Contemplation of the last year and such...
Finally I get around the grand daddy of annoying entries I've to make and post.
So yeah. This last year (since New Year's has passed and my birthday is a lot closer...) has been...interesting.
A lot has changed.
I guess I've changed. I don't know. I know things aren't coming as easy as they used to. I just can't bring myself to draw as much; things get hard to write and I'm more emotional and prone to making an ass out of myself (though I suspect I was always inclined to that sort of behavior).
This last year as been hell because a "friend" took advantage of my dad's unknowningness, honesty and generosity (as my dad has been amazing this past year...just wow. A real big shout out to him, for it was his birthday not two days ago) and everything else, and now he's got nothing. No retirement, no money. Barely hanging on and somehow he still manages to have more good days out of bad ones.
My mum is nicer too though the paranoid parent and chronic punishing me thing seems to have gotten worse at times. *sigh* Still love ya mom, just wish....things were a little different sometimes.
My friend got divorced and is managing alright on her own, thankfully, though brain wise our Residential crazies have...been anything but....
I've been lonlier lately. Feeling a bit more seperate from those I used to talk to a lot. I guess it doesn't help when I'm here and they're that ways far away and have homework and more important things to do than humor me...
But I got a job and have been hit on (by someone I really don't want to, believe me. Knew him in school. And the guy is a bit of a weirdo. 9_9;; oy), actually went to a dance where I didn't hyperventilate when there were ones before where I HAVE.
Got a computer for Christmas (it's the one I've always been using so, I didn't celebrate too much, but I am glad I have it. I'll need my precious...), rediscovered the fact that I still really have no interest in porn...yeah.
There are lots of things.
And maybe....despite how much some of them have sucked (I think there have been more "SUCK" situations than "WIN" ones), I guess...I kinda look forward to this year, scared out of my wits as I may be.
I still want to get back into college but really haven't been pushing for it much...though my excuse is I feel less than qualified to even try.
I don't know...this year has been good it's just...there's a lot I wish I could change and be different about and...I'm not.
I wish I wasn't the lonely moron sitting around and just going to a job at a fast food place...I wish I could somehow prove to myself I was better than that and that maybe I was worth some of the attention I get from people and such...
I just want to be able to do things.
I'm not really sad right now, just...contemplative. About a lot of things at once.
I still feel like...now...that maybe I'm further away from my "friends" than what I thought. I guess it's kinda scary, but...I haven't made any new ones at all, and I suppose they're all I have left to call up and go "GUESS WHAT!?" and hope they'll want to hear what I have to say.
I don't go to school, and even when I did (college) it wasn't very active either. I guess I just hid a lot...
*sigh* I do try to change and I know by this I probably sound like I only whine but...really. I try...and....it's just not good enough.
I dunno. I think my headache is making this sound worse than it is. *throbbing brains*
...guh.
The reason I have it is because I just watched the Endless Waltz and the first DVD and like....two episodes on the second of Gundam Wing with a bunch of newbs. I feel rather funny sharing things with non-animegoers, but there you have it. Fun thing is, they like it. And most of the ones who've seen it so far are guys. ;) Guess it's really not just for girls, eh peeps? *thinking of some of the guys who like to blow fits about it on the net - "Iz FAGWING" 9-9 oy*
...and I have really been staring a lot at the innuendo between Zechs and Noin, HOLY CRAP. I don't know if it's just the voices the actors would make whilst in their roles or whatever but OH. hOLY. CRAP. Honestly, I'm surprised that Zechs and Noin aren't like...MAKING OUT in the middle of the series after just watching the beginning episodes and the movie...*shake head* It's all spicy and grrrr. Hawt.
Anyways...I was going to blab more about the year past...but...eh...
A lot of what catches me for the moment is the fact I'm going to be 19. Still. Then 20.
I guess I should be really frightened. I mean, I am...and...it's another year that goes by and I feel lonlier than normal. Gah. I sound like such a whiner...! But I'm Noooottt! I just...
I have issues, alright...X(;; It's just not really working out in my grand scheme of things...
agh!brainspainses!
....okay, I hassa go to bed before my head explodes.
I stop this random things
So yeah. This last year (since New Year's has passed and my birthday is a lot closer...) has been...interesting.
A lot has changed.
I guess I've changed. I don't know. I know things aren't coming as easy as they used to. I just can't bring myself to draw as much; things get hard to write and I'm more emotional and prone to making an ass out of myself (though I suspect I was always inclined to that sort of behavior).
This last year as been hell because a "friend" took advantage of my dad's unknowningness, honesty and generosity (as my dad has been amazing this past year...just wow. A real big shout out to him, for it was his birthday not two days ago) and everything else, and now he's got nothing. No retirement, no money. Barely hanging on and somehow he still manages to have more good days out of bad ones.
My mum is nicer too though the paranoid parent and chronic punishing me thing seems to have gotten worse at times. *sigh* Still love ya mom, just wish....things were a little different sometimes.
My friend got divorced and is managing alright on her own, thankfully, though brain wise our Residential crazies have...been anything but....
I've been lonlier lately. Feeling a bit more seperate from those I used to talk to a lot. I guess it doesn't help when I'm here and they're that ways far away and have homework and more important things to do than humor me...
But I got a job and have been hit on (by someone I really don't want to, believe me. Knew him in school. And the guy is a bit of a weirdo. 9_9;; oy), actually went to a dance where I didn't hyperventilate when there were ones before where I HAVE.
Got a computer for Christmas (it's the one I've always been using so, I didn't celebrate too much, but I am glad I have it. I'll need my precious...), rediscovered the fact that I still really have no interest in porn...yeah.
There are lots of things.
And maybe....despite how much some of them have sucked (I think there have been more "SUCK" situations than "WIN" ones), I guess...I kinda look forward to this year, scared out of my wits as I may be.
I still want to get back into college but really haven't been pushing for it much...though my excuse is I feel less than qualified to even try.
I don't know...this year has been good it's just...there's a lot I wish I could change and be different about and...I'm not.
I wish I wasn't the lonely moron sitting around and just going to a job at a fast food place...I wish I could somehow prove to myself I was better than that and that maybe I was worth some of the attention I get from people and such...
I just want to be able to do things.
I'm not really sad right now, just...contemplative. About a lot of things at once.
I still feel like...now...that maybe I'm further away from my "friends" than what I thought. I guess it's kinda scary, but...I haven't made any new ones at all, and I suppose they're all I have left to call up and go "GUESS WHAT!?" and hope they'll want to hear what I have to say.
I don't go to school, and even when I did (college) it wasn't very active either. I guess I just hid a lot...
*sigh* I do try to change and I know by this I probably sound like I only whine but...really. I try...and....it's just not good enough.
I dunno. I think my headache is making this sound worse than it is. *throbbing brains*
...guh.
The reason I have it is because I just watched the Endless Waltz and the first DVD and like....two episodes on the second of Gundam Wing with a bunch of newbs. I feel rather funny sharing things with non-animegoers, but there you have it. Fun thing is, they like it. And most of the ones who've seen it so far are guys. ;) Guess it's really not just for girls, eh peeps? *thinking of some of the guys who like to blow fits about it on the net - "Iz FAGWING" 9-9 oy*
...and I have really been staring a lot at the innuendo between Zechs and Noin, HOLY CRAP. I don't know if it's just the voices the actors would make whilst in their roles or whatever but OH. hOLY. CRAP. Honestly, I'm surprised that Zechs and Noin aren't like...MAKING OUT in the middle of the series after just watching the beginning episodes and the movie...*shake head* It's all spicy and grrrr. Hawt.
Anyways...I was going to blab more about the year past...but...eh...
A lot of what catches me for the moment is the fact I'm going to be 19. Still. Then 20.
I guess I should be really frightened. I mean, I am...and...it's another year that goes by and I feel lonlier than normal. Gah. I sound like such a whiner...! But I'm Noooottt! I just...
I have issues, alright...X(;; It's just not really working out in my grand scheme of things...
agh!brainspainses!
....okay, I hassa go to bed before my head explodes.
I stop this random things