New Fanfiction: Falling to Pieces-part 1
Author: ICitAll
Rating: NC17
Summary: He’s willing to take the risk if she is.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters
A/N: This is a sequel or a continuation of “A Sorta Fairytale”
Falling to Pieces
Part 1
After that first night, that night John just can’t stop thinking about, they slip backwards and loose ground.
“We can’t do this.” There’s no conviction in her words, only a quiet uncertainty that she is struggling with. John understands, he feels it too, he feels the fear but unlike Elizabeth he acknowledges it but looks beyond because he knows this is worth it. He’s willing to take the risk if she is.
“Then what’re we gonna do?” He asks quietly watching her shoulders hunch forward, her body collapsing around the cup of coffee cupped between her palms. She shrugs slightly and he can’t help but notice how tired she looks, beautiful still but so utterly exhausted.
“How did this happen?” she breathes, her eyes staring blindly at the table and now it’s his turn to shrug.
John’s never been the guy to talk about relationships and feelings, he’s always been a ‘shut up so I can kiss you’ kind of guy but he knows that Elizabeth functions through language and so he’ll try and pray to God that he doesn’t trip, stumble and fall over his words.
“Elizabeth, I can’t really tell you how this happened or even when it started.” He begins carefully and he watches her swallow and meet his gaze timidly causing the corner of his mouth to curl upwards slightly in reassurance.
“But I feel something for you. Something…strong and I know that you feel something for me too. I know you do.” She looks away sharply, staring at a spot over his head with wet glassy eyes. “And I have to know.” He speaks quietly while the cafeteria’s night crew moves languidly around them but keeps a respectable distance.
She takes a tight, shuddering breath, a choked off noise catching in her throat as she drops her head. “I’m afraid, John.” Her voice is thick with tears and his own emotions stall in the back of his throat. “God, I’m terrified. What if it doesn’t work, john? What if we don’t work? We could loose everything. The city.” Her voice cracks on the words and she inhales hard, trying to fight the emotions that are getting the better of her.
He leans forward across the table, sliding her coffee cup out of her grip to press his fingertips into her palm, stroking lightly. Her fingers curl around his and he licks his lips because despite the feelings that burn in his chest they don’t really do this in public, they don’t really touch anywhere but safely locked away in their quarters.
“I want this.” His voice is hoarse as he strokes her wrist. “And I know you do too. Don’t you?” She nods slightly.
“Then let’s give it a shot. Nobody has to know but us.”
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It’s been a long time since John was last in a relationship. Like a real life relationship, not one that was a mask for a connection based on nothing more than sex and he knows that the last relationship Elizabeth was in was with Simon so it’s not really surprising that they’re having a hard time.
It’s definitely disheartening but not really all that shocking and the whole keeping it a secret thing isn’t really helping.
It’s late, really late but John and Elizabeth are both up. He’s trying to finish up some mission reports sitting at the desk in Elizabeth’s quarters while she moves around him, expelling a nervous energy he’s never seen or felt and he stops to watch her.
“Elizabeth, are you alright?” He asks quietly and she stops straightening her books across the room and turns to face him.
“Yes. Of course.” She exhales and he watches her curiously. She seems agitated and John can’t remember doing anything to make her that way.
“Do you want me to leave?” he asks because though John is generous with his space and time its harder for Elizabeth. She’s use to being alone and closed off. She’s use to the barrier between her and the other people in the city and John wonders if he’s encroaching on her space.
“No. No, John.” She’s shakes her head and when he reaches his hand towards her she takes it and lets him pull her so she’s standing between his knees.
“What’s wrong?” He asks pressing his chin against her hip and peering up at her. Her fingers slide through his hair absently and he smiles at her new habit of playing with his hair.
She shrugs lopsidedly and his hands stroke the sides of her smooth legs and he’s very grateful for the little boy shorts Elizabeth has taken to sleeping in lately as she steps in tighter to him.
And then suddenly it hits him, Elizabeth wants to have sex.
With him.
She’s staring down at him, teeth embedded into her bottom lip and he’s the idiot who been doing paperwork all night.
He and Elizabeth haven’t been together a lot. In fact, he can count on one hand how many times they’ve been together since embarking on this relationship 5 weeks ago. With their schedules there’s no time for sex, only work and sleep and most of the time they fall into bed separately because a lot of energy is involved in sneaking around in the middle of the night.
John pulls her forward to straddle him in the desk chair and he hears her exhale shakily. He fakes a yawn that includes phony arm stretching and she looks at him with a sharp grin.
“So it’s pretty late.” He begins and she nods.
“It is.”
“And I think we should get to bed.” She leans forward dragging her mouth over his softly before pulling back slightly.
“We should.” And then she’s pressing her face into his neck and John has to squeeze his eyes shut when her teeth find the shell of his ear.
“So…would you mind if I crashed here?”
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“Is this going to work?” Her voice is real quiet from behind him and John almost misses it because he’s too focused on her hands kneading the tension from his shoulders, the heat from where she’s straddling his hips and the curve of the mattress under their weight.
“Hmm?” John hums absently, pressing the side of his face into the pillow and she digs into the knotted muscle at the base of his neck.
“Us, John.” She clarifies without stopping her massage and without hesitation he answers.
“Yeah. We’ll work out fine if we just…let it. If we don’t worry and question everything. Yeah, we’ll be just fine.” A John answer with a sureness that he thinks startles her because her hands stop just for a moment.
When he looks over his shoulder at her she’s watching him intently, loose curls tucked behind her ears. Her eyes search his and he lets her look, wants her to know that he honestly believes this.
That he believes in them.
Her lips twitch upward and then she’s smiling.
“Okay.” She breathes and then it’s that simple.
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John thinks they’re may be getting the hang of this whole ‘secret relationship’ thing.
Yeah, in the beginning it was a little weird. Sometimes they were too affectionate with small touches and smiles, which kind of made people suspicious or they were too cool and professional which, strangely, made people even more suspicious but they’ve settled into some type of rhythm.
And John knows that they have the ‘relationship’ thing down because John, who prides himself on always being control of himself, feels like he’s in a free fall when he’s around her and he likes it.
He loves it.
He loves her.
“So we just have to guess?” Ronon’s boredom and confusion are obvious in the timber of his voice but John ignores it, squeezing his eyes shut as a trickle of sweat runs down the middle of his forehead as they wind their way through a thick jungle of alien forest that forced John to land the puddle jumper 2 miles from the civilization.
“Well, yeah. I guess, but it’s more complicated then that.” John sighs in annoyance glancing back at Teyla whose mouth is curled up in a bemused smile.
“Yes, well, you can’t just ask any questions. The premise of the game is to ask twenty-one descriptive questions to figure out the object the person is thinking of.” Rodney explains gruffly and Ronon looks at him before visibly shrugging off the entire conversation.
“Can we stop?” Ronon asks dragging the back of his hand across his forehead and John nods.
“Yeah. Let’s take 15. Everyone stay hydrated.”
Rodney drops his pack quickly. “I’m gonna go…you know.” He gestures to the woods and John arches an eyebrow.
“No we don’t know McKay.” John hears Teyla’s faint chuckle somewhere behind him as she takes a seat in the muggy shade of a tree. McKay gives him a grimace before disappearing into the woods.
John drops his pack and sinks to the ground after it, yanking his canteen from the bag and pressing his mouth to the opening.
“So when did you and Dr. Weir start sleeping together.” Ronon’s blunt words make John choke on his water and he coughs as it finds its way into his nasal passage.
“What?!” John squawks loudly, wiping at his nose and mouth and turning to stare at Ronon where he sits sprawled beside Teyla who is smiling at him.
Apparently he and Elizabeth aren’t as good at secret relationships as he thought they were getting.
“It is quite obvious, John.” Teyla adds and John feels like he might throw up.
“No, its not.” He mumbles.
“It is.” Ronon grunts taking a swallow from his own canteen.
“Does Rodney know?” John hisses looking through the woods for signs of Mckay’s impending return.
“Rodney does not tend to notice things that do not personally relate to him.” Teyla says and John nods.
“Look, you guys can’t tell anyone, not even Rodney. And Elizabeth can’t know that you know or that I know that you know.” John speaks quickly and Ronon gives a bewildered ‘huh?’ that makes Teyla elbow him in the ribs.
“We will not speak a word of it. To anyone.” John smiles gratefully at Teyla as Rodney comes clambering back through the trees, scratching at the back of his arm furiously.
“I think something bit me or I got some sort of alien poison ivy or something.”
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Atlantis is in mourning.
One of the teams comes back 3 men short. 3 men that are gone forever and Atlantis is in mourning. The day has been long with funeral services and paperwork but John isn’t all that surprised when he finds Elizabeth in her office so late at night.
“Come to bed.” He mutters leaning up against the frame of the door to her office and she jumps a little, looking up at him.
“John…” she begins tiredly but he cuts her off stepping into her office.
“Elizabeth, it’s late. Come to bed.”
“No.” He’s a little put off by her answer and he moves to stand in front of her desk.
“Elizabeth.” He tries but it’s her time to cut him off, her eyebrows furrowing in frustration.
“No, John! No! I need to finish these letters. Their families deserve to-to…” She stops abruptly dropping her head and taking a slow deep breath. “Just let me finish.”
Elizabeth loves Atlantis, in some ways even more than him. While John feels connected to the city, Elizabeth is the heart of it. She loves the city and her people and when anything happens she feels it. She feels it and right now she’s hurting.
John sinks into the seat across from her, in front of her desk and she drops her head and continues to work on her laptop, fingers moving over the keys as if he wasn’t even there.
He’s never seen her like this, so visibly in pain and he knows it means something that she hasn’t even attempted to pull on the stoic mask she wears in public during situations like this.
John watches her work, watches the tears fill her eyes and make them glassy, he waits until a tear escapes, landing on the keys, and her hands stop moving. She takes a trembling shallow breath, then another.
He stands slowly, carefully. “C’mon, Elizabeth, lets go to bed.”
She stands quietly in the bathroom, watching as John fiddles with the shower, adjusting the temperature.
“There.” He mutters to himself before turning back towards Elizabeth. She doesn’t move when he presses close to her, just closes her eyes and hiccups a breath and John really can’t take seeing her like this. He’s doesn’t know what to do, how to relieve some of her pain but he’s going to try, she deserves for him to at least try.
The shower whines in the background while John slowly strips Elizabeth, guiding her out of her clothes before folding them and putting them on the counter top. When John’s done he starts in on his own clothes until he’s naked too while the room fills with steam.
He guides her into the small shower and the water pounds hot against his shoulders and back while he stands over Elizabeth, shielding her from the rain, protecting her.
He smoothes his hands over her head, pushing her wet hair back away from her face. He swallows hard because the way she’s looking at him, broken and desperate, her chin trembling, has emotion forcing its way into his throat. He presses his wet palm to her cheek and croaks “Baby”
“John.” She sobs his name like she’s dying then she’s leaning forward, pressing her forehead against his collarbone and breaking in his arms.
She’s crying so hard, speaking brokenly and he can’t even begin to make out what she’s saying but he nods his head and murmurs in her ear like he understands.
When he finally manages to get her into bed, naked and her hair still damp, he slides in beside her and she rolls over to tuck her head beneath his chin. She’s still shaking and sniffling quietly and he strokes her back slowly.
When he first feels her mouth open against his throat he doesn’t know what she’s doing but then she does it again, sucking at his skin. Her teeth scrape against his Adam’s apple and she’s pulling him down on top of her.
“Elizabeth. Baby, hold on” He sputters, holding himself on his arms above her.
“John can we just…I just need you.” She whispers peering up at him with watery eyes before leaning up to kiss him.
Inexplicably, he’s a little afraid to do this. John loves being with Elizabeth, loves making love to her but he’s never been with her when she’s needed him so badly. He doesn’t want to disappoint her but he wants to make her feel good.
“Okay. Okay.” He breathes easing his weight on top of her, kissing her slow and deep like he’s learned she likes. His tongue pushes deep into her mouth, trying to overwhelm her, to blot out all the pain and just give her this, if only for a little while.
Her hands keep pulling him harder against her, tighter and when she drags her mouth from his and says “Touch me.” Soft and weak he doesn’t hesitate, dropping his lips to her neck and letting his hands find her breast.
He nips gently at her neck and she bucks lightly, twisting beneath him.
“Use your teeth.” She hisses and John groans, sinking his teeth into the tendons in her neck and sucking hard. He groans again at the helpless cry that rips past her lips and John wonders how she’ll feel about the hickey she’ll have tomorrow
Her hands grip his ass unexpectedly and he rocks hard against her and he’s hard and desperate and loosing control.
“Elizabeth w-wait…” he breathes sounding more than a little panicked to even himself but she shakes her head no and then her left hand is sliding between them and between her own thighs.
“Jesus.” He can feel her hand moving and he grips a fistful of hair, kissing her hard while his other hand fumbles between them, meeting hers, sliding into her heat. When his thumb finds her clit she arches against him, crushing her breasts against his chest then her hand is around his cock, sliding the head of him against her wet heat and before he realize what she’s doing the head is slipping inside of her.
“Fuck. Hold on. Elizabeth, hold on.” He panics stilling his hips with more control he knew he had considering the raw heat of her surrounding him, skin to skin.
“Please…” Elizabeth groans and she’s moving up against him, forcing a slow, scorching thrust that leaves him shaking.
“Oh Christ, no. No.” John swallows squeezing his eyes shut. “Where are they Elizabeth? Where are the condoms?” He asks desperately even though they’ve had sex here before John can’t remember where the hell they are.
She doesn’t answer, instead dragging him down into another thrust, muttering against his neck quietly. There’s a bed side table to his right and John’s reaches over, knocking almost everything off of the top in his frantic search for the damned condoms. When he finally finds them he has wrestle it on, ignoring Elizabeth’s harsh breathing in an attempt to stay focused.
When he finally, finally, has it on he sinks back into her slow and deep. She hisses quietly and he pulls back a little watching her. Her eyes are squeezed shut while he rocks gently into her.
“Harder.” She asks one arm curling around his shoulder and so he does. She asks again and again and he answers her because how the hell can he deny her when she’s like this?
It feels like he’s going to hard, to deep but she’s dripping wet around him and so good and maybe this is what she needed. He grips both of her wrists in his hands, pinning them to the mattress on either side of her head and she’s crying out on every thrust, on the verge of orgasm.
As it turns out the first time Elizabeth ever tells him that she loves him it’s when she breathes it against his ear, broken and feeble, while she comes wet and tight and so fucking hard around him.
“I love you…God, I-I love you.” Her lips move against his ear and then he’s coming white hot inside of her, like his chest is splitting apart. John lets go of her wrists slowly and pulls out of her, rolling to the side and pressing his face into a pillow that smells like Elizabeth, gasping into the cotton.
“Elizabeth?” he mumbles into the pillow before turning his head to look at her and she’s staring up at the ceiling breathing hard, her throat working as she swallows.
“I’m sorry.” She breathes and John licks his lips carefully, feeling his heart flutter in his chest.
“No don’t say sorry. Did you mean it?” He asks quietly, when he reaches out to finger the red mark his teeth left on her neck she turns to meet his gaze.
“Yeah.” She sighs hoarsely staring back up at the ceiling as if this was something she never meant for him to find out. Like it was something she never even meant to feel for him. “I did.”
John moves closer, drawing Elizabeth into his arms and for a second time she fits her head beneath his chin just as she begins to cry again. He tells her that he loves her too, that he’s in love with her too and she clings to him and cries harder.
Part 2