the incredible melodrama between my father's widow and me, played out on myspace
i posted a while ago about my real father, and how he was abusive to my mom, and then he abandoned me. waaah, probably half of us can tell that story.
the rest of it, in short: he died 2 years ago, and his widow forwarded a letter he had written me a few months earlier. then i became "friends" with her and their 5 boys on myspace. where they all went on and on about what a wonderful man he was. and they posted lots of photos that convinced me that they really were a happy family. which made me feel like shit.
the other day, i was reviewing online my college records, and to my horror, saw that they SOMEHOW had my real father down as my emergency contact, along with an address that I know he lived at 18 years ago. (my boyfriend said that they might have used some software that linked our social security numbers.) it really felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.
so of course, i post about it on myspace, about my shock, and i said something like, "maybe its my father finally reaching out to me from beyond the grave, in which case i will stomp on his hand in combat boots. he was a bad man." and my boyfriend said, "aren't you still friends with his wife and kids," to which i responded, "yeah, but it's the truth, and besides, i doubt they read my blogs." (they never write to me or anything.)
(but they DO read my blogs!!)
i guess their youngest son (14 maybe?) read it first (which makes me feel badly) and then told her about it. she commented, "i'm glad that there are those of us who are able to tell people that he actually was a wonderful man. i hope your resentment doesn't eat you up inside because he wouldn't have wanted that."
right. after not talking to me for 15 years (and then only a few words), he would speak out from the great abyss to lecture me on resentment.
i deleted the entry only because i didn't want her older boys to see it and send me a slew of hate mail. but i emailed her and said that, while i was happy that he had been so good to her and the boys, my mom and i did not know that man.
she wrote back and explained that she had met him after he quit drinking. and that actually made me feel somewhat better. THAT explains why he was so shitty to us and why he was so wonderful to them. alcohol can make some people do bad things.
but what it does not explain is why, in the 14 years or so (?) that he was sober, he didn't try harder to start a relationship with me. she said it was shame. and i say, "suck it up." but it's too late for that.
the rest of it, in short: he died 2 years ago, and his widow forwarded a letter he had written me a few months earlier. then i became "friends" with her and their 5 boys on myspace. where they all went on and on about what a wonderful man he was. and they posted lots of photos that convinced me that they really were a happy family. which made me feel like shit.
the other day, i was reviewing online my college records, and to my horror, saw that they SOMEHOW had my real father down as my emergency contact, along with an address that I know he lived at 18 years ago. (my boyfriend said that they might have used some software that linked our social security numbers.) it really felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.
so of course, i post about it on myspace, about my shock, and i said something like, "maybe its my father finally reaching out to me from beyond the grave, in which case i will stomp on his hand in combat boots. he was a bad man." and my boyfriend said, "aren't you still friends with his wife and kids," to which i responded, "yeah, but it's the truth, and besides, i doubt they read my blogs." (they never write to me or anything.)
(but they DO read my blogs!!)
i guess their youngest son (14 maybe?) read it first (which makes me feel badly) and then told her about it. she commented, "i'm glad that there are those of us who are able to tell people that he actually was a wonderful man. i hope your resentment doesn't eat you up inside because he wouldn't have wanted that."
right. after not talking to me for 15 years (and then only a few words), he would speak out from the great abyss to lecture me on resentment.
i deleted the entry only because i didn't want her older boys to see it and send me a slew of hate mail. but i emailed her and said that, while i was happy that he had been so good to her and the boys, my mom and i did not know that man.
she wrote back and explained that she had met him after he quit drinking. and that actually made me feel somewhat better. THAT explains why he was so shitty to us and why he was so wonderful to them. alcohol can make some people do bad things.
but what it does not explain is why, in the 14 years or so (?) that he was sober, he didn't try harder to start a relationship with me. she said it was shame. and i say, "suck it up." but it's too late for that.