Commence recap
I haven't posted regularly for the last several years, so here's an overview of what life was like during that period, and how depression ate half my twenties.
The gradual downward spiral started around 2007, when I went back to Notre Dame for my senior year and lived alone in an off-campus apartment. I lost touch with everyone in real life except Steve, Will, and my parents. I cried hysterically every time they left after weekend visits, because that total solitude was so painful. KoL chat was my only connection to humanity most days. Guess how well I did in class, when I even bothered to go. At one point, I had so many absences in one course that the professor got sick of my excuses and was about to fail me, until I ripped open a cuticle, dripped blood all over one of my sweatshirts, and sent him a picture to "prove" that my nosebleed excuse that week was valid.
Things evened out for a bit once I graduated and came home- went on different, stronger medication, found steady part-time employment, thought I might have a chance of going to law school eventually, met Jennifer, the best friend I will ever have in the world, spent a bit more time on KoL until the Great Fuckery of 2008, and went nuts delving into every craft that interested me that I'd never had time to play with before. I thought that maybe, finally, things were on track.
Yeah, not so much. You know the slow, gradual rise of a roller coaster right before the huge stomach-displacing drop? 2009 was the drop. The job was mindless, dead-end, and convinced me that I would never survive being an attorney. I tried going to grad school at UIC after my position at work was made obsolete, but disability studies wasn't a particularly good fit for me- I wanted to work toward something practical rather than academic. About the time I reached that conclusion and started looking into other options, life just...slipped away. I honestly don't even remember what happened for most of the next two and a half years. I don't even remember posting the last few entries here.
But sometime last spring, I hit bottom. As in, I couldn't move from the futon in Steve's apartment unless I had to use the bathroom, and I had to talk myself into even doing that. Total zombie. The only way I communicated was through Ravelry forum posts, because it was easy to hide from real life there. Jennifer played a major part in yanking me out of that funk, by pushing and yelling and insisting that I needed to get help RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. She was right, and I did.
(huh, looks like I mentioned that one...it took a while longer before she was actually able to get through to me)
Will finish later.
The gradual downward spiral started around 2007, when I went back to Notre Dame for my senior year and lived alone in an off-campus apartment. I lost touch with everyone in real life except Steve, Will, and my parents. I cried hysterically every time they left after weekend visits, because that total solitude was so painful. KoL chat was my only connection to humanity most days. Guess how well I did in class, when I even bothered to go. At one point, I had so many absences in one course that the professor got sick of my excuses and was about to fail me, until I ripped open a cuticle, dripped blood all over one of my sweatshirts, and sent him a picture to "prove" that my nosebleed excuse that week was valid.
Things evened out for a bit once I graduated and came home- went on different, stronger medication, found steady part-time employment, thought I might have a chance of going to law school eventually, met Jennifer, the best friend I will ever have in the world, spent a bit more time on KoL until the Great Fuckery of 2008, and went nuts delving into every craft that interested me that I'd never had time to play with before. I thought that maybe, finally, things were on track.
Yeah, not so much. You know the slow, gradual rise of a roller coaster right before the huge stomach-displacing drop? 2009 was the drop. The job was mindless, dead-end, and convinced me that I would never survive being an attorney. I tried going to grad school at UIC after my position at work was made obsolete, but disability studies wasn't a particularly good fit for me- I wanted to work toward something practical rather than academic. About the time I reached that conclusion and started looking into other options, life just...slipped away. I honestly don't even remember what happened for most of the next two and a half years. I don't even remember posting the last few entries here.
But sometime last spring, I hit bottom. As in, I couldn't move from the futon in Steve's apartment unless I had to use the bathroom, and I had to talk myself into even doing that. Total zombie. The only way I communicated was through Ravelry forum posts, because it was easy to hide from real life there. Jennifer played a major part in yanking me out of that funk, by pushing and yelling and insisting that I needed to get help RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. She was right, and I did.
(huh, looks like I mentioned that one...it took a while longer before she was actually able to get through to me)
Will finish later.