes one more exaggerated step in the opposite direction, and then puts his fists up like he expects to punch the bowling ball if it flies back in their direction.
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She stretches again, standing in front of the lane, but pauses, turning around to give Danny a big smile. "They were super competitive, too. In everything, really. I never really was so good at competition."
Well, she wasn't ever the best bowler in the family either. Or best at pool. Or best at anything, really. Being better than other people was kind of difficult. It makes her feel guilty.
Which is why when she lets the ball go this time, even though she's calculated it just right, she calculates it just to barely miss the last pin. Might as well let Danny win. He's the kind of person who puts stock in those kinds of things, not her. She shrugs, giving him a laugh as she straightens out her skirt. "Whoops. Close though!"
Justin, however, claps loudly. Because that is what you do after someone bowls, apparently. You clap for them. "She didn't hit us!"
Jessi rolls her eyes. "I was like. 12. I was using too light of a ball and it jumped. It's not like I hurt anyone. I just knocked over someone else's pins."
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Danny is the type that likes to win. It's true. He likes to be biggest, strongest, and best, because that means people will respect him and leave him alone. When he's around her, he doesn't really care as much. If he knew she was losing on purpose, he would not be happy.
"Next time, we're gonna play basketball or something." He points at her and smirks. "Laser tag. I think we'd make a good team playing laser tag. You, me, and Justin. We'd kick a whole lotta butt."
He hasn't played laser tag since his outing with fellow archangels from the camp that he attended. It's a serious game when a bunch of highly trained angels get their vests and laser guns in their hands.
Danny laughs at what Justin says after he finishes clapping and offers him a high-five. "She didn't hit us, cause we stayed clear. We're smart guys, you and me."
He raises an eyebrow at her and picks up his own ball. There's a smirk on his face. "Did you knock down all their pins? Strike and not even on your own lane. I think you just might be that talented." And it's actually a compliment. He's never bowled a strike.
This next time, he manages to knock down every pin but one. It's the same pin that remains standing every time.
"I'm telling you I think it has somethin' against me. It's bordering on pure evil over there."
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Another moment where she has to question her childhood. Little things, here or there, where she wonders exactly how normal any of it was. Oh well. It doesn't really matter. It's shaped her into who she is today, and she can't change the past. She can only continue to be the person she is now.
"Jane got in trouble, though. She was the sporty kind. Did track all through high school. Got away with it more than she probably should have, considering she was top in state. But she wasn't applying obsession to the right fields. She and Dad got into a lot of fights about it, actually."
Not that Jessi's going to mention that those were fistfights as well as yelling matches. "Dad was kind of a jerk. But I mean, it's the way he was raised, and the way the whole family works, so I guess it's decent enough. Though, I mean, my family is kind of famous for being Nazi-sympathizers, so I do kind of question the validity of that. It was for the research, though. They didn't really care about the war or anything."
Jessi tilts her head to the side, pursing her lips again, as he talks about possibly basketball or laser tag. Laser tag is a game she is intimately familiar with. When it comes to family reunions, laser tag is the game. But she can be worse than him at that, too. She's fine with that. She still has nightmares about family laser tag. Laser tag with Danny, though, is likely not to accidentally leave anyone with PTSD.
"And yes, I did knock down all of their pins. Kaden made fun of me for weeks about it. 'You care about other people so much you're even willing to help them in their bowling.' Or something like that. It was embarrassing, to say the least."
Justin claps loudly for Danny as he bowls, and Jessi joins in too, not able to keep that little smile off her face, just barely showing her teeth. If Danny went down a ball size, she realizes, he would probably be bowling better. But like she's about to point that out. Not to him.
"But yeah, laser tag sometime sounds great," Jessi says. She says it, even though she doubt it'll ever happen. So far Kaden's been so good to her about this. But she doesn't know how long her brother can let someone else near her. Love her. How long he can handle her loving someone else. He never was good at sharing.
Well. He has been good. She can at least hope that she can have moments with Danny. Moments without him. It's a nice dream. Because hell, if moments like these don't make raise her serotonin levels, flood her with endorphins, and even raise her adrenaline levels. That's why she just feels so fluttery.
Justin's been watching Danny bowl the whole time, studying his movements. He's a naturally curious child, and well, Danny is the closest thing to a role model that isn't his mother, that he's been allowed to have. And well, if Mommy likes him, there's no reason he shouldn't either.
He toddles up to the ball return and accidentally pinches his fingers between two of the balls. He makes a sharp noise, but doesn't cry, just sticking his left hand in his mouth as he picks his ball back up. It's not like he really got that hurt.
Jessi, however, is having none of this. "Sweetie, lemme look at that," she says.
Justin shakes his head, going up to the lane and chucking the ball haphazardly down it. "Haff to bowl," he says around his fingers.
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It's hard to understand how someone like her could come from a family like that.
"How'd you come out bein' the way you are? Coming from a family like that? I guess sometimes we just shape ourselves, more than even our family can," Danny says, but he's not sure that he knows what he's talking about. "See like the thing with your brother teasing you and you getting embarrassed. That's a story that you should be proud to tell. It's one of those amusing anecdotes that people have. It's hilarious and great that your ball jumped lanes and still managed to get a strike. Anyway, there's-- there shouldn't be anything embarrassing about caring about people."
Never mind that he's being a hypocrite. He finds it incredibly embarrassing to admit that he cares about someone else. It's like pulling teeth with him.
Danny doesn't care about how well he bowls. In the end, he really doesn't. If she told him that, he would continue to use his too big ball as if she hadn't. He's stubborn, and it doesn't matter to him if he loses this game. He likes the black ball best. He'll use the black ball most!
"Great. I'll look into places to play around here. I haven't been in awhile," Danny admits and smiles, trying to think if he's passed any laser tag places in his adventures through the city. Usually, he's too distracted to notice building names.
He smirks when Justin talks around his finger, glancing at Jessi and then back at the kid. Danny thinks that he's probably just fine, even with his finger stuck in his mouth. How often do kids fall down, get scrapes, and keep on running like nothing ever happened? However, he doesn't really want to undermine her position as mom.
It would be much better if he could find a way to help. Maybe.
"Hey, buddy, battle wounds are cool, but they can make it hard to concentrate on the bowling, especially if it hurts," Danny says. "The sooner your mom checks out your finger to make sure that it's in tip top shape, the sooner you can get back to knocking down all the pins."
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But really, she wasn't raised properly. She was a different kind of experiment entirely. Oh, she'd have been thrown away a lot earlier, most likely, if Kaden hadn't turned out so beautifully well. But no. She doesn't want to think about her family. She doesn't want to have to admit that she really is like them, deep at the core. She can't do that. And if she can just suppress the thoughts and push them back, it's like they won't have existed at all. Our existence is made up of our memories. And if she can stop thinking, stop believing, alter her memories, she's changed her very existence.
She can be who she wants to be. There's no one who can tell her who she is. Because she's the one who polices her thoughts. She's the one who perceives and processes. Never mind the fact that there is someone who knows how to play her thoughts like an instrument. Prey on her experiences and forge them to what he wants. It doesn't matter. This is not the time to be thinking about those sorts of things. "But yeah. Basically, I managed to get a strong sense of self out of all of it, and we are what we make of ourselves."
But when he mentions it not being embarrassing to care about other people, she stays quiet. He really doesn't understand the extent to which she does, she thinks. No one else has ever not seen her 'caring' as something that isn't a weakness. Not to the level she takes it to, at least. Even James at once told her, in almost the same words as Kaden, that it wasn't healthy.
You can't save everyone.
It doesn't stop her from trying. It doesn't stop her from crashing and burning and destroying her own life for the sake of others. It hasn't kept her from nearly going into debt. It hasn't kept her from ruining her health. The only, only reason, she believes that she hasn't completely ruined her life yet is because she has someone who is worth more to her than anyone else. But without Justin, she honestly wonders whether or not she could handle this city. How many friends has she lost to the city? How many people are hungry and hurting and there's absolutely nothing she can do about it? It doesn't stop her from trying; it doesn't keep her from trying to hold as many hands as possible, feed as many hungry mouths as she can, and wipe away everyone's tears. But she has other priorities now. Priorities she didn't have before.
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At Jessi's words, Justin had been resolute. He learned a long time ago that his mother wasn't really good at making him do anything he didn't want to do. She's incredibly fortunate he's a good child. But at Danny's words, he toddles over, taking his spit laden hand out of his mouth and plopping it down in Jessi's. He looks impatient, and keeps staring back at the lane, ready to get this over with. "Batman doesn't have to stop, ever," he feels the need to inform Danny.
Jessi laughs, and reaches into her bag to get out some napkins. "Batman also has armor on," she points out.
"Do I need a bandaid?" he asks, fidgeting.
"Nope, don't think so," Jessi says. "Maybe just a kiss."
"Okay," Justin says, nodding.
Jessi can't help but smile, bringing Justin's hand up to her mouth and giving it a quick kiss. "Alright, tiger, go show those pins who's boss, okay?"
"Okay!" Justin says exuberantly, flailing his arms in the air and going to get his ball. He chucks it down the lane hard, and actually manages to knock down three pins in doing so. "I showed you!" he tells them, spinning around in a circle before he runs to Danny.
Jessi stands, clapping with an amused look on her face as she walks over to get her ball. "You most certainly did show them," she says. She strides up to the lane and bowls quickly, specifically only knocking down 6 pins, just in case Danny has a bad turn or something.
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"Yeah, that's exactly it," he says, running a hand through his hair and taking in a deep breath. "You make yourself into the kind of person you want to be. Or else the rest of the world will turn you into what they want you to be."
Danny slips his hands behind his head, as he lets Jessi and Justin have their moment. He smirks when Justin brings up Batman. Danny used to be into comics when he was younger. The super hero world was a good one to get lost in. As a kid, he liked to pretend he was one, too, and he could beat all his problems away. He read almost anything he could get his hands on so he's familiar with the Caped Crusader.
"Even Batman has to stop," he insists. "Why do you think he has Alfred, the butler, if he never stopped? He's gotta rest sometimes."
Danny claps when Justin knocks down those pins, and then he holds his hand out to give him a high five. "Great job, buddy. I've been shown the light."
He claps for Jessi, too, even holding his hand out to give her a high five as well. Hey, might as well! Danny is relaxed. It's not something that happens often, and he's willing to look a little silly for once. It's nice.
Danny actually manages to knock all of the pins down on the first try. It's a strike! He lifts his fists into the air to express his victory and turns around, smiling at them both.
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