A Very Bad Idea...
I stayed up all night reading Twilight, rather than studying for my AP European History trimester exam. This is quite a terrible decision, considering the fact that I can hardly past the tests with a full night's sleep and a great bout of studying, and those are just tests! I'm not sure what possessed me, but I can certainly say that I do not regret it.
I'm very, and immaturely, big on the whole idea of "I'll do what pleases me now, not what will help me in the long run." I think that was the biggest motivation for the error in judgement I so clearly made, but what I find so strange is that the strategy of self-fulfillment has never truly led me astray. Even when I was doing horribly in school because I prefered sleeping to doing homework, I learned so much more about myself as a person and about the world around me than I could have if I had stuck to my goals and plans and worked as hard as I could to achieve A's. I still did fantastically (I got a 5, along with one other person, out of 50+ students that took the AP Language and Composition test) and yet, managed to fill out my life more than I could have thought possible.
This is beginning to feel like an excuse, and it defintiely is, though I'm trying to delude myself into thinking I sound reasonable.
I sometimes wonder if I'm just a slacker disguised as a hardworking, caring student. And then I wonder of the alternative: Have people finally realized that I'm a terrible student and a fantastic slacker?
On another topic, it's quite interesting to me how important school has become to the average high school student. I've noticed, especially being a senior in said institution, that grades and attendence and extracurriculars are not important for what they can give the student in terms of life lessons, satisfaction, general desired knowledge... they are only beneficial in terms of how much they increase the chances of a particular student getting into particular colleges. For instance, I took AP Government because, hey, it sounded fascinating and I thought I would really enjoy it. Everyone else I talked to said yes, they partially took it because it interested them, but the biggest reasons were: 1) If they passed the test, it would give them college credits; 2) AP classes always look way better on transcripts than regular-level classes; 3) They could get away with a B+ because it was an AP class, so their parents wouldn't get as mad if they didn't have 4.0's. Many of these kids wanted to take art, language, or music classes but they didn't have time because they had far too many AP classes. Seriously? (Srsly?)
This seems utterly ridiculous. At this point, that whole selfish bit came into play. Why would you possibly want to jeopardize the satisfaction of getting a personalized, wonderful education by taking the broadest, hardest, most impressive-looking classes that aren't quite to your interests, but make you look more interesting? I find that notion perfectly insane, and yet that is the social norm that must be followed. If you do not follow this ideal, this projection of success for your future, you're a terrible student that just isn't going anywhere in life.
Where does that put me? I know for certain that I will go somewhere in life. Perhaps, where I will end up is not as glamorous as getting into politics or saving lives in various hospitals across the country, but that does not mean I'm not going somewhere. No, I won't end up in some glossy, highly-funded laboratory studying the mating habits of beetles* or going on to argue my opinions on the Senate floor, but what I will end up doing, I know without a doubt will enrich my life and mean something to me and to those with whom I work.
So no, I did not take AP math or science classes. Will that ever harm my future? Absolutely not. Have school officials balked at my lack of care for such a blatant disregard for my education and my future? Absolutely.
Do I care? Not a bit.
I take that back; I do care. Surprisingly, I care a lot. Not about their opinions concerning me in particular, but their opinions that hold an all-too-challenging but highly impressive (if it were even possible, which is rarely is) academic record that completely wipes the high school student the luxury of BEING A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT.
They don't make the high school movies about partying and going to dances and being kids for absolutely nothing, you should be aware. They're made that way because typically, high school students spend more time with their faces towards other people than towards books. And they do spend more than just an hour of their day talking about something other than education and futures. I should rightly say that many of my friends seem to be missing out on an integral part of growing up: being a teenager. They should be learning how to interact with other people, how to become more responsible in the "real world," how to develop longterm interests and activities... not how many syllables makes up iambic pentameter or who sacked Constantinople and why. If that is their ultimate goal in future education and employment, then by all means, learn away... but if that is the case, do they really need to take a calculus class that isn't even supposed to be offered to those at anything below a college junior status?
I see all this extraneous education as a wonderful burden. Yes, they are learning wonderful, fanstastic things in the classroom. But do hardly any of my friends know how to enter a oom full of people they've never met an actually start a conversation with someone?
I am astounded and supremely proud of my wonderful education, though many others find it sadly lacking, and I've still learned how to operate as a member of society, not as a student, for I will not always be a student, but I will always be a person interacting with other people. I will not always have to study, but I will always have to work. I won't always take tests, but I will perform tasks. It's not about how well I learn, but how I apply what I have learned and how strongly I desire to learn something new and interesting.
...And that is why my high school guidance counselor hates dealing with me. Apparently, I've got no motivation, no talent, and no desire to make anything of myself.
Too bad I just can't seem to accept my foretold reality. I ought to have my head checked.
*A friend of mine has this as an ultimate dream and I have heard on occasion that she is "so dedicated," "so intelligent," "so admirable." She, apparently, is really going somewhere. And in truth, for her, she certainly is. My plans, on the other hand, have been dismissed as ways to avoid college and commitment and are simply the ideals of a "unmotivated girl with no life skills."