Everyone's favorite kind of update :P
Not really....I'm on a huge sugar high and can't sleep so I'm reflecting. I gurantee it won't make sense and may not be even remotely coherent. Just so you were warned :p
I have changed SO much since 10th grade. In my opinions, actions, even my personality. I sometimes wonder what it'd be like to see people who knew me before I changed...see what the notice most. It's strange that I still have so many close friends who knew me before and after that change and still talk to me, granted, I definately changed for the better (mostly). I used to think n othing would ever change, that I was destined to be lonely and miserable forever with friends who didn't really care. Oh how wrong I was.
I wonder why I've always been so pessimistic. I suppose it's easier to be that way, less pain when things don't turn out.
If there's one thing I've learned lately, it's that for me, it's a conscious decision for me to be optimistic and to have a good day that's not influenced by other people and events. I don't know if that's unhealthy or not? I don't actually care. I suppose it'd be nice to wake up and jsut ahve it be a good day but it just doesn't work like that. Doesn't bug me much, it's normal to me, jsut the way I am.
Like worrying. I've come to realize, it's not really worrying, more concern for the ones I love. I've been told that that's not healthy and that I need to stop that. But without that daily concern, I feel idle. I honestly notice when things are going so well for everyone that I have nothign to be concerned about. Once again, I've decided it's not somethign I want to change. It's part of who I am. I like it. So what if it's not "normal"...who said I was normal??
Not me. Never have I thought that I fit some kind of norm. I doubt I ever will. Some days I'm pretty sure I'm absolutely crazy but it sure makes life interesting. I thrive on drama, it's sad but true. Without drama, my life gets really boring.
Hmm...so conscious decisions, worrying...what else did I want to ramble about?
Relationships are a crazy thing. Not talking about just male/female relationships, all relationships. So someone told me the other day that there are two ways to think about relationships. 1)You have two circles, the inner circle is all the people you love, etc and the outer cirlce is you. You have extensions of yourself going in to those people. 2) The inner circle is you and the outer circle is all the people you love, etc. You have extensions of yourself goinng otu to them and beyond.....Which is the "right" way to think about relationships? 2...(take a wild guess which one I nmlly fall into....yep,1)...anyway...2 is because that way, if something happens and you lose one of your relationships or what have you, there's always someplace to expand to, some place or someone new to go to or meet. If you're like me and choose 1, then loss becomes a HUGE issue. If you lose someone (in any way you want to think of loss), you have no where to go. Just interesting to think about.
Do you ever wonder to yourself how others perceive you? Not necessarily in a way that it matters, just more of a curiosity type thing? I constantly wonder if the "real" me shows through when I meet people. I don't know that it does, I think I put up a front. I try to become waht I think that person is looking for. But then, maybe I don't. I think that's changing for me...it'd be better to say I used to do that and now I'm jsut me an d if you odn't like it, too bad. Find someone new.
Not so much reminescing eh? Oh well...we all know I like to talk, especially about myself. It's a favorite topic of mine.
Oh well...
Okay...I want to sleep but I'm stil buzzed off all the sugar I ate tonight during our movie night. Worth a try right? Someone told me that laying down in bed is better that sitting up and doing something, even if you cna't get to sleep because it at least allows your body to rest. Dunno how I feel about that but I got nothign so...
I have changed SO much since 10th grade. In my opinions, actions, even my personality. I sometimes wonder what it'd be like to see people who knew me before I changed...see what the notice most. It's strange that I still have so many close friends who knew me before and after that change and still talk to me, granted, I definately changed for the better (mostly). I used to think n othing would ever change, that I was destined to be lonely and miserable forever with friends who didn't really care. Oh how wrong I was.
I wonder why I've always been so pessimistic. I suppose it's easier to be that way, less pain when things don't turn out.
If there's one thing I've learned lately, it's that for me, it's a conscious decision for me to be optimistic and to have a good day that's not influenced by other people and events. I don't know if that's unhealthy or not? I don't actually care. I suppose it'd be nice to wake up and jsut ahve it be a good day but it just doesn't work like that. Doesn't bug me much, it's normal to me, jsut the way I am.
Like worrying. I've come to realize, it's not really worrying, more concern for the ones I love. I've been told that that's not healthy and that I need to stop that. But without that daily concern, I feel idle. I honestly notice when things are going so well for everyone that I have nothign to be concerned about. Once again, I've decided it's not somethign I want to change. It's part of who I am. I like it. So what if it's not "normal"...who said I was normal??
Not me. Never have I thought that I fit some kind of norm. I doubt I ever will. Some days I'm pretty sure I'm absolutely crazy but it sure makes life interesting. I thrive on drama, it's sad but true. Without drama, my life gets really boring.
Hmm...so conscious decisions, worrying...what else did I want to ramble about?
Relationships are a crazy thing. Not talking about just male/female relationships, all relationships. So someone told me the other day that there are two ways to think about relationships. 1)You have two circles, the inner circle is all the people you love, etc and the outer cirlce is you. You have extensions of yourself going in to those people. 2) The inner circle is you and the outer circle is all the people you love, etc. You have extensions of yourself goinng otu to them and beyond.....Which is the "right" way to think about relationships? 2...(take a wild guess which one I nmlly fall into....yep,1)...anyway...2 is because that way, if something happens and you lose one of your relationships or what have you, there's always someplace to expand to, some place or someone new to go to or meet. If you're like me and choose 1, then loss becomes a HUGE issue. If you lose someone (in any way you want to think of loss), you have no where to go. Just interesting to think about.
Do you ever wonder to yourself how others perceive you? Not necessarily in a way that it matters, just more of a curiosity type thing? I constantly wonder if the "real" me shows through when I meet people. I don't know that it does, I think I put up a front. I try to become waht I think that person is looking for. But then, maybe I don't. I think that's changing for me...it'd be better to say I used to do that and now I'm jsut me an d if you odn't like it, too bad. Find someone new.
Not so much reminescing eh? Oh well...we all know I like to talk, especially about myself. It's a favorite topic of mine.
Oh well...
Okay...I want to sleep but I'm stil buzzed off all the sugar I ate tonight during our movie night. Worth a try right? Someone told me that laying down in bed is better that sitting up and doing something, even if you cna't get to sleep because it at least allows your body to rest. Dunno how I feel about that but I got nothign so...