'Everyone loves a fucking tragedy in epic proportions'
Wow. So much has happened since I last updated.
Zhimin's family are okay, thank god. So many people, and so many more yet. Jesus. It makes everything so very insignificant. It's too terrible for words. The economy over there is going to be fucked aswell, seeing as they rely on tourism. Oh fuck. People are dying as I sit here typing. Fuck. And although there's a lot of aid, it's not going to get to everyone is it?
This is fucking awful.
I don't know what to say.
I went to watch a rugby match today up in Newcastle. It was really good. And the Falcons won aswell, pretty much a last minute try right between the posts. Very sweet!
My dad's over with his girlfriend. She has more screwed up eating habits than me, and that's saying something. I have lost 2.1kg in 2 weeks. My bmi is underweight. Which is why it's illogical of me to still feel so fucking FAT. But then again, since when are emotions logical?
New Year was good. Went out in Settle, ended up pulling some skanky bastard in the pub, his hands all over my ass and breasts. Pervert. Then spent the rest of the night with Tim. I'm such a slut. Urgh. Not that it does anything for me. I'd make a fucking great prostitute. Complete emotional detachment comes very naturally.
I almost wish I had a reason to be this way. If I said, casually, that I'd been abused or raped or this or that or anything other than just fucking depression - suddenly people would listen. Maybe if I was so fucking skinny, maybe then people would care. Maybe if I slash and burn myself up.... Oh wait, shit. ALREADY FUCKING HAPPENED. So I guess I'm just an abused raped depressed skinny scarred up FUCK. Except I'm not skinny. And it wasn't rape, because he didn't rape me. And it's not abuse. And I'm not depressed you STUPID WOMAN, am I?
And I'm not near scarred up enough yet to matter.
I need to cry.
Whenever I start to write a reasonably happy post, I just depress myself. I'm so angry all the time; for once, an excess of emotion rather than a lack of. It's better than being so numb and empty and sad I suppose. At least I can get some fucking work done. First exam in...11 days.
Shit.
Zhimin's family are okay, thank god. So many people, and so many more yet. Jesus. It makes everything so very insignificant. It's too terrible for words. The economy over there is going to be fucked aswell, seeing as they rely on tourism. Oh fuck. People are dying as I sit here typing. Fuck. And although there's a lot of aid, it's not going to get to everyone is it?
This is fucking awful.
I don't know what to say.
I went to watch a rugby match today up in Newcastle. It was really good. And the Falcons won aswell, pretty much a last minute try right between the posts. Very sweet!
My dad's over with his girlfriend. She has more screwed up eating habits than me, and that's saying something. I have lost 2.1kg in 2 weeks. My bmi is underweight. Which is why it's illogical of me to still feel so fucking FAT. But then again, since when are emotions logical?
New Year was good. Went out in Settle, ended up pulling some skanky bastard in the pub, his hands all over my ass and breasts. Pervert. Then spent the rest of the night with Tim. I'm such a slut. Urgh. Not that it does anything for me. I'd make a fucking great prostitute. Complete emotional detachment comes very naturally.
I almost wish I had a reason to be this way. If I said, casually, that I'd been abused or raped or this or that or anything other than just fucking depression - suddenly people would listen. Maybe if I was so fucking skinny, maybe then people would care. Maybe if I slash and burn myself up.... Oh wait, shit. ALREADY FUCKING HAPPENED. So I guess I'm just an abused raped depressed skinny scarred up FUCK. Except I'm not skinny. And it wasn't rape, because he didn't rape me. And it's not abuse. And I'm not depressed you STUPID WOMAN, am I?
And I'm not near scarred up enough yet to matter.
I need to cry.
Whenever I start to write a reasonably happy post, I just depress myself. I'm so angry all the time; for once, an excess of emotion rather than a lack of. It's better than being so numb and empty and sad I suppose. At least I can get some fucking work done. First exam in...11 days.
Shit.