Half asleep
I was in a happy mood today. For once in a long time I laughed and smiled, rather than so many tears that seem to fall anymore. I was posessed by boredom when I got home from school so I made myself go to sleep and so now I just woke up. Theres these little things that I do that I hate myself for. When I do them it's like someone else. And now I am throwing a guilt trip on myself for being so rediculous. And I realized today that I don't love Stephen but I love what he either "used to be" or "what I want him to be" because this Stephen that I am seeing now is not anything like the one that I fell in love with. His pictures are hidden in my dresser drawer, the pills are on the counter, I have half a pack of cigerattes, memories that won't fade away, and that song that I sing to remember him by anyways. Thats my fucking life. Who I am anymore. Struggling all because of him. It realy is'nt fair to blame him for the loss of my sanity but he is the reason besides my adderall which I am now addicted to. So have a nice day. Love always ~Megan Gabrielle Hazelwood~