fic: the closest to heaven (12a/12)
Title The Closest to Heaven
Pairing Kurt/Blaine
Rating: (see warnings, also - sexual situations in this chapter)
Word Count 4,555 for this part; 46,685 overall
Warnings: haracter death, depression, self-harm, suicide attempts, psychiatric hospitalization, hospitalization for heart issues, bullying, gay-bashing, homophobia, talk of drug and alcohol abuse, talk of involvement with gangs, talk of o
Summary Confined to the walls of the UC Neuroscience Institute, Blaine Anderson has completely given up on life. But when he meets Kurt Hummel - a boy who’s remaining strong even though his own life is falling apart, Blaine begins to realize that maybe he doesn’t have to give up just yet. Maybe he’s strong enough to keep fighting.
A/N: Well, that's a wrap. Thank you so much to those who read, reviewed, and gave support to this story. I don't know if I'll be around much anymore, at least not in this fandom - so if you don't see anything more from this LiveJournal, goodbye. I'd like to think I had a great run - it certainly felt like it, and I have no one to thank but my readers, so thank you.
Adjusting back to normal life is strange, but Blaine starts slow.
The first few days, he lounges around, attempting to do some homework and maybe a few chores. His father stays home from work - which is odd considering he used to spend every waking moment there. His mother doesn’t have that luxury, but she’s always helpful when she’s not at work. Cooper doesn’t do anything different. He makes himself right at home, almost like he never left. He goes right back to eating all the food in the pantry and fighting over the remote with Blaine.
Blaine doesn’t go out much, and he’s been restricted from seeing Kurt - not because his parents aren’t supportive, but because they want to keep an eye on as well as spend time with him. Plus, he really does need to focus on the heavy pile of schoolwork. Hopefully, he’ll have everything finished by July and enjoy a two-month vacation before starting back up at Dalton in September.
It’s odd to have so much freedom, to not have a strict schedule and certain boundaries anymore, but it’s not bad. Blaine really enjoys being able to get out of the house and just walk around in the practically summer weather. He likes going out with Cooper to get something to eat or go shopping or do whatever. He just likes feeling almost normal again
Being tied up at home or to someone in his family has its drawbacks, however, and one of them is the fact that Blaine doesn’t see his friends until the last day of school. With Cooper in the passenger seat, he drags himself all the way to Dalton by lunch time. He gets a visitor’s pass in the front office, where the receptionist gives him a warm welcome, and he and Cooper head to the cafeteria.
Dressed not in his uniform, but a pair of tan shorts and red polo, he stands out. Heads turn as he walks through the tables. Whispers follow him as he goes, but he ignores them, focusing on his friends, urging them to be the ones to look next. At last, they follow suit with everyone and turn towards Blaine, mouths falling open and eyes going wide. Blaine smiles without even noticing and picks up the pace to reach them.
Suddenly, Blaine becomes the center of a huge group hug, everyone talking to him at once. His smile is practically splitting his face, his heart ready to explode out of his chest. It takes minutes before Blaine is standing by himself again, no one hugging him or clapping him on the back or slapping his upper am. He’s finally left standing and staring at his friends, wrapping his hands together and grinning wide.
“So,” he says. “How have you guys been?”
“Us?” David asks incredibly. “Blaine, what about you - we haven’t seen in you in what - three months?”
Blaine shrugs. “I’m good. Really good, actually.”
“So it worked this time?” Nick asks hesitantly. “I don’t have to walk in on any more scares?”
Blaine feels a rush of guilt, but he shakes it off. “No more scares, I promise. I’m - I’m sorry about that, Nick.”
Nick holds up a hand, shaking his head. “Just as long as you’re better now.”
“Well, I am,” Blaine says, nodding. “I’m a lot better now.&rdquo
He looks around, watching as his friends slowly grin, feeling a warmth grow in his chest as a mix of emotions overcome them - relief, happiness, pride. It only intensifies the satisfaction he’s felt since coming home.
“So, are you - what are you doing about school?” Wes asks, breaking the silence.
“Homeschooling,” Blaine replies. “I’m finishing up the year at my own pace, but I’ll be back in the dorms next year.”
“Well, that’s - that’s great,” Wes says, smiling. “We’ve missed you, Blaine. We’ve missed you a lot.”
“I’ve missed you guys too,” Blaine says, almost laughing.
“You’ll be back in the Warblers, right?” Trent asks, looking thoroughly anxious about it, and Blaine laughs.
“Of course,” Blaine says. “I wouldn’t dream of quitting now.”
Trent looks relieved, and Blaine continues to smile as he looks around the room.
“Well,” Jeff says. “We’ve still got a half hour for lunch. Care to join us?”
Blaine nods. “I’d love to.&rdquo
They all sit down, and Blaine calls Cooper over to join them.
As his friends eat, Blaine is bombarded with questions. Everyone’s careful not to pry and not to say the wrong thing, but Blaine doesn’t mind. Talking about things is easier now that Blaine has stability in a bottle. Most of the things Blaine answers anyway are about how he’s doing now: how are the anti-depressants? How’s he doing with homeschooling? How often does he have to go back to the hospital?
Soon enough, the tables turn, and Blaine’s the one asking questions, and everyone fills him in on what’s been going on at Dalton. Apparently, the spring concert went spectacularly well. There was also a rumor flying around that their history teacher, Mr. Phillips was fooling around with the young, new librarian on campus - which was confirmed when Jeff found them in the janitor’s closet.
Sitting with his friends at the lunch table, telling stories and laughing at jokes - it only adds to the growing feeling that Blaine’s almost normal again. Yes, he has to take medication; yes, he has to see a therapist once every two weeks; yes, some days are really awful, but today feels great, and finally, Blaine feels like a regular teenager.
Eventually, however, the bell does have to ring, and while Blaine’s friends go off to finish their last two finals, he and Cooper go and get some real lunch and hang around downtown - only to come back later with Blaine’s friends
Dalton is in high summer spirits when Blaine and Cooper return. The guys shed their blazers and ties and pile into their cars, following after Blaine and Cooper. They walk downtown, discovering and looking through all the little shops they’ve never seen before. In one of the quirkier shops, Blaine finds a bowtie with a map pattern on it. Cooper buys it for him, along with a new pair of aviators.
At the end of the day, they wind up in an old ice cream parlor, sitting around on the barstools and talking. There’s a dozen conversations going on at once, and during a moment that Blaine’s simply observing, Nick nudges him.
“Hey,” he says quietly. “I just - I wanted to ask - I mean - are you really okay?”
Blaine lets out a small laugh. He hangs his head, smiling.
“I’m serious,” Nick says defensively.
“No, no - I know you are,” Blaine says, looking back up at him. “It’s just - yeah. I am okay. Honestly, Nick. I’ve been doing really, really well, actually.”
Nick nods, not meeting his eyes. “I’m glad, Blaine. To - to be honest, I’ve been really worried about you. I know I’ve got Jeff, and I spend a lot more time with him, but you’re one of my best friends, Blaine, and I don’t think I’d ever get over it if you actually killed yourself.”
Blaine presses his lips together, swallowing hard. “Nick, I’m sorry,” he says.
“No, it - “ Nick starts, but Blaine cuts him off.
“You’ve probably had the most trouble dealing this,” Blaine continues. “I mean, hell - you found me lifeless twice.”
“Not completely,” Nick says, snorting humorlessly.
“Well, close enough,” Blaine says, “and I’m honestly really sorry about it. The more I think about, the more I realize how much I put you guys through - making you worry like that. It’s kind of selfish, really.”
“No, it’s not,” Nick argues. “You can’t control the fact that you felt that way, Blaine. Honestly, it’s not your fault. I know depression is a really difficult disease to deal with. My sister has it, you know. I mean - she never tried to commit suicide, but she cut herself, and we could all see how miserable she was. Looking back, we should have tried to help her a lot sooner; we could’ve saved her a few scars. But she got better, and I’m really glad you are, too, Blaine.”
Blaine smiles shyly. “I am, too. And though I’m sorry it happened in the first place, I’m glad you always got to me in time, Nick. Because now, I really don’t want to die. I want to get back into things. I just - now that I’ve been given my what - fourth chance? - I want to make the most of it.”
“It’s good to hear that,” Nick replies with a grin. “You know, I kind of want to keep you around, Blaine. You’re not half bad.”
Blaine laughs, digging back into his small cup of ice cream. Nick shakes his head, doing the same
All in all, it’s great to be back with his friends, and Blaine’s really grateful that they’ve been there for him. Even if they don’t understand exactly what he’s going through, they’re trying, and that’s what matters. Blaine wouldn’t be anywhere without them.
.
.
A little under three weeks after Blaine comes home, Kurt knocks on the Anderson’s door. Blaine’s in the kitchen working on schoolwork, and he cranes his head to look through the doorway, watching as Cooper answers the knock. Blaine recognizes his voice before he sees him, and he springs out of seat, hurrying to the front door. He crashes behind Cooper, a huge smile on his face.
“Geez, what the he - “
“Sorry,” Blaine says, a little breathless, turning to Kurt. “I’m just really happy to see you.”
Kurt laughs. “Well, it has been three weeks.”
“Yeah, sorry about my parents,” Blaine says sheepishly.
Kurt waves it off. “I completely understand. I’d want to keep an eye on you, too, but since I can’t . . . I’m glad they’re doing it for me.”
Cooper looks between them, then turns away. “I’ll leave you guys alone.”
Blaine watches Cooper leave, and then steps forward, wrapping his arms around Kurt’s waist, careful of the bag resting against Kurt’s thigh as he kisses him softly. When he tries to pull away, Kurt lingers for just a second longer, eyes closed and breath heavy.
“I really missed you,” he says, voice almost a whisper, and he straightens up, keeping his hands on Blaine’s shoulders. “I mean, I know we’ve been texting, and I know you’re taking your medication, but I can’t help but get nervous and worry and , Blaine, I just - “
“Kurt,” Blaine interrupts him. “I’m fine.”
Kurt visibly relaxes, smiling a little lopsidedly. “I know, but I - I worry.” He heaves a sigh. “Well, anyway, I was just wondering if you wanted to go with me somewhere. I’ve already talked to your parents, and they’re alright with it.”
“Yeah, sure, of course,” Blaine sighs. “Um - where?”
Kurt swallows hard, pressing his lips together. “My father’s grave.”
Blaine feels an odd rush of sadness, guilt, and dull eagerness. “Um - yeah,” he says. “I’d love to - well, I mean - “ He sighs.
“I know what you mean,” Kurt assures. “Are you ready now? Or do you need to - ?”
“No, no, I’m good. Let me just - “ He turns around and yells, “Cooper! I’m going out with Kurt!”
“Okay!” is the answer, and Blaine turns back around, grabbing Kurt’s hand and motioning for him to go ahead. They go out to Kurt’s car, and, as they head to the graveyard, they hold tightly to each other’s hands.
.
chapter 12b
Pairing Kurt/Blaine
Rating: (see warnings, also - sexual situations in this chapter)
Word Count 4,555 for this part; 46,685 overall
Warnings: haracter death, depression, self-harm, suicide attempts, psychiatric hospitalization, hospitalization for heart issues, bullying, gay-bashing, homophobia, talk of drug and alcohol abuse, talk of involvement with gangs, talk of o
Summary Confined to the walls of the UC Neuroscience Institute, Blaine Anderson has completely given up on life. But when he meets Kurt Hummel - a boy who’s remaining strong even though his own life is falling apart, Blaine begins to realize that maybe he doesn’t have to give up just yet. Maybe he’s strong enough to keep fighting.
A/N: Well, that's a wrap. Thank you so much to those who read, reviewed, and gave support to this story. I don't know if I'll be around much anymore, at least not in this fandom - so if you don't see anything more from this LiveJournal, goodbye. I'd like to think I had a great run - it certainly felt like it, and I have no one to thank but my readers, so thank you.
Adjusting back to normal life is strange, but Blaine starts slow.
The first few days, he lounges around, attempting to do some homework and maybe a few chores. His father stays home from work - which is odd considering he used to spend every waking moment there. His mother doesn’t have that luxury, but she’s always helpful when she’s not at work. Cooper doesn’t do anything different. He makes himself right at home, almost like he never left. He goes right back to eating all the food in the pantry and fighting over the remote with Blaine.
Blaine doesn’t go out much, and he’s been restricted from seeing Kurt - not because his parents aren’t supportive, but because they want to keep an eye on as well as spend time with him. Plus, he really does need to focus on the heavy pile of schoolwork. Hopefully, he’ll have everything finished by July and enjoy a two-month vacation before starting back up at Dalton in September.
It’s odd to have so much freedom, to not have a strict schedule and certain boundaries anymore, but it’s not bad. Blaine really enjoys being able to get out of the house and just walk around in the practically summer weather. He likes going out with Cooper to get something to eat or go shopping or do whatever. He just likes feeling almost normal again
Being tied up at home or to someone in his family has its drawbacks, however, and one of them is the fact that Blaine doesn’t see his friends until the last day of school. With Cooper in the passenger seat, he drags himself all the way to Dalton by lunch time. He gets a visitor’s pass in the front office, where the receptionist gives him a warm welcome, and he and Cooper head to the cafeteria.
Dressed not in his uniform, but a pair of tan shorts and red polo, he stands out. Heads turn as he walks through the tables. Whispers follow him as he goes, but he ignores them, focusing on his friends, urging them to be the ones to look next. At last, they follow suit with everyone and turn towards Blaine, mouths falling open and eyes going wide. Blaine smiles without even noticing and picks up the pace to reach them.
Suddenly, Blaine becomes the center of a huge group hug, everyone talking to him at once. His smile is practically splitting his face, his heart ready to explode out of his chest. It takes minutes before Blaine is standing by himself again, no one hugging him or clapping him on the back or slapping his upper am. He’s finally left standing and staring at his friends, wrapping his hands together and grinning wide.
“So,” he says. “How have you guys been?”
“Us?” David asks incredibly. “Blaine, what about you - we haven’t seen in you in what - three months?”
Blaine shrugs. “I’m good. Really good, actually.”
“So it worked this time?” Nick asks hesitantly. “I don’t have to walk in on any more scares?”
Blaine feels a rush of guilt, but he shakes it off. “No more scares, I promise. I’m - I’m sorry about that, Nick.”
Nick holds up a hand, shaking his head. “Just as long as you’re better now.”
“Well, I am,” Blaine says, nodding. “I’m a lot better now.&rdquo
He looks around, watching as his friends slowly grin, feeling a warmth grow in his chest as a mix of emotions overcome them - relief, happiness, pride. It only intensifies the satisfaction he’s felt since coming home.
“So, are you - what are you doing about school?” Wes asks, breaking the silence.
“Homeschooling,” Blaine replies. “I’m finishing up the year at my own pace, but I’ll be back in the dorms next year.”
“Well, that’s - that’s great,” Wes says, smiling. “We’ve missed you, Blaine. We’ve missed you a lot.”
“I’ve missed you guys too,” Blaine says, almost laughing.
“You’ll be back in the Warblers, right?” Trent asks, looking thoroughly anxious about it, and Blaine laughs.
“Of course,” Blaine says. “I wouldn’t dream of quitting now.”
Trent looks relieved, and Blaine continues to smile as he looks around the room.
“Well,” Jeff says. “We’ve still got a half hour for lunch. Care to join us?”
Blaine nods. “I’d love to.&rdquo
They all sit down, and Blaine calls Cooper over to join them.
As his friends eat, Blaine is bombarded with questions. Everyone’s careful not to pry and not to say the wrong thing, but Blaine doesn’t mind. Talking about things is easier now that Blaine has stability in a bottle. Most of the things Blaine answers anyway are about how he’s doing now: how are the anti-depressants? How’s he doing with homeschooling? How often does he have to go back to the hospital?
Soon enough, the tables turn, and Blaine’s the one asking questions, and everyone fills him in on what’s been going on at Dalton. Apparently, the spring concert went spectacularly well. There was also a rumor flying around that their history teacher, Mr. Phillips was fooling around with the young, new librarian on campus - which was confirmed when Jeff found them in the janitor’s closet.
Sitting with his friends at the lunch table, telling stories and laughing at jokes - it only adds to the growing feeling that Blaine’s almost normal again. Yes, he has to take medication; yes, he has to see a therapist once every two weeks; yes, some days are really awful, but today feels great, and finally, Blaine feels like a regular teenager.
Eventually, however, the bell does have to ring, and while Blaine’s friends go off to finish their last two finals, he and Cooper go and get some real lunch and hang around downtown - only to come back later with Blaine’s friends
Dalton is in high summer spirits when Blaine and Cooper return. The guys shed their blazers and ties and pile into their cars, following after Blaine and Cooper. They walk downtown, discovering and looking through all the little shops they’ve never seen before. In one of the quirkier shops, Blaine finds a bowtie with a map pattern on it. Cooper buys it for him, along with a new pair of aviators.
At the end of the day, they wind up in an old ice cream parlor, sitting around on the barstools and talking. There’s a dozen conversations going on at once, and during a moment that Blaine’s simply observing, Nick nudges him.
“Hey,” he says quietly. “I just - I wanted to ask - I mean - are you really okay?”
Blaine lets out a small laugh. He hangs his head, smiling.
“I’m serious,” Nick says defensively.
“No, no - I know you are,” Blaine says, looking back up at him. “It’s just - yeah. I am okay. Honestly, Nick. I’ve been doing really, really well, actually.”
Nick nods, not meeting his eyes. “I’m glad, Blaine. To - to be honest, I’ve been really worried about you. I know I’ve got Jeff, and I spend a lot more time with him, but you’re one of my best friends, Blaine, and I don’t think I’d ever get over it if you actually killed yourself.”
Blaine presses his lips together, swallowing hard. “Nick, I’m sorry,” he says.
“No, it - “ Nick starts, but Blaine cuts him off.
“You’ve probably had the most trouble dealing this,” Blaine continues. “I mean, hell - you found me lifeless twice.”
“Not completely,” Nick says, snorting humorlessly.
“Well, close enough,” Blaine says, “and I’m honestly really sorry about it. The more I think about, the more I realize how much I put you guys through - making you worry like that. It’s kind of selfish, really.”
“No, it’s not,” Nick argues. “You can’t control the fact that you felt that way, Blaine. Honestly, it’s not your fault. I know depression is a really difficult disease to deal with. My sister has it, you know. I mean - she never tried to commit suicide, but she cut herself, and we could all see how miserable she was. Looking back, we should have tried to help her a lot sooner; we could’ve saved her a few scars. But she got better, and I’m really glad you are, too, Blaine.”
Blaine smiles shyly. “I am, too. And though I’m sorry it happened in the first place, I’m glad you always got to me in time, Nick. Because now, I really don’t want to die. I want to get back into things. I just - now that I’ve been given my what - fourth chance? - I want to make the most of it.”
“It’s good to hear that,” Nick replies with a grin. “You know, I kind of want to keep you around, Blaine. You’re not half bad.”
Blaine laughs, digging back into his small cup of ice cream. Nick shakes his head, doing the same
All in all, it’s great to be back with his friends, and Blaine’s really grateful that they’ve been there for him. Even if they don’t understand exactly what he’s going through, they’re trying, and that’s what matters. Blaine wouldn’t be anywhere without them.
.
.
A little under three weeks after Blaine comes home, Kurt knocks on the Anderson’s door. Blaine’s in the kitchen working on schoolwork, and he cranes his head to look through the doorway, watching as Cooper answers the knock. Blaine recognizes his voice before he sees him, and he springs out of seat, hurrying to the front door. He crashes behind Cooper, a huge smile on his face.
“Geez, what the he - “
“Sorry,” Blaine says, a little breathless, turning to Kurt. “I’m just really happy to see you.”
Kurt laughs. “Well, it has been three weeks.”
“Yeah, sorry about my parents,” Blaine says sheepishly.
Kurt waves it off. “I completely understand. I’d want to keep an eye on you, too, but since I can’t . . . I’m glad they’re doing it for me.”
Cooper looks between them, then turns away. “I’ll leave you guys alone.”
Blaine watches Cooper leave, and then steps forward, wrapping his arms around Kurt’s waist, careful of the bag resting against Kurt’s thigh as he kisses him softly. When he tries to pull away, Kurt lingers for just a second longer, eyes closed and breath heavy.
“I really missed you,” he says, voice almost a whisper, and he straightens up, keeping his hands on Blaine’s shoulders. “I mean, I know we’ve been texting, and I know you’re taking your medication, but I can’t help but get nervous and worry and , Blaine, I just - “
“Kurt,” Blaine interrupts him. “I’m fine.”
Kurt visibly relaxes, smiling a little lopsidedly. “I know, but I - I worry.” He heaves a sigh. “Well, anyway, I was just wondering if you wanted to go with me somewhere. I’ve already talked to your parents, and they’re alright with it.”
“Yeah, sure, of course,” Blaine sighs. “Um - where?”
Kurt swallows hard, pressing his lips together. “My father’s grave.”
Blaine feels an odd rush of sadness, guilt, and dull eagerness. “Um - yeah,” he says. “I’d love to - well, I mean - “ He sighs.
“I know what you mean,” Kurt assures. “Are you ready now? Or do you need to - ?”
“No, no, I’m good. Let me just - “ He turns around and yells, “Cooper! I’m going out with Kurt!”
“Okay!” is the answer, and Blaine turns back around, grabbing Kurt’s hand and motioning for him to go ahead. They go out to Kurt’s car, and, as they head to the graveyard, they hold tightly to each other’s hands.
.
chapter 12b