sick of it
i'm f**** sick of being single. i hate it. and i hate to go out with couples.
today i was out with kathi & stevie. we went to play pool. i guess it could have been fun. i love both of them to death. but since they were hugging and kissing and stuff... i just felt like i was totally out of place and redundant. when going out with somebody and their gf or bf i just don't know what to do. to say..where to look. i so hate it.. makes me feel really uncomfortable. i always think i should have stayed at home. and even if we are having fun it still reminds of how i'm often alone.. and how i don't have anybody to hug me.. and then i have to think about josh and dan.. and how they made me feel good.. even if it was only for a moment. i miss that. i hate to be alone. i hate to know that there is nobody thinking of me. and even though i'm happy for my friends that they are happy it makes me so jealous. and the more i think about it the lonelier i feel. and the chance that i might get to know somebody seems to decrease more and more. and so i spend another night alone...
today i was out with kathi & stevie. we went to play pool. i guess it could have been fun. i love both of them to death. but since they were hugging and kissing and stuff... i just felt like i was totally out of place and redundant. when going out with somebody and their gf or bf i just don't know what to do. to say..where to look. i so hate it.. makes me feel really uncomfortable. i always think i should have stayed at home. and even if we are having fun it still reminds of how i'm often alone.. and how i don't have anybody to hug me.. and then i have to think about josh and dan.. and how they made me feel good.. even if it was only for a moment. i miss that. i hate to be alone. i hate to know that there is nobody thinking of me. and even though i'm happy for my friends that they are happy it makes me so jealous. and the more i think about it the lonelier i feel. and the chance that i might get to know somebody seems to decrease more and more. and so i spend another night alone...