`no certain night or morning'
I must confess that the journeys to Darkshore are becoming less few and far-between. I hide my face in shame as it drains me of sleep at this ungodly hour, yet the lateness is nothing I haven't grown used to over the last few years. I might even say that I enjoy the late night solitude. Either way there's only a handful of days remaining until it all comes to an abrupt halt.
And as the anxiety dreams have started again I find myself somewhere I haven't been for years. Wandering halls aimlessly, drowning in pressure and the distinct smell of imminent failure on the breath of the beast. The eternal pessimist rears his ugly head, however when it comes to school and learning I never really press myself. In September I was ready to jump headfirst into the fire. My distaste with the office environment played a large role in that, but as always things have calmed down and don't feel so bad anymore. Not....that my plan has changed. Far from it....if anything I want to try harder than I have before to prove to myself I can accomplish this task. The delicate balancing act of my financial support structure and the educational goal is what leaves me doubting my success, nothing else. Perhaps the wrong attitude to begin with....but waiting around has given me too much time to over think things. My half-assed attempts at pre-studying over the last four months failed, more so due to a lack of structure than a desire to try. Time to start using my whole ass.
Things will work out. Head-first into the fire. Head-first....
And as the anxiety dreams have started again I find myself somewhere I haven't been for years. Wandering halls aimlessly, drowning in pressure and the distinct smell of imminent failure on the breath of the beast. The eternal pessimist rears his ugly head, however when it comes to school and learning I never really press myself. In September I was ready to jump headfirst into the fire. My distaste with the office environment played a large role in that, but as always things have calmed down and don't feel so bad anymore. Not....that my plan has changed. Far from it....if anything I want to try harder than I have before to prove to myself I can accomplish this task. The delicate balancing act of my financial support structure and the educational goal is what leaves me doubting my success, nothing else. Perhaps the wrong attitude to begin with....but waiting around has given me too much time to over think things. My half-assed attempts at pre-studying over the last four months failed, more so due to a lack of structure than a desire to try. Time to start using my whole ass.
Things will work out. Head-first into the fire. Head-first....