every day is exactly the same

[icyfire081]

im not sure about anything anymore. it's all so confusing. no matter the effort that you put into any relationship you are fucked. in the end they all go away and all thats left is the memories of what you had. i know i have to go out and do this all over again. blind myself about anothers imperfections and my own, fall in love again, realize its a lie and then become devestated again. i hate being alone, but i hate being with other people. it's not that i hate living, because i have an amazing drive to live, but im at the point where im really looking for an answer. but all whom i turn to give me a generic answer of either god or time. both are what i don't have. i don't care about religion because i've been there. and as for time it drags on so slowly and makes me dread being conscious. im so tired but sleep does nothing for how i feel. i think way too much and i need to stop. im tired of it all. and there is not a thing that i can do. and i know this, that has got to be the most depressing thing. i hate it when people tell me they love me, i really do. the thing that hurts the most is when i know they are lying, it's a love out of pity. i don't need pity. i don't want it. who knows what i want. i sure as hell don't. my thinking is starting to spiral down again and i can't control it. on and on and i know this ride will never stop. i want to think that i am special. that i am here as only me, that once someone really gets to know me that i will blow them away. but the more i talk to people the more i realize that im exactly the same as every single person out there. millions of people who are worth nothing in the end. thats me. another funny looking face in the herd that continuously marches to the end. i guess the only thing that sets me apart is that everyone else around me seems to be happy with this worthless existence and can keep a lid on it. not i, im losing it and i the great thing is i get to have a front row seat to the end of my world. im tired of everyday being the same as the last. i tell myself that writing all this out helps and that ill look at it later and be comforted. but the only thing i get this is my thoughts laid out and a clear picture that i am indeed losing it and seem to be doomed to being lost for a long long time. maybe it's not such a bad thing ? and the great thing is that im going to look at this later and think to myself about how much of a fucking idiot i am. it's great.

I believe I can see the future
Because I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
Then again, that might have been a dream

I think I used to have a voice
Now I never make a sound
I just do what I’ve been told
I really don’t want them to come around
Oh, no.

Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same

I can feel their eyes are watching
In case I lose myself again
Sometimes I think I’m happy here
Sometimes, yeah, I still pretend
I can’t remember how this got started
But I can tell you exactly how it will end.

Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same

I’m writing on a little piece of paper
I’m hoping someday you might find
Well, I’ll hide it behind something
They won’t look behind

I am still inside here
A little bit comes bleeding through
I wish this could have been any other way
But I just don’t know, I don’t know,
What else I can do…