I knew this would happen

Sep 19, 2004 05:34

So I finally did it...I finally cracked and went crazy in my house. I have 10$ right now and 3 cigarettes left and just got done taking a shower...My parents are gone gambling or something and I am about to run away. Figured I would post something before I left the house. I am sittin in my dads room currently cause I broke my keyboard in half after trying to play Soldier Of Fortune to chill out and losing horribly. I can't take anymore of living in this shitty house with these shitty problems and the shitty cold from my bro turning air conditioner on full blast at night when we are awake on the computers. I can't take the shitty worries of mine...Always wondering what I will do in the future. Sure I have some computer skill but it doesn't compete with the rest of the world. I also have no motivation from my shitty parentals...I still love my dad though. Also I am tired of the shitty comments about my shitty self looking so shitty pale. And then there is the shitty people making fun of my life style and sleeping habits to which I cannot help witout going to the shitty doctor...But I have no shitty money except 10$ or shitty parents to complain to about my sleeping problem even though I have done it multiple times. I can't handle the sleeping problems and the house and the smell and the cold and the looks...and the computer...that is the root of it all. I HAVE BEEN SITTING IN FRONT OF THAT GODDAMN MONITOR FOREVER AND IT IS ABOUT FUCKING TIME SOMEONE GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO...I CANT GET A JOB AT PATTERSONS WITHOUT MY FUCKIN PAPERS WHICH ARE APPARENTLY FUCKIN LOST. TO WHERE? I don't fuckin know. But I will tell you this...I am tired of the shitty...Im tired of noone calling me I am tired of it all. I don't have anyone call me and be like "Hey man whats up? Wanna come hang out or something?" I mean I have turned into a nothing since I left school...but I'd think someone out there would try keep in touch with me. For fucks sake my number is even on the goddamn livejournal...first entry at the bottom. I dunno...Maybe I just need some social time..some attention or something I dunno. I live in hole...Just put it that way...To sum all of this up I live in a mother fuckin hole. A cold wet damp smelly hole. With a shower, kitchen and bedroom installed and apparently no phone because I haven't heard it ring in a while... Well...if I was really crazy beyond help I probably wouldn't be writing this (I wasn't a while ago I was busy in my room crying like a little puss). Im just tired of living this way...
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