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So i figured i might as well explain my last entry. I was having a god-awful day, and if i wouldnt have had my period as an excuse for PMS, then wow. Thankfully, i do. Lol, But here's the truth: I'm finally admitting to you guys that i'm depressed. And i mean seriously long term hard-core depressed. I've been trying to deal with it a long time (my whole life basically) and i just realized that i couldn't handle it anymore. I finally told chris last week, and he took it to extremes, but it made me get help. He said he'd break up with me if i didn't get help because i can't love him if i cant love myself. I guess that's true, but i do love him, and it was hard to face the fact that i do need help. So yeah. The other day and yesterday was a horrible down turn in the rollercoaster. Aand then yesterday afternoon i got in an argument w/ chris and was debating if i should go to c a play at uwm with him. I decided to, it was kinda awkward at first, but it went ok. I drove him back to his car, and then we just sat in my car and talked straight for 3 hours. Ok... i won't lie, i cried for about 1/3-2/3 of the enitre time, but talked nevertheless. I just said a lot of stuff that had hurt in the past, especially pertaining to times when i needed him for support (such as my dad's funeral, my birthday, and new years), and he was just like "wow." Even though i had tried to explain the situations to him at the time they occured, he didn't realize just how much they hurt me. He felt awful, which wasn't what I wanted, but he finally understood what it meant to me. That was a huge step for the both of us. After, i just felt total relief, and the hugest weight was off my shoulders. I had waited almost 2 years to tell him some of that stuff, it was pretty buried. But now i feel like we kind of have a new start again. He felt as if i was keeping stuff from him, and in a way i guess it was that stuff, and now we can have a new beginning cuz we know how each other feels.
As for work, i wanna quit Office Max cuz my current manager is a bitch (and she has my last name, which i consider to be totally degrading, no relation). And she basically said that im a worthless employee and "it's no skin off my back if you're not working." What a fucking whore. Sorry... I think i deserve a little more respect than that. And i went and saw my old manager in west bend yesterday, and he had the hugest smile when he saw me. My god, what a difference. It felt so good to be wanted. He couldn't wait to have me back working again. I just loved it.
If you don't know yet, my mom and i got 2 kittens last week, the most adorable things ever! They're both boys, tan and white, one short haired (Parker) and the other long-haired (Lex). They're 8 weeks old and just completely the cutest things. Sigh. who doesnt love kittens?
I have a sister-in-law! The wedding was amazing. My brother's married! I still can't believe it! lol. I wonder if my family scared chris at all, cuz a lot of them kept mentioning to him, like wondering who's next. ha. and like no one said anything to me. oh well. We looked at rings for a little bit the other day at bayshore! And i actually liked the ring he picked! Lol. cuz i had a dream a few weeks ago that he bought me the ugliest, and i mean hideious rings. lol. He's got better taste than i thought!
As for work, i wanna quit Office Max cuz my current manager is a bitch (and she has my last name, which i consider to be totally degrading, no relation). And she basically said that im a worthless employee and "it's no skin off my back if you're not working." What a fucking whore. Sorry... I think i deserve a little more respect than that. And i went and saw my old manager in west bend yesterday, and he had the hugest smile when he saw me. My god, what a difference. It felt so good to be wanted. He couldn't wait to have me back working again. I just loved it.
If you don't know yet, my mom and i got 2 kittens last week, the most adorable things ever! They're both boys, tan and white, one short haired (Parker) and the other long-haired (Lex). They're 8 weeks old and just completely the cutest things. Sigh. who doesnt love kittens?
I have a sister-in-law! The wedding was amazing. My brother's married! I still can't believe it! lol. I wonder if my family scared chris at all, cuz a lot of them kept mentioning to him, like wondering who's next. ha. and like no one said anything to me. oh well. We looked at rings for a little bit the other day at bayshore! And i actually liked the ring he picked! Lol. cuz i had a dream a few weeks ago that he bought me the ugliest, and i mean hideious rings. lol. He's got better taste than i thought!