[Multi-chapter] My Long Way to Marry You (4/?)
Title : My Long Way to Marry You (Chapter 4/?)
Author : icha_kazeinda and my beloved sister aka_caster
Pairing : Sakuraiba, Juntoshi (side)
Rating : PG-13
Genre : Romance, Drama, Angst
Disclaimer : It's just our imagination
Summary : How I wish to hold him. Kissing his red lips. Seeing him laugh. Hearing his cheerful voice. Want to make love to him. But I couldn't. I can't. Because I'm away. Far away...
A/N : - Beta-ed by our best friend. Thanks for your helping, dear. *big hugs*
- Our native language is not English so we're sorry for bad grammars and any mistakes or typos here and there m(_ _)m
[DON'T YOU KNOW SOMEONE IS SUFFERING BECAUSE OF YOU!!!]
*Sho's POV*
Sho-chan...
“Masaki...” I mumbled and slowly opened my eyes. I frowned when I realized that I was lying on at a strange room.
“Where am I?” I thought and tried to stand up on my feet. I scanned the room I was lying on. Everything was in white. The floor, the roof and the wall. There’s even no door or window in the room.
“Why am I here? What happened to me?” I tried to remember the last thing before I closed my eyes and then it suddenly struck that I was in an alley and on my way back home. I widened my eyes when I remembered that drunk man who stabbed me and stole my bag. I touched my stomach but there’s no wound on it. At the moment I just realized that I was wearing a white shirt and white trousers. When had I changed my clothes? I thought. Suddenly I heard a voice. A beautiful voice that I yearn so much.
Sho-chan... Please don’t leave me alone...
“Masaki??” I turned my head to search the owner of the voice that I loved but I couldn’t find any other person inside that room. Then I heard his voice again. It sounded very desperate and sad.
Sho-chan... I can’t live without you... Please come back to me...
I clenched my fist and held back my tears to come out. His voice was really breaking my heart.
“Masaki!!” I shouted, “Masaki, where are you??!!”
His voice kept calling my name many times and it made my heart bursted with needs to see him more and more.
Please, God... I want to see him... I need to see him... I prayed silently on my mind and closed my eyes for a moment. When I opened my eyes, I was a bit startled and stepped back. I was not in that white room anymore. I looked carefully around me and realized that I was in a hospital lobby. Why a hospital? Don’t tell me I...
Suddenly I saw some familiar figures in front of me. I was facing their backs but I could already recognized one of them the moment I saw it. The back that I hugged everyday from behind when he made breakfast for me. Masaki...
I walked slowly to him. He was standing between Jun and Satoshi. In front of them were my mother and my father and a woman I didn’t really know. They were standing in front of a doctor and was talking about something serious. I could sense it from the doctor’s expression. I read what was written at the door behind them. ICU??
When I was standing some steps behind them, I heard Masaki asked the doctor, “Sensei, is there something happened?”
I was curious to hear what they were talking and decided to step closer to them. When I was finally stood behind them, I could hear clearly what the doctor said to my mother.
“Sakurai-san, I’m sorry but it seems that your son’s struggle has not ended yet. He’s in comatose and it can be for weeks, months or years. I will check his condition everyday. For now, we can only pray for the best for him.” I was too preoccupied with what the doctor saying when suddenly I heard Jun screamed.
“Masaki!!!!”
I startled and looked at Jun. He was now holding Masaki who was fainted in his arm. Masaki!!! I approached him and when I was going to hug him, I froze. I... I can’t touch him!! Why can’t I touch him?!!! I desperately tried to touch and hugged him but it was useless. My body went through his, like a shadow.
“Jun, just take care of Aiba-chan. He needs you most right now. Don’t worry, I will wait here with auntie and uncle. If there’s any progress about Sho, I will tell both of you immediately.” I heard Satoshi said beside Jun.
Satoshi, Jun!! I’m here!! I waved my hand in front of them but they still couldn’t see me. Why... why can’t you guys see me?? I’m here... I clenched my fist and a tear dropped from my eyes.
Jun, as if he ignored me, carried Masaki in his arm and ready to take him home. He apologized to everyone in the room for leaving first. A tear dropped from my mother’s eyes while looking at Masaki.
“It’s okay, Jun-kun. Please take care of Masaki,ne. I know it must be hard for him.” My mother caressed Masaki’s head and held back her tears to come more.
Jun bowed slightly and quickly took Masaki to his car. I stood at my place, frustated because I couldn’t do anything. I was very confused. I wanted to be with Masaki because I couldn’t just stand here seeing Masaki at such condition, but at the same time I was really curious about what happened to me. Should I follow Masaki and Jun? Or should I get inside the ICU room?
After some moment thinking what I should do first, with a deep sigh I decided to get inside the ICU room and left my parents with the doctor outside. I was still a bit curious about the woman next to my mom but I decided to ignore her. Maybe she just someone my mom know., I thought while standing in front of the ICU door which was closed. If I can’t touch Masaki, it means I can’t touch this door either. Right?
I slowly extended my hand to touch the door, but as I expected I couldn’t touch it. Am I really become a ghost now? I sighed sadly while closing my eyes and step forward, passing through the door. Once I was inside the ICU room, I could hear beeping sound which seemed like a someone’s heartbeat. I opened my eyes slowly and realized that I was standing in a front of a bed with someone laid on it. I stepped closer to look closely at the person’s face. Eventhough I had already knew who was it even before I entered the room, I still couldn’t believe it.
Tears started to flow on my cheek. There was me, laying on the bed with tubes attached to my wirst and oxygen mask covered my nose. There were many tools beside my bed. My head was bandaged and my face was really pale, like a dead man.
I heard someone opened the door behind me and when I turned back I saw my mom. She trembled while slowly walking toward the bed. She couldn’t hold back her tears anymore and started crying while caressing my pale cheek.
“Sho my dear. Mom is here. Please wake up, son. It’s been a while since last time I saw you, since you’re busy with your work and your life with Masaki. When I finally can see you again, why it has to be such a condition like this?”
I miss you too, Mom. Very much. I ‘hugged’ my mom from behind, eventhough I knew I couldn’t touch her but I kept pretending to be able to hug her and cried there. After some moment, my mother started to speak again.
“You have to be strong, Sho. You have to fight back and come back to us. Mom needs you. Masaki too. He worry about you very much. Didn’t you tell me before that you wanted to see his cheerful smile and made him happy everyday? How can he smile brightly like before if the one he loved isn’t there with him? Please, son. Open your eyes... For me... For Masaki...”
At the mentioned of Masaki, I remembered that his condition wasn’t better either and it started to worry me. Can he lives normally without me? Who will take care of him when I’m unconscious here? I ‘kissed’ my mother’s cheek. See you, Mom, I whispered and went out of the ICU. I wanted to go back to my apartment to see Masaki, but how? I was kinda become a spirit, my body was here in the hospital and I couldn’t ask someone to get me to my apartment since nobody could see me.
Then I remember earlier when I was in the white room and in a blink of eye I suddenly moved to this hospital. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
Focus, Sho! You could do this earlier! There’s no way you can’t do this for the second time! Think about your apartment!
I slowly opened my eyes, and I did it. Now I was standing in the middle of my living room. Masaki, I’m home... I smiled weakly and turned around when I heard some rustles at the kitchen. Jun... He was cooking something. I took a peep behind him and I could see that he was cooking porridge. It must be for Masaki. Thank you so much Jun.
Then I remembered about the man I love very much. Where is he? Suddenly I heard sobs. It’s very weak, even Jun couldn’t hear it and kept concentrated on his cooking, but I could recognize it immediately.
Masaki!!
I quickly ran to bedroom and without thinking passed through my bedroom’s door. Inside there, I saw Masaki was sleeping in the middle of the bed with blanket covered his body. He was sobbing in his sleep and mumbled something.
“Sho-chan... please don’t leave me alone... I can’t live without you... take me with you... I want to be with you forever...”
I couldn’t hold my tears anymore and immediately climbed up to the bed. I ‘caressed’ his hair with my right hand and ‘wiped’ tears in his cheek with my other hand.
Sshh... Masaki... Calm down... I’m here, baby. I won’t and never leave you alone. I love you very much. I can’t live without you either, dear.
Masaki suddenly trembled and cried harder than before. I ‘hugged’ him very tight, eventhough I knew it’s so useless but I couldn’t stand to see Masaki like that.
“Sho-chan!!! Sho-chan, don’t leave me please!! SHO-CHAAAAANN!!!”
Masaki!! Please calm down!! I’m here!! Baby, please!!
I could hear someone opened the door with a loud bang. I sat up beside Masaki and turned my head. Jun was panicked and put the food tray on the table. He immediately ran toward Masaki and shook Masaki’s shoulder, trying to wake up Masaki.
“Masaki!! It’s just a dream!! Please wake up!! Masaki!!!”
Masaki slowly opened his eyes. He sweated a lot on his forehead. He choked a sob while looking at Jun.
“J-jun... Sho-chan... Is he going to leave me alone? I... I want to go with him, Jun. I c-can’t live without him, Jun. I... I...”
Jun hugged Masaki very tight while caressing his back. Masaki buried his face on Jun’s chest and cried uncontrollably there. Jun tried so hard to hold back his tears and said reassurance words to Masaki.
“Masaki, I believe Sho is now trying his best to fight back to come back to you, to us. So you have to do the same. You have to be strong, for Sho’s sake. He won’t leave you alone and I can assure that. Would you promise to me to be strong and keep patient to wait Sho come back to us?”
Masaki grabbed Jun’s shirt tighter and nodded slowly. I bit my lip and clenched my fist, frustated because I couldn’t do anything. For a moment they stayed like that. After Masaki calmed down a bit, Jun released him from his arm and looked at Masaki.
“Masaki, I make porridge for you. You haven’t eaten anything, have you?”
Masaki shook his head a little. Jun sighed and climbed down the bed to take the tray on the table. He sat at the edge of the bed and put the tray there. He looked at Masaki.
“Do you want me to feed you? Or...” suddenly Jun’s phone rang. He read the message on the phone and frowned. Masaki looked at Jun and couldn’t help to ask.
“What happened, Jun?”
Jun sighed while looking at the phone, “It’s my editor. He asks me to come to his place to talk about my new novel. Why it has to be at this hour? It’s 3.00 AM for God’s sake! Can he even think about my private time?” then he looked at Masaki.
“Masaki, I...”
“Go, Jun. I will be all right. I feel better now. If he wants you to come at this hour, it means something serious, right?” Masaki tried to smile weakly. Jun wanted to say something but was interrupted by Masaki.
“Don’t worry about me. I will eat the porridge and then go to sleep. Just finish your work, okay?”
Jun slowly nodded and headed to the bedroom’s door. I stood up and walked toward Jun.
No!!! Jun!! Please stay with Masaki a bit longer! Don’t leave him alone at this state! He needs you most for now! I beg you... Please... I can’t do anything if something happened with him... I desperately tried to stop Jun from leaving Masaki alone at the moment. He’s the only hope for me to take care of Masaki.
“Jun...”
Jun and I turned our head to see Masaki on the bed. He was hesistated to say something but after a moment he spoke softly to Jun.
“C-can you pick me up tomorrow morning? I want to go back to the hospital.”
Jun frowned at Masaki’s words, “But, Masaki... Your condition is...”
“Please, Jun... I need to see him. I can’t stay here and do nothing. It kills me slowly. Please...” Masaki looked at Jun on his eyes while begging. Jun sighed and nodded. Masaki smiled at him and thanked him when he closed the door. I heard Jun’s step slowly dissapeared and there’s a sound of door closing from outside the bedroom. I looked at Masaki who’s slowly ate the porridge Jun made earlier. There’s no expression on his face. I started to worry about him. I decided to sat on the edge of the bed and ‘caressed’ his cheek slowly. Masaki...
After he finished his food, he slowly climbed down the bed and took the tray with him. Masaki, where are you going? You still need to rest. I followed him from behind. He went out of the bedroom and walked to the kitchen. He put the tray on the table, took a mug and poured coffee in it. I stood beside him and looked at him with sad eyes. Masaki, you can’t drink the coffee or else you can’t sleep later.Haven’t you promised to Jun that you would sleep properly after ate your porridge? Masaki drank the coffee quickly at once and poured another one and drank it until the mug is empty. I widened my eyes when I saw he’s going to pour the third coffee. Masaki! Stop it! I ‘grabbed’ his arm but useless. It was like grabbing an air. Damn it!! Masaki, baby! Why are you acting like this? Please stop or you...
“I can’t fall asleep... I don’t want to fall asleep... I have to stay awake or else I will have that nightmare again... You have to stay awake, Masaki...”
I heard he mumbled and his body trembled. He walked to the living room then sat on a sofa. He looked to the front blankly. That nightmare? Then suddenly I remembered earlier when Masaki cried so hard and called my name desperately in his sleep. A tear dropped on my cheek. I kneeled in front of him.
Masaki, please... You’re not going to have that nightmare. I’m here with you. I can’t stand to see you like this, baby. What should I do to make you see me?
A tear dropped on his cheek and slowly he started crying again.
“Sho-chan, I’m sorry if I can’t be strong for you. I can’t stop those images of you leaving me alone. I’m afraid, Sho-chan...”
I ‘cupped’ his face with both of my hands and ‘caressed’ his wet cheeks with my thumbs.
Calm down, Masaki. I’m not going anywhere. God, please... Eventhough he can’t see me directly, at least please let our eyes ‘meet’ for a moment. I have to calm him down. I can’t stand to see his condition even worse than this.
Suddenly I saw his eyes that brimmed with tears moved slowly and ‘looking’ into my eyes. I used that chance to slowly leaned in and ‘put’ my lips on his. Eventhough it’s just for a second, but miraculously my ‘kiss’ could calm him a bit. His crying turned into sobbed. I sighed in relieve and ‘put’ my forehead on his.
I’m here with you, Masaki. I believe you can go through all of this. Everything will be okay.
Or so I thought.
***
It was almost two weeks since my body was in comatose and this ‘spirit’ of mine stayed close to Masaki. Everyday I followed him to go to the hospital with Jun and Satoshi. Both of them picked up Masaki every morning to go to the hospital and they would take him home at night. At the hospital, Masaki would help my mother to take care of me. Everyday he would help the nurse to wipe my body or sometimes he would tell ‘me’ some stories. Everyone believed that Masaki had overcome his sadness, looking from his cheerful smile everyday he came to the hospital. But no one could guess what exactly he felt behind that fake smile, except me.
“Masaki, we’re sorry we still can’t accompany you in your apartment. Satoshi are busy with his next painting and I have to finish my new novel. We’re promise we’ll come by to your apartment once we finished them.” Jun sighed. He was inside his car with Satoshi beside him. Masaki smiled and shook his head.
“It’s okay, Jun. I’m not a baby, you know. Good luck for both of you and be careful on your way back home. Good night.” He waved his hand while Jun driving his car and Masaki stood there until Jun’s car disappeared from his sight. His smile slowly faded from his face and he entered the apartment with no expression. I followed him from behind with sad eyes.
Masaki, please... You need them... You can’t be alone like this...
Once inside our apartment, he walked to our bedroom and without took off his clothes he went to shower and let himself sprayed by cold water. His body was trembling below the cold water but he didn’t care about it. He mumbled with blank expression.
“I have to stay awake.... I don’t want to see that nightmare... I have to cope with all of this alone... Jun and Satoshi have their own life... I don’t want to be burden for anyone...”
I bit my lips and clenched my fist. A tear dropped on my cheek.
Masaki... I beg you... Please don’t torture yourself more than this... You have suffered enough... I can’t forgive myself to see you like this... Please...
Once his body wet with cold water from head to toe, he turned off the shower and walked to the kitchen. He took a mug from inside the cupboard and poured coffee in his mug fully. He drank it at once and repeated it for five times more. He did this every night to keep him awake, eventhough he still fell asleep for some minutes and later woke up with trembling body and cold sweat, he always tried hard for not fell asleep even for some seconds. I felt useless all the time. I couldn’t touch him and talk to him. It was all my fault he became like this.
Masaki... You have to stop... I hate myself to make you like this... I miss your cheerful expression, dear...
Suddenly I heard doorbell rang then someone knocked on the door. Not long after that, a woman’s voice was heard from outside.
“Aiba-san, are you home? It’s me Eikura. Ano... I just come back from my hometown and I bring you some gifts. I heard from Shimura-san that you were absent for almost two week. That’s why I decide to visit you.”
Nana-chan!!!
I ran from the kitchen and passed through the front door. Outside our apartment, there was Eikura Nana, Masaki’s friend from zoo. I had met her for some times in the past so I could recognize her voice immediately.
Nana-chan!! Please go inside the apartment and help Masaki!! You are the only one who can help me!!
She knocked the door again.
“Aiba-san, are you home?”
Please, Nana-chan! Masaki forget to lock the door so you can go inside! He needs help right now! I beg you...
She sighed and turned around, “Maybe he is not at home right now.”
No..!! He’s inside there, Nana-chan!! Please don’t go!! You’re the only hope I have!!
I ‘blocked’ her way, but she easily passed through me. When she walked just some steps for my door I suddenly heard something broken from inside my apartment.
Oh my God!!! Masaki!!!
I ran inside passing through the door and before I went in, I saw Nana-chan turned back to my apartment and held the doorknob to open it.
“Aiba-san, excuse m- AIBA-SAN!!!”
Masaki was laying on the floor with closed eyes and held his stomach in pain. The mug he used for the coffee was broken into pieces beside him.
“AIBA-SAN!!”
Masaki!!!
Nana-chan and I ran quickly to the kitchen. Nana-chan kneeled down beside Masaki and shook his shoulder slightly.
“Aiba-san!! Are you okay?? Please bear for a moment!! I will call ambulance!!”
She took out her phone from her bag and immediately called ambulance with trembling voice. After she hang up the phone, she put her hand on Masaki’s forehead.
“Oh my God!! Aiba-san!! You have a high fever!!”
Masaki mumbled something before he became unconcious.
MASAKIIIII!!!
***
The ambulance came not long after and Masaki was brought to the same hospital where my body was there. On the way to the hospital, Nana-chan immediately called Jun to tell him that Masaki was brought to the hospital. Jun said that he would wait them there. Inside the ambulance, Nana-chan kept holding Masaki’s hand while holding her tears to come out.
“Aiba-san, hang in there for a moment please...”
When the ambulance arrived at the hospital, Jun and Satoshi had already waited in front of the main door. Masaki was brought to the VIP class room in the hospital and he immediately examined by a doctor. Outside the room, Jun and Satoshi thanked Nana-chan because if Nana-chan were not there at the moment, no one couldn’t imagine what would happened to Masaki. The doctor came to us after he examined Masaki and explained what happened to Masaki.
“I could pressume that Aiba-san lately has drunk too much coffee and it causes gastritis. And about his high fever, I will ask a nurse to keep an eye out for his temperature every one hour. For now, please let him rest. He needs it the most.”
I couldn’t take this anymore. I clenched my fist and ran to ICU which is one floor above of Masaki’s room. I walked pass through the door and stood in front of the bed.
YOU!!! HOW LONG YOU WILL SLEEP LIKE THAT, HUH?!!! DON’T YOU KNOW SOMEONE IS SUFFERING BECAUSE OF YOU!!! IF YOU STILL HAVE A HEART, WAKE UP!!!! OPEN YOUR EYES, SAKURAI SHO!!!!!
A tear dropped on my cheek. My body was trembling very hard.
WAKE UP, SHOOOO!!!!
After I screamed the last word, suddenly my head felt dizzy and I couldn’t breath properly. I fell down on the floor and before I closed my eyes I heard machines beside me beeping so fast for many times.
God, is this the end of me?
-tbc-
Hello party people~~!!! We're back with chapter 4!! Sorry it took longer time to post this.. RL didn't give me time to think about our Sakuraiba.. xP #kicked
anyway,,the other reason why we post it today is because it's Sho-chan's birthday!! yeaaaaayyy~!!! \(^o^)/
Happy birthday my cute chipmunk~ <33333
okay back to the story.. it's just my suggestion but please prepare tissues next to you. I told you before that it will be more angst started from the previous chapter, didn't I? well, that's how it will go in this chapter.. TT_TT
aaaand there'll be another pairings next chapter.. I bet you've already known it who and who.. #grins
Oh! You can read the previous chapters here :
Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3
See you on the next chapter!!
Comments are really appreciated~ <333
Author : icha_kazeinda and my beloved sister aka_caster
Pairing : Sakuraiba, Juntoshi (side)
Rating : PG-13
Genre : Romance, Drama, Angst
Disclaimer : It's just our imagination
Summary : How I wish to hold him. Kissing his red lips. Seeing him laugh. Hearing his cheerful voice. Want to make love to him. But I couldn't. I can't. Because I'm away. Far away...
A/N : - Beta-ed by our best friend. Thanks for your helping, dear. *big hugs*
- Our native language is not English so we're sorry for bad grammars and any mistakes or typos here and there m(_ _)m
[DON'T YOU KNOW SOMEONE IS SUFFERING BECAUSE OF YOU!!!]
*Sho's POV*
Sho-chan...
“Masaki...” I mumbled and slowly opened my eyes. I frowned when I realized that I was lying on at a strange room.
“Where am I?” I thought and tried to stand up on my feet. I scanned the room I was lying on. Everything was in white. The floor, the roof and the wall. There’s even no door or window in the room.
“Why am I here? What happened to me?” I tried to remember the last thing before I closed my eyes and then it suddenly struck that I was in an alley and on my way back home. I widened my eyes when I remembered that drunk man who stabbed me and stole my bag. I touched my stomach but there’s no wound on it. At the moment I just realized that I was wearing a white shirt and white trousers. When had I changed my clothes? I thought. Suddenly I heard a voice. A beautiful voice that I yearn so much.
Sho-chan... Please don’t leave me alone...
“Masaki??” I turned my head to search the owner of the voice that I loved but I couldn’t find any other person inside that room. Then I heard his voice again. It sounded very desperate and sad.
Sho-chan... I can’t live without you... Please come back to me...
I clenched my fist and held back my tears to come out. His voice was really breaking my heart.
“Masaki!!” I shouted, “Masaki, where are you??!!”
His voice kept calling my name many times and it made my heart bursted with needs to see him more and more.
Please, God... I want to see him... I need to see him... I prayed silently on my mind and closed my eyes for a moment. When I opened my eyes, I was a bit startled and stepped back. I was not in that white room anymore. I looked carefully around me and realized that I was in a hospital lobby. Why a hospital? Don’t tell me I...
Suddenly I saw some familiar figures in front of me. I was facing their backs but I could already recognized one of them the moment I saw it. The back that I hugged everyday from behind when he made breakfast for me. Masaki...
I walked slowly to him. He was standing between Jun and Satoshi. In front of them were my mother and my father and a woman I didn’t really know. They were standing in front of a doctor and was talking about something serious. I could sense it from the doctor’s expression. I read what was written at the door behind them. ICU??
When I was standing some steps behind them, I heard Masaki asked the doctor, “Sensei, is there something happened?”
I was curious to hear what they were talking and decided to step closer to them. When I was finally stood behind them, I could hear clearly what the doctor said to my mother.
“Sakurai-san, I’m sorry but it seems that your son’s struggle has not ended yet. He’s in comatose and it can be for weeks, months or years. I will check his condition everyday. For now, we can only pray for the best for him.” I was too preoccupied with what the doctor saying when suddenly I heard Jun screamed.
“Masaki!!!!”
I startled and looked at Jun. He was now holding Masaki who was fainted in his arm. Masaki!!! I approached him and when I was going to hug him, I froze. I... I can’t touch him!! Why can’t I touch him?!!! I desperately tried to touch and hugged him but it was useless. My body went through his, like a shadow.
“Jun, just take care of Aiba-chan. He needs you most right now. Don’t worry, I will wait here with auntie and uncle. If there’s any progress about Sho, I will tell both of you immediately.” I heard Satoshi said beside Jun.
Satoshi, Jun!! I’m here!! I waved my hand in front of them but they still couldn’t see me. Why... why can’t you guys see me?? I’m here... I clenched my fist and a tear dropped from my eyes.
Jun, as if he ignored me, carried Masaki in his arm and ready to take him home. He apologized to everyone in the room for leaving first. A tear dropped from my mother’s eyes while looking at Masaki.
“It’s okay, Jun-kun. Please take care of Masaki,ne. I know it must be hard for him.” My mother caressed Masaki’s head and held back her tears to come more.
Jun bowed slightly and quickly took Masaki to his car. I stood at my place, frustated because I couldn’t do anything. I was very confused. I wanted to be with Masaki because I couldn’t just stand here seeing Masaki at such condition, but at the same time I was really curious about what happened to me. Should I follow Masaki and Jun? Or should I get inside the ICU room?
After some moment thinking what I should do first, with a deep sigh I decided to get inside the ICU room and left my parents with the doctor outside. I was still a bit curious about the woman next to my mom but I decided to ignore her. Maybe she just someone my mom know., I thought while standing in front of the ICU door which was closed. If I can’t touch Masaki, it means I can’t touch this door either. Right?
I slowly extended my hand to touch the door, but as I expected I couldn’t touch it. Am I really become a ghost now? I sighed sadly while closing my eyes and step forward, passing through the door. Once I was inside the ICU room, I could hear beeping sound which seemed like a someone’s heartbeat. I opened my eyes slowly and realized that I was standing in a front of a bed with someone laid on it. I stepped closer to look closely at the person’s face. Eventhough I had already knew who was it even before I entered the room, I still couldn’t believe it.
Tears started to flow on my cheek. There was me, laying on the bed with tubes attached to my wirst and oxygen mask covered my nose. There were many tools beside my bed. My head was bandaged and my face was really pale, like a dead man.
I heard someone opened the door behind me and when I turned back I saw my mom. She trembled while slowly walking toward the bed. She couldn’t hold back her tears anymore and started crying while caressing my pale cheek.
“Sho my dear. Mom is here. Please wake up, son. It’s been a while since last time I saw you, since you’re busy with your work and your life with Masaki. When I finally can see you again, why it has to be such a condition like this?”
I miss you too, Mom. Very much. I ‘hugged’ my mom from behind, eventhough I knew I couldn’t touch her but I kept pretending to be able to hug her and cried there. After some moment, my mother started to speak again.
“You have to be strong, Sho. You have to fight back and come back to us. Mom needs you. Masaki too. He worry about you very much. Didn’t you tell me before that you wanted to see his cheerful smile and made him happy everyday? How can he smile brightly like before if the one he loved isn’t there with him? Please, son. Open your eyes... For me... For Masaki...”
At the mentioned of Masaki, I remembered that his condition wasn’t better either and it started to worry me. Can he lives normally without me? Who will take care of him when I’m unconscious here? I ‘kissed’ my mother’s cheek. See you, Mom, I whispered and went out of the ICU. I wanted to go back to my apartment to see Masaki, but how? I was kinda become a spirit, my body was here in the hospital and I couldn’t ask someone to get me to my apartment since nobody could see me.
Then I remember earlier when I was in the white room and in a blink of eye I suddenly moved to this hospital. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
Focus, Sho! You could do this earlier! There’s no way you can’t do this for the second time! Think about your apartment!
I slowly opened my eyes, and I did it. Now I was standing in the middle of my living room. Masaki, I’m home... I smiled weakly and turned around when I heard some rustles at the kitchen. Jun... He was cooking something. I took a peep behind him and I could see that he was cooking porridge. It must be for Masaki. Thank you so much Jun.
Then I remembered about the man I love very much. Where is he? Suddenly I heard sobs. It’s very weak, even Jun couldn’t hear it and kept concentrated on his cooking, but I could recognize it immediately.
Masaki!!
I quickly ran to bedroom and without thinking passed through my bedroom’s door. Inside there, I saw Masaki was sleeping in the middle of the bed with blanket covered his body. He was sobbing in his sleep and mumbled something.
“Sho-chan... please don’t leave me alone... I can’t live without you... take me with you... I want to be with you forever...”
I couldn’t hold my tears anymore and immediately climbed up to the bed. I ‘caressed’ his hair with my right hand and ‘wiped’ tears in his cheek with my other hand.
Sshh... Masaki... Calm down... I’m here, baby. I won’t and never leave you alone. I love you very much. I can’t live without you either, dear.
Masaki suddenly trembled and cried harder than before. I ‘hugged’ him very tight, eventhough I knew it’s so useless but I couldn’t stand to see Masaki like that.
“Sho-chan!!! Sho-chan, don’t leave me please!! SHO-CHAAAAANN!!!”
Masaki!! Please calm down!! I’m here!! Baby, please!!
I could hear someone opened the door with a loud bang. I sat up beside Masaki and turned my head. Jun was panicked and put the food tray on the table. He immediately ran toward Masaki and shook Masaki’s shoulder, trying to wake up Masaki.
“Masaki!! It’s just a dream!! Please wake up!! Masaki!!!”
Masaki slowly opened his eyes. He sweated a lot on his forehead. He choked a sob while looking at Jun.
“J-jun... Sho-chan... Is he going to leave me alone? I... I want to go with him, Jun. I c-can’t live without him, Jun. I... I...”
Jun hugged Masaki very tight while caressing his back. Masaki buried his face on Jun’s chest and cried uncontrollably there. Jun tried so hard to hold back his tears and said reassurance words to Masaki.
“Masaki, I believe Sho is now trying his best to fight back to come back to you, to us. So you have to do the same. You have to be strong, for Sho’s sake. He won’t leave you alone and I can assure that. Would you promise to me to be strong and keep patient to wait Sho come back to us?”
Masaki grabbed Jun’s shirt tighter and nodded slowly. I bit my lip and clenched my fist, frustated because I couldn’t do anything. For a moment they stayed like that. After Masaki calmed down a bit, Jun released him from his arm and looked at Masaki.
“Masaki, I make porridge for you. You haven’t eaten anything, have you?”
Masaki shook his head a little. Jun sighed and climbed down the bed to take the tray on the table. He sat at the edge of the bed and put the tray there. He looked at Masaki.
“Do you want me to feed you? Or...” suddenly Jun’s phone rang. He read the message on the phone and frowned. Masaki looked at Jun and couldn’t help to ask.
“What happened, Jun?”
Jun sighed while looking at the phone, “It’s my editor. He asks me to come to his place to talk about my new novel. Why it has to be at this hour? It’s 3.00 AM for God’s sake! Can he even think about my private time?” then he looked at Masaki.
“Masaki, I...”
“Go, Jun. I will be all right. I feel better now. If he wants you to come at this hour, it means something serious, right?” Masaki tried to smile weakly. Jun wanted to say something but was interrupted by Masaki.
“Don’t worry about me. I will eat the porridge and then go to sleep. Just finish your work, okay?”
Jun slowly nodded and headed to the bedroom’s door. I stood up and walked toward Jun.
No!!! Jun!! Please stay with Masaki a bit longer! Don’t leave him alone at this state! He needs you most for now! I beg you... Please... I can’t do anything if something happened with him... I desperately tried to stop Jun from leaving Masaki alone at the moment. He’s the only hope for me to take care of Masaki.
“Jun...”
Jun and I turned our head to see Masaki on the bed. He was hesistated to say something but after a moment he spoke softly to Jun.
“C-can you pick me up tomorrow morning? I want to go back to the hospital.”
Jun frowned at Masaki’s words, “But, Masaki... Your condition is...”
“Please, Jun... I need to see him. I can’t stay here and do nothing. It kills me slowly. Please...” Masaki looked at Jun on his eyes while begging. Jun sighed and nodded. Masaki smiled at him and thanked him when he closed the door. I heard Jun’s step slowly dissapeared and there’s a sound of door closing from outside the bedroom. I looked at Masaki who’s slowly ate the porridge Jun made earlier. There’s no expression on his face. I started to worry about him. I decided to sat on the edge of the bed and ‘caressed’ his cheek slowly. Masaki...
After he finished his food, he slowly climbed down the bed and took the tray with him. Masaki, where are you going? You still need to rest. I followed him from behind. He went out of the bedroom and walked to the kitchen. He put the tray on the table, took a mug and poured coffee in it. I stood beside him and looked at him with sad eyes. Masaki, you can’t drink the coffee or else you can’t sleep later.Haven’t you promised to Jun that you would sleep properly after ate your porridge? Masaki drank the coffee quickly at once and poured another one and drank it until the mug is empty. I widened my eyes when I saw he’s going to pour the third coffee. Masaki! Stop it! I ‘grabbed’ his arm but useless. It was like grabbing an air. Damn it!! Masaki, baby! Why are you acting like this? Please stop or you...
“I can’t fall asleep... I don’t want to fall asleep... I have to stay awake or else I will have that nightmare again... You have to stay awake, Masaki...”
I heard he mumbled and his body trembled. He walked to the living room then sat on a sofa. He looked to the front blankly. That nightmare? Then suddenly I remembered earlier when Masaki cried so hard and called my name desperately in his sleep. A tear dropped on my cheek. I kneeled in front of him.
Masaki, please... You’re not going to have that nightmare. I’m here with you. I can’t stand to see you like this, baby. What should I do to make you see me?
A tear dropped on his cheek and slowly he started crying again.
“Sho-chan, I’m sorry if I can’t be strong for you. I can’t stop those images of you leaving me alone. I’m afraid, Sho-chan...”
I ‘cupped’ his face with both of my hands and ‘caressed’ his wet cheeks with my thumbs.
Calm down, Masaki. I’m not going anywhere. God, please... Eventhough he can’t see me directly, at least please let our eyes ‘meet’ for a moment. I have to calm him down. I can’t stand to see his condition even worse than this.
Suddenly I saw his eyes that brimmed with tears moved slowly and ‘looking’ into my eyes. I used that chance to slowly leaned in and ‘put’ my lips on his. Eventhough it’s just for a second, but miraculously my ‘kiss’ could calm him a bit. His crying turned into sobbed. I sighed in relieve and ‘put’ my forehead on his.
I’m here with you, Masaki. I believe you can go through all of this. Everything will be okay.
Or so I thought.
***
It was almost two weeks since my body was in comatose and this ‘spirit’ of mine stayed close to Masaki. Everyday I followed him to go to the hospital with Jun and Satoshi. Both of them picked up Masaki every morning to go to the hospital and they would take him home at night. At the hospital, Masaki would help my mother to take care of me. Everyday he would help the nurse to wipe my body or sometimes he would tell ‘me’ some stories. Everyone believed that Masaki had overcome his sadness, looking from his cheerful smile everyday he came to the hospital. But no one could guess what exactly he felt behind that fake smile, except me.
“Masaki, we’re sorry we still can’t accompany you in your apartment. Satoshi are busy with his next painting and I have to finish my new novel. We’re promise we’ll come by to your apartment once we finished them.” Jun sighed. He was inside his car with Satoshi beside him. Masaki smiled and shook his head.
“It’s okay, Jun. I’m not a baby, you know. Good luck for both of you and be careful on your way back home. Good night.” He waved his hand while Jun driving his car and Masaki stood there until Jun’s car disappeared from his sight. His smile slowly faded from his face and he entered the apartment with no expression. I followed him from behind with sad eyes.
Masaki, please... You need them... You can’t be alone like this...
Once inside our apartment, he walked to our bedroom and without took off his clothes he went to shower and let himself sprayed by cold water. His body was trembling below the cold water but he didn’t care about it. He mumbled with blank expression.
“I have to stay awake.... I don’t want to see that nightmare... I have to cope with all of this alone... Jun and Satoshi have their own life... I don’t want to be burden for anyone...”
I bit my lips and clenched my fist. A tear dropped on my cheek.
Masaki... I beg you... Please don’t torture yourself more than this... You have suffered enough... I can’t forgive myself to see you like this... Please...
Once his body wet with cold water from head to toe, he turned off the shower and walked to the kitchen. He took a mug from inside the cupboard and poured coffee in his mug fully. He drank it at once and repeated it for five times more. He did this every night to keep him awake, eventhough he still fell asleep for some minutes and later woke up with trembling body and cold sweat, he always tried hard for not fell asleep even for some seconds. I felt useless all the time. I couldn’t touch him and talk to him. It was all my fault he became like this.
Masaki... You have to stop... I hate myself to make you like this... I miss your cheerful expression, dear...
Suddenly I heard doorbell rang then someone knocked on the door. Not long after that, a woman’s voice was heard from outside.
“Aiba-san, are you home? It’s me Eikura. Ano... I just come back from my hometown and I bring you some gifts. I heard from Shimura-san that you were absent for almost two week. That’s why I decide to visit you.”
Nana-chan!!!
I ran from the kitchen and passed through the front door. Outside our apartment, there was Eikura Nana, Masaki’s friend from zoo. I had met her for some times in the past so I could recognize her voice immediately.
Nana-chan!! Please go inside the apartment and help Masaki!! You are the only one who can help me!!
She knocked the door again.
“Aiba-san, are you home?”
Please, Nana-chan! Masaki forget to lock the door so you can go inside! He needs help right now! I beg you...
She sighed and turned around, “Maybe he is not at home right now.”
No..!! He’s inside there, Nana-chan!! Please don’t go!! You’re the only hope I have!!
I ‘blocked’ her way, but she easily passed through me. When she walked just some steps for my door I suddenly heard something broken from inside my apartment.
Oh my God!!! Masaki!!!
I ran inside passing through the door and before I went in, I saw Nana-chan turned back to my apartment and held the doorknob to open it.
“Aiba-san, excuse m- AIBA-SAN!!!”
Masaki was laying on the floor with closed eyes and held his stomach in pain. The mug he used for the coffee was broken into pieces beside him.
“AIBA-SAN!!”
Masaki!!!
Nana-chan and I ran quickly to the kitchen. Nana-chan kneeled down beside Masaki and shook his shoulder slightly.
“Aiba-san!! Are you okay?? Please bear for a moment!! I will call ambulance!!”
She took out her phone from her bag and immediately called ambulance with trembling voice. After she hang up the phone, she put her hand on Masaki’s forehead.
“Oh my God!! Aiba-san!! You have a high fever!!”
Masaki mumbled something before he became unconcious.
MASAKIIIII!!!
***
The ambulance came not long after and Masaki was brought to the same hospital where my body was there. On the way to the hospital, Nana-chan immediately called Jun to tell him that Masaki was brought to the hospital. Jun said that he would wait them there. Inside the ambulance, Nana-chan kept holding Masaki’s hand while holding her tears to come out.
“Aiba-san, hang in there for a moment please...”
When the ambulance arrived at the hospital, Jun and Satoshi had already waited in front of the main door. Masaki was brought to the VIP class room in the hospital and he immediately examined by a doctor. Outside the room, Jun and Satoshi thanked Nana-chan because if Nana-chan were not there at the moment, no one couldn’t imagine what would happened to Masaki. The doctor came to us after he examined Masaki and explained what happened to Masaki.
“I could pressume that Aiba-san lately has drunk too much coffee and it causes gastritis. And about his high fever, I will ask a nurse to keep an eye out for his temperature every one hour. For now, please let him rest. He needs it the most.”
I couldn’t take this anymore. I clenched my fist and ran to ICU which is one floor above of Masaki’s room. I walked pass through the door and stood in front of the bed.
YOU!!! HOW LONG YOU WILL SLEEP LIKE THAT, HUH?!!! DON’T YOU KNOW SOMEONE IS SUFFERING BECAUSE OF YOU!!! IF YOU STILL HAVE A HEART, WAKE UP!!!! OPEN YOUR EYES, SAKURAI SHO!!!!!
A tear dropped on my cheek. My body was trembling very hard.
WAKE UP, SHOOOO!!!!
After I screamed the last word, suddenly my head felt dizzy and I couldn’t breath properly. I fell down on the floor and before I closed my eyes I heard machines beside me beeping so fast for many times.
God, is this the end of me?
-tbc-
Hello party people~~!!! We're back with chapter 4!! Sorry it took longer time to post this.. RL didn't give me time to think about our Sakuraiba.. xP #kicked
anyway,,the other reason why we post it today is because it's Sho-chan's birthday!! yeaaaaayyy~!!! \(^o^)/
Happy birthday my cute chipmunk~ <33333
okay back to the story.. it's just my suggestion but please prepare tissues next to you. I told you before that it will be more angst started from the previous chapter, didn't I? well, that's how it will go in this chapter.. TT_TT
aaaand there'll be another pairings next chapter.. I bet you've already known it who and who.. #grins
Oh! You can read the previous chapters here :
Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3
See you on the next chapter!!
Comments are really appreciated~ <333