(no subject)

[idamis]

last year i grew up. i had no choice. I had to leave my carefree attitude behind when i committed myself to being responsible and doing what i wanted to. Australia was the most amazing experience i could ever ask but when i took on that responsibility i had to give up a lot. My whole life my parents have done everything they can to make sure i don't have to worry about bills but they couldn't help me with aussie so i had to work my butt off to make the money. The moment i realized that the only way i was going to aussie was if i paid for it, everything changed. When i go out with my friends now i find myself out of place because their maturity level is annoying. Sexual, crude just plain immature humor...i don't find it funny and further more it makes me feel so out of place. Since i've been dating john i've lost all the guys. i don't hang out with them anymore and they don't see me as their friend anymore but rather john's girlfriend. erica isn't here anymore so i have no one to talk to when i'm upset. John rarely gets why i'm upset if i am and most of the time the reason why i'm upset i can't even talk to him about because he caused it...i love john but he's turned my world upside down. Last year a girl i work with told me that this year i would want to get out of fitchburg...i didn't believe her because at the time i still had my friends and i wasn't forced to grow up yet. But she was right. The only thing that makes me want to stay here now is dance. Swimming used to mean the world to me...now dance is my everything. The pure happiness i have when i dance is something that i want to hold on to for as long as i can.

the real world is right around the corner and it's scary. i don't what i want to do with the rest of my life. I just want time to stop. i don't like having to throw away being a kid. no one ever taught us how to grow up in school.