5x17 Review "99 Problems"
Okay. Wow. I don't even know what to say... Dean. He's so broken and dead and alone, it really really hurts seeing him like this and yet it makes total sense. Even as a mere watcher I can literally feel his depression, his hopelesness. Over the years I have become so attached to the boys that it feels as though my heart was ripped out... it's weird. They're fictional characters and their pain still feels so frighteningly real. I sure love me some angst, but this? This is getting to a point where I am scared to tune in because I know that I will undoubtedly end up in tears.
But yeah, whatever. I'm not going to lie - I love the fact that these two boys have such power over my feelings.
Anyway, the actual reason I decided to do a quick review is because of the last ten minutes of this episode AND the initial reaction I witnessed all over fandom. Yes, this is mostly about Dean and Lisa and Ben and the reason Dean has decided to pay them one last visit which, to me, does not come off as weird and random, at all. In fact, i think it makes total sense and, as always, it's all connected with precious little Sammy Winchester. Here's why:
I don't understand why so many people immediately connected Dean's motives to see Lisa one last time with being in love with her. I don't think this had anything to do with any kind of romantic love. Yes, Dean is not in love with Lisa - how could he be when he doesn't even really know her? What makes her special is the fact that she has a son who might just be Dean's son.
Now, let's remember Heaven and the first happy memory Dean has relived there: it was with his little brother, with his Sammy, back when life wasn't complicated yet, when things were normal (or, you know, as normal as they could be in a Winchester's life). Back then, Dean had had a purpose in life. He has always been a person who drew his own happiness from making other people happy (especially his family). It's why he relived the memory of taking care of his mum in heaven ("It's okay Mum, I still love you, I'm not going anywhere"), it's why he cares so much about the family business; he saves people, makes them happy. And Sammy sure has been the center of Dean's happiness in life for a very long time, especially when they were younger. So yes, that's his happiness; him making other people happy. And happy!Sam is the most powerful of them all.
Back to the present: so we know Dean is depressed, has lost all hope. And after the experience in heaven he THINKS he has lost his brother, as well. After five years, we know how Dean's mind works, how insecure he is about himself and how desperately he clinges to the idea of family. He just never really realised that it wasn't like that for Sam, that Sam's idea of happiness is entirely different. And I get it, I truly do... I have siblings, too, and I know that I depend on them way too much. But I also know that while I could never really let go of them, they don't feel the same kind of dependance towards me. And it's not because they don't love me, but it's because they are different, have different values in life, different circumstances and they sure as hell have way more confidence. It's the same for Sam and Dean... Sam never felt the same way Dean did... and while Dean might have known as much somehwere deep down, having it thrown into your face, in heaven of all places, with a shitload of depression and desperation on your ass is nothing but cruel. Of course it crushed him to the ground, of course it made him throw away the necklace! He CAN'T take anymore hits, not with all the weight that's on his shoulder already. THIS is the icing of the cake... the fact that Sam doesn't care for him the same way he does and never has, really (sure that's not true, but it's Dean's logic we're talking about here). Dean resignes, he gives up. And damn, it hurts seeing him like this. There's absolutely nothing left of the wonderful man we've come to know five years ago.
So anyway, I hear a lot of people complaining that Dean "doesn't love Lisa, doesn't know her, doesn't know Ben, should have been Sam... should have been Cassie... not the random fuck-buddy he hasn't seen in years."
Here's my theory on that: This is about Sam. I'm quite certain that Dean doesn't see Ben, doesn't see his son in particular, but sees a little boy who seems so much like his Sammy. It's sort of like a second chance, a second chance at happiness, at having a family. Being a father, a protector... being looked up to. The guy has spent 40 years in hell and I reckon that, in order to endure 30 years of daily torture you have to hold on to some kind of hope. I guess that's when he created an idea of Ben and Lisa in his head... it's not them, of course. Not really. As many have already pointed out, he doesn't know them; he only knows the image he has created in his head and I'm pretty sure that image holds every little cliché of family and love and safety that he could have possibly come up with. You know, that's who Dean is, it0s how his mind works.
To sum it all up: Sam is gone. Hope is gone. The entire world is about to get destroyed. The man has nothing left. Absolutely nothing. So he gives up, wants to say YES in order to put an end to all the suffering. Maybe he even thinks of how he has been weak before, in hell... when he brought on the apocalypse. Still, I can't blame him. And I definitely understand why he would want to make sure that Lisa and Ben are all right before the very end. Because with Sam gone, they are the last bit of family he has left even if it's just an illusion that has manifested itself in his head over the years...
However, I haven't given up hope yet. I'm sure that Sam will find a way back into Dean's trust, it's Sam we're talking about! Because no matter what happens, he is and will always be the center of Dean's world.
ANYWAY. Let me know what you think, yes?
But yeah, whatever. I'm not going to lie - I love the fact that these two boys have such power over my feelings.
Anyway, the actual reason I decided to do a quick review is because of the last ten minutes of this episode AND the initial reaction I witnessed all over fandom. Yes, this is mostly about Dean and Lisa and Ben and the reason Dean has decided to pay them one last visit which, to me, does not come off as weird and random, at all. In fact, i think it makes total sense and, as always, it's all connected with precious little Sammy Winchester. Here's why:
I don't understand why so many people immediately connected Dean's motives to see Lisa one last time with being in love with her. I don't think this had anything to do with any kind of romantic love. Yes, Dean is not in love with Lisa - how could he be when he doesn't even really know her? What makes her special is the fact that she has a son who might just be Dean's son.
Now, let's remember Heaven and the first happy memory Dean has relived there: it was with his little brother, with his Sammy, back when life wasn't complicated yet, when things were normal (or, you know, as normal as they could be in a Winchester's life). Back then, Dean had had a purpose in life. He has always been a person who drew his own happiness from making other people happy (especially his family). It's why he relived the memory of taking care of his mum in heaven ("It's okay Mum, I still love you, I'm not going anywhere"), it's why he cares so much about the family business; he saves people, makes them happy. And Sammy sure has been the center of Dean's happiness in life for a very long time, especially when they were younger. So yes, that's his happiness; him making other people happy. And happy!Sam is the most powerful of them all.
Back to the present: so we know Dean is depressed, has lost all hope. And after the experience in heaven he THINKS he has lost his brother, as well. After five years, we know how Dean's mind works, how insecure he is about himself and how desperately he clinges to the idea of family. He just never really realised that it wasn't like that for Sam, that Sam's idea of happiness is entirely different. And I get it, I truly do... I have siblings, too, and I know that I depend on them way too much. But I also know that while I could never really let go of them, they don't feel the same kind of dependance towards me. And it's not because they don't love me, but it's because they are different, have different values in life, different circumstances and they sure as hell have way more confidence. It's the same for Sam and Dean... Sam never felt the same way Dean did... and while Dean might have known as much somehwere deep down, having it thrown into your face, in heaven of all places, with a shitload of depression and desperation on your ass is nothing but cruel. Of course it crushed him to the ground, of course it made him throw away the necklace! He CAN'T take anymore hits, not with all the weight that's on his shoulder already. THIS is the icing of the cake... the fact that Sam doesn't care for him the same way he does and never has, really (sure that's not true, but it's Dean's logic we're talking about here). Dean resignes, he gives up. And damn, it hurts seeing him like this. There's absolutely nothing left of the wonderful man we've come to know five years ago.
So anyway, I hear a lot of people complaining that Dean "doesn't love Lisa, doesn't know her, doesn't know Ben, should have been Sam... should have been Cassie... not the random fuck-buddy he hasn't seen in years."
Here's my theory on that: This is about Sam. I'm quite certain that Dean doesn't see Ben, doesn't see his son in particular, but sees a little boy who seems so much like his Sammy. It's sort of like a second chance, a second chance at happiness, at having a family. Being a father, a protector... being looked up to. The guy has spent 40 years in hell and I reckon that, in order to endure 30 years of daily torture you have to hold on to some kind of hope. I guess that's when he created an idea of Ben and Lisa in his head... it's not them, of course. Not really. As many have already pointed out, he doesn't know them; he only knows the image he has created in his head and I'm pretty sure that image holds every little cliché of family and love and safety that he could have possibly come up with. You know, that's who Dean is, it0s how his mind works.
To sum it all up: Sam is gone. Hope is gone. The entire world is about to get destroyed. The man has nothing left. Absolutely nothing. So he gives up, wants to say YES in order to put an end to all the suffering. Maybe he even thinks of how he has been weak before, in hell... when he brought on the apocalypse. Still, I can't blame him. And I definitely understand why he would want to make sure that Lisa and Ben are all right before the very end. Because with Sam gone, they are the last bit of family he has left even if it's just an illusion that has manifested itself in his head over the years...
However, I haven't given up hope yet. I'm sure that Sam will find a way back into Dean's trust, it's Sam we're talking about! Because no matter what happens, he is and will always be the center of Dean's world.
ANYWAY. Let me know what you think, yes?