(no subject)
So....another day i killed for every one. I still feel like shit having to make every one go home so early after being downtown for only 1 hour. Shit.....I just wish i had a mother that was more chill about things. 7 almost 8 years i have lived in this house, taking all this shit from elizabeth. I don't know if i can take any more. I really want to get out get away as fucking far away as i can. I don't know how i am going to do it but if it will stop all this fucking stress and then having it affect what i want to do, as in like hanging out with people. It is just to much.
The truth is....i am scared. I am fucking scared out of my mind. I never know what she is going to do next. People keep telling me to stand up to her to yell back, or to kill her with kindness. Trust me I have tried. Nothing works on her anything that i do try just keeps getting me deeper and deeper into trouble. If i was to find someplace to go....other then here i believe that to be the best thing for me at this time.
No person should be this scared to set foot in there own house, to walk around to ask to do anything, anything. I have lived with this feeling of fear ever since i met this woman. some times i can brush it off yet still knowing that it is there. That one thing i do or say can set her off. it is a unhealthy thing for any person to go through. I have tried not to show this side of my feelings to others...mostly b/c when someone anyone is in a mood like this who the fuck wants to be around them. Who wants the one person that will bring every one around them down?
Just the look on every ones face when i asked if we could leave early was one of the hardest things to see b/c i knew what they where thinking. So again i am so sorry for that i will make it up to you. I don't know how at this very moment but i will.
...I am trying to think of something more to add but at this time nothing is coming to me. I just keep thinking that I will no long have a phone witch basically has my fucking life attached to it. as well as not being able to go out ever again.....
I wish i was working tomorrow.............
EDIT~delete
The truth is....i am scared. I am fucking scared out of my mind. I never know what she is going to do next. People keep telling me to stand up to her to yell back, or to kill her with kindness. Trust me I have tried. Nothing works on her anything that i do try just keeps getting me deeper and deeper into trouble. If i was to find someplace to go....other then here i believe that to be the best thing for me at this time.
No person should be this scared to set foot in there own house, to walk around to ask to do anything, anything. I have lived with this feeling of fear ever since i met this woman. some times i can brush it off yet still knowing that it is there. That one thing i do or say can set her off. it is a unhealthy thing for any person to go through. I have tried not to show this side of my feelings to others...mostly b/c when someone anyone is in a mood like this who the fuck wants to be around them. Who wants the one person that will bring every one around them down?
Just the look on every ones face when i asked if we could leave early was one of the hardest things to see b/c i knew what they where thinking. So again i am so sorry for that i will make it up to you. I don't know how at this very moment but i will.
...I am trying to think of something more to add but at this time nothing is coming to me. I just keep thinking that I will no long have a phone witch basically has my fucking life attached to it. as well as not being able to go out ever again.....
I wish i was working tomorrow.............
EDIT~delete