(no subject)
I am alone in this room full of computers and I didn't even fully realize it at first. There is a man's dress coat sitting on the chair, forgotten and I searched the pockets for remnanets of ID. There is no one to even surrender it to. I'll walk it to a nearby department office in a bit. It makes me sad in some ways. It seems that everythign saddens me. I manage to break my own little heart over again and again. It isn't that I want for much but the things in life that I truly want always appear so escapable. I retreat to the bathroom to cry becuase that is where the collections of water go to dissappear. I do not bend and ease into the flow of tears easily, Only for a few minutes at a time. I cried on Tuesday, I cried on Sunday night sitting at a piano in the dark in an academic building. Perhaps because I was unable to play the way I once could; perhaps because of the reason that I know I will always withstand and prevail. It is the knowledge that this will pass as all other things have and then it will return and I will suffer and suffer alone. These things remind me of seeds picking up and being carried off by the wind to be replanted in another time and place later.
I said that I didn't care that I could make myself happy. I will be fortnuate if I can get into a nursing school anywhere at all. I am fortnate that my best friend is still my best friend even though he doesn't love me. I will be fortunate if I can get a job after having not had one for a week. My past is ever barbed but behind me and my family is ever like a pot of stew gone black and charred. My dog is dying. My kidney infection went away though. So as always it is time to pick myself up and dust off, face the sun and close my eyes while inhaling the saffron rays. I need some sort of healing.
Also I have a new lj called tracingapath. I haven't written in it yet but eventually am going to permanetly delete this one. I have decided that the new one will be friends only. If I wanted to let you know about my life I would have told you.
Love, love, love,
Mara
I said that I didn't care that I could make myself happy. I will be fortnuate if I can get into a nursing school anywhere at all. I am fortnate that my best friend is still my best friend even though he doesn't love me. I will be fortunate if I can get a job after having not had one for a week. My past is ever barbed but behind me and my family is ever like a pot of stew gone black and charred. My dog is dying. My kidney infection went away though. So as always it is time to pick myself up and dust off, face the sun and close my eyes while inhaling the saffron rays. I need some sort of healing.
Also I have a new lj called tracingapath. I haven't written in it yet but eventually am going to permanetly delete this one. I have decided that the new one will be friends only. If I wanted to let you know about my life I would have told you.
Love, love, love,
Mara