Just a word to anyone that may be wondering...
I've been hard to get ahold of...and I haven't been good about emailing people back or updating my journal. I'm really sorry. I'm so busy that it makes me want to hole up in my apartment with a bottle of jack and and a pistol. Well, not really but it's a cool mental image.
I'm feeling kind of scattered. I've been doing better lately, I mean as far as keeping it together and staying stablish(?). I'm beginning to feel more like myself again, which makes me really happy. I think that my life is slowly coming back together. Kelly seems to be doing well too, even as he suffers my instabilities. He's truly the most wonderful and selfless person on the planet.
Also...I know that I need to be more social. I've become a hermit, which really isn't like me. The problem is that many of the people that want me to be more social and people that I want to see are related to some of the very things that are making my life difficult and things that bring me a lot of pain. So, it's be anti-social and depressed, or get out and attempt to have a good time and inevitably invite more stress onto myself by showing my face in public because it opens the door for badness to hunt me down. I know all that is vague as hell, but it's hard for me to pinpoint things here.
I want to go camping...or something like that. I don't want to do it around here though. I want to go somewhere that I've never been outside of NC and just live in the woods for a few days. The way that I've been feeling lately I would be likely not to come back.
Guniw Tools should to get back together and come to america. At least Full is still making music and is easy to get in touch with. If anyone is interested he must be really bored because he's in the chat on www.niwlun.net all the time. I just get nervous when I go into the chat room because my japanese isn't great and most of the time get lost in the conversation. I hate asking people to speak english for my benefit, so I just interject something every now and then or just stay quiet trying to figure out the kanji that I don't know, or what some of the slangy stuff means. I need someone to jack into my skull and upload an instant japanese language program. Any takers?
I'm 3.5 hours late for work.
I'll be commenting and talking to all of you soon, hopefully on my next day off. I don't want anyone to think that I'm ignoring them. I love you all. :)
I'm feeling kind of scattered. I've been doing better lately, I mean as far as keeping it together and staying stablish(?). I'm beginning to feel more like myself again, which makes me really happy. I think that my life is slowly coming back together. Kelly seems to be doing well too, even as he suffers my instabilities. He's truly the most wonderful and selfless person on the planet.
Also...I know that I need to be more social. I've become a hermit, which really isn't like me. The problem is that many of the people that want me to be more social and people that I want to see are related to some of the very things that are making my life difficult and things that bring me a lot of pain. So, it's be anti-social and depressed, or get out and attempt to have a good time and inevitably invite more stress onto myself by showing my face in public because it opens the door for badness to hunt me down. I know all that is vague as hell, but it's hard for me to pinpoint things here.
I want to go camping...or something like that. I don't want to do it around here though. I want to go somewhere that I've never been outside of NC and just live in the woods for a few days. The way that I've been feeling lately I would be likely not to come back.
Guniw Tools should to get back together and come to america. At least Full is still making music and is easy to get in touch with. If anyone is interested he must be really bored because he's in the chat on www.niwlun.net all the time. I just get nervous when I go into the chat room because my japanese isn't great and most of the time get lost in the conversation. I hate asking people to speak english for my benefit, so I just interject something every now and then or just stay quiet trying to figure out the kanji that I don't know, or what some of the slangy stuff means. I need someone to jack into my skull and upload an instant japanese language program. Any takers?
I'm 3.5 hours late for work.
I'll be commenting and talking to all of you soon, hopefully on my next day off. I don't want anyone to think that I'm ignoring them. I love you all. :)