WTF Chicago?
So seriously? This part of the world does not understand the concept of spring. Last weekend? 80 degrees out. This weekend? BELOW 40. WHAT WHAT WHAT? What is this I don't even WHY. All I want to do is put away my winter clothes so that I can actually find things in my drawers, but noooo. Chicago is douchey like that.
Oh man, so I need to tell y'all something. I have a craaazy amount of guilt wrapped up in whenever I try to change food habits/exercise habits that barely makes any sense at all. Part of it is I want so bad to believe in HAES that the fact that I want to change my body makes me ashamed of myself. Especially because, at the heart of it, I /do/ want to change my body. I want my legs to stop rubbing together when I walk when I wear skirts. I don't want to feel quite so tired from going up two flights of stairs. I would like to one day be able to buy a pair of boots.(Well, ok, I might not have any chance here, to be honest. Between being a half size and needing wide shoes, I have a horrible time finding not ugly boots that fit my feet, let alone my damn calves.) So...that was amazingly whiny. Ew.
But on top of the "I wants" I feel this guilt, because this is probably not a terrible place for my body, and it seems to have been pretty settled at this 180 weight. And like, striving to be healthy to be healthy is the ultimately awesome thing, but striving to be healthy to feel pretty is a stupid sizeist reason. As if I believe I can't be pretty without being skinny, which I would never hold anyone else to because there are so many pretty body types(and I'm a fecking chubby chaser at heart). /fail
In unrelated news: two weeks until the end of the semester and we're hammering out another execution of user study super quick because our data was rubbish. This is not going to be pleasant, and it means my next two weeks suck balls because the other members of my group hardly have an independent thought between them at all.
Oh man, so I need to tell y'all something. I have a craaazy amount of guilt wrapped up in whenever I try to change food habits/exercise habits that barely makes any sense at all. Part of it is I want so bad to believe in HAES that the fact that I want to change my body makes me ashamed of myself. Especially because, at the heart of it, I /do/ want to change my body. I want my legs to stop rubbing together when I walk when I wear skirts. I don't want to feel quite so tired from going up two flights of stairs. I would like to one day be able to buy a pair of boots.(Well, ok, I might not have any chance here, to be honest. Between being a half size and needing wide shoes, I have a horrible time finding not ugly boots that fit my feet, let alone my damn calves.) So...that was amazingly whiny. Ew.
But on top of the "I wants" I feel this guilt, because this is probably not a terrible place for my body, and it seems to have been pretty settled at this 180 weight. And like, striving to be healthy to be healthy is the ultimately awesome thing, but striving to be healthy to feel pretty is a stupid sizeist reason. As if I believe I can't be pretty without being skinny, which I would never hold anyone else to because there are so many pretty body types(and I'm a fecking chubby chaser at heart). /fail
In unrelated news: two weeks until the end of the semester and we're hammering out another execution of user study super quick because our data was rubbish. This is not going to be pleasant, and it means my next two weeks suck balls because the other members of my group hardly have an independent thought between them at all.