Fic: KazerKiss (1/5)
Fic: KazerKiss
Pairing: Kane/Toews. ANOTHER KAZER.
Rating: hardly anything
Summary: Jonny and Patrick kiss for charity, and as 20, 000 people and countless more watch, everything changes.
ANOTHER KANER/TAZER FIC. I love them so much <3 This fic would absolutely not be even remotely possible without xornej and the charity event was entirely her idea :D YOU'RE THE BESTTTT <3
(also, fuck LJ. I'm sorry the formatting is shit. I CAN'T FIX IT I JUST CAN'TTTT)
Patrick says yes right away.
It gets him some strange looks, because the PR guy hasn’t even finished talking. All he’s said is we know this is crazy, but if you guys kissed- and why would Patrick say anything but yes to a sentence that starts like that?
“Um,” the PR guy says, “anyhow,” he casts a look at Jonny, who’s dead silent. “ -Chelsea,” he nods towards the woman from the children’s hospital, “said that a lot of your - fans, the female ones - would pay big money to see you guys kiss. because - well, I don’t know. She assures me they would. And it’d be for charity,” he throws in, and this must be for Jonny’s benefit, because he’s still quiet and kind of terrified looking. Not that the PR guy would be able to tell; Patrick just knows because Jonny’s got his hands clasped together tight under the table, nail marks visible. Patrick wants to reach over and pull his hands apart, but given the fact that they’re discussing kissing, he refrains.
“We could raise millions for the hospital,” Chelsea says eagerly. Patrick goes to swipe Jonny’s waterbottle and reconsiders, grabs his own can of redbull off the table instead.
“Cool,” he says.
“Are you all insane?” Jonny finally says, sounds kind of hoarse.
“We’re really excited about this event proposal,” Chelsea goes on, “we could raise upwards of ten million dollars, funding for research and improving the older wing of the hospital, it would be amazing.”
“The projection for this is staggering,” The PR guy adds, “it goes without saying that you guys are very popular with the younger female fan, and given current market trends and fan interest-”
“Referring to my extensive photography portfolio on Deadspin?” Patrick says, grinning.
“I thought we’re here to talk about fundraising,” Jonny says firmly. The PR guy nods.
“We are!” Chelsea says, so excited, “Many fans would be interested in seeing you-”
“Oh, God, what are you getting at?” Jonny sounds somewhere between faint and horrified.
“Look, Chelsea here seems to think we could raise a ton of money for the hospital if you two kiss-”
“Okay, cool, we’ll do it,” Patrick says. Really, they could have ended this discussion already. Why the hell would he say no?
“Uh... kiss in front of a live audience.”
“This has to be a joke,” Jonny says weakly.
“No, Jonathan, we’re serious. Between ticket sales, payperview revenue-”
“Pay per view?” Jonny echoes, visibly distressed now.
“-And merchandising, we could raise more money for charity than any single NHL-affiliated event. Ever. Can you imagine what that would do for the organisation?”
“And the hospital,” Chelsea chimes in.
“Yeah,” Patrick nudges Jonny. “Think of the children. The babies. It’s a harmless kiss!”
“It’s fifteen minutes of, uh, harmless kissing,” the PR guy points out. Jonny frowns.
“Fifteen,” Jonny repeats. Patrick just grins, because fifteen minutes? That’s forever, and fucking awesome.
“For kids, and charity!” he reminds Jonny gleefully, because, charity is important. He’d do this for free. But whatever. Charity is good. Charity is awesome.
“Look, I know how it sounds,” Chelsea says, “but my teenage niece and her friends, this is a big deal to them. They dedicate Tumblr pages to this. These young women come to games, they already buy merchandise. They would pay good money to watch you make out, plain and simple. Everyone would benefit.”
Goddamnit, Jonny needs to say yes, Patrick wants him to.
“Charity, dude,” Patrick reminds him, tries not to sound excited.
“Charity,” Jonny says in a quiet voice, and Patrick fistpumps. Jonny sounds resigned, because he just agreed.
“We should practice!” he suggests cheerily. Jonny huffs out a sigh and leaves the room.
0o0o00o0o
The team takes the news in the most predictable way possible. Before practice the next day, the locker room is rowdy, and Patrick’s pretty sure he’s heard something from every last guy about it.
“You guys are just jealous that you don’t get to make out with me, too,” Patrick says, because Hayes and Shawsy are starting to argue over what actors should play everyone in the Hollywood adaptation of this. “I’ll open a kissing booth, don’t worry.”
“As fuckin’ if,” Bollig says.
“See, those PR guys didn’t even think of all the fundraising possibilities here,” Patrick grins, elbows Jonny beside him, “Jonny, what do you think I should charge these guys for a kiss? Or maybe we should wait until afterwards to set the price, they won’t be able to say no.”
“Stop fooling around, we have practice,” Jonny snaps back, grabbing his helmet off the bench and starting out of the room.
“Your mom’s fooling around,” Patrick yells after him as the locker room door closes.
“Not the best usage of the ‘your mom’ comeback,” Sharpy informs Patrick from down the bench, “Give
Tazer a break, clearly he has performance anxiety.”
“Your mom has performance anxiety, Sharpy,” Patrick retorts, making a face at him. It’s hard to get annoyed at even Sharpy, when everything is going so great. Sharpy can do whatever, Patrick doesn’t care, his life’s too awesome - he gets to make out with Jonny, for fuck’s sake. It’s like the jerkoff fantasy genie came and granted him his greatest wish, because he gets to make out with Jonny. He never thought he’d get this, because Jonny isn’t into him, or dudes, or anything, probably, but now Patrick’s going to get to kiss him, and he’s going to enjoy the fuck out of it. It’s Jonny, and Jonny’s just - he’s what Patrick wants. Surely everyone has that one person who just represents every sexy thing possible for them. His end-all-be-all-hot person just happens to be Jonny. And now Patrick gets to kiss Jonny, know what he tastes like and feels like and Jonny’s going to be focusing that intense look on him, and for a minute, Patrick’s going to be the only thing in the world for him.
If he’s grinning through the entire practice, so what. He’s just got a great life.
00o0o0o00o0o
It’s a while before any of the guys are free for their usual xbox competition, and Patrick’s bursting with excitement by the time they finally meet up, this time at Hayes’s place. Shawsy and Bollig are already there, Bollig trying to pull Shawsy over the back of the couch and out of his spot.
“Just take that one,” Shawsy says, batting Bollig’s hands off the hood of his jacket. “Jeeerrrk.”
“This one’s mine,” Bollig whines.
“Tazer here yet?” Patrick asks Hayes as they join the other two. Hayes shakes his head.
“He’s late,” he says, in a bored tone like this isn’t the weirdest thing anyone’s ever said.
“Well, shit,” Patrick flops down on the couch, “what’s next, crop circles?”
“I think I saw flying pigs on my way here - ooowww!” Shawsy complains, as Bollig finally hauls him out of his seat and deposits him on the floor. They’re nearly done with the menu setup by the time Jonny finally shows up, nearly twenty minutes late.
“You die on the way here or something?” Shawsy asks from his spot on the floor, sitting between Bollig’s legs.
“Yeah, obviously.” Jonny sits down - not in the empty spot next to Patrick. He grabs a controller and sits on the loveseat next to Hayes, like this is totally normal. Patrick rolls his eyes; no doubt Jonny’s still gonna be on his case about sneaking looks at his screen last time they played COD together. Bollig and Shawsy are arguing over who has to sit out the first round; Bollig says he should get to play because he drove them here, and Shawsy says sitting on the floor should earn him it.
“There’s a spot right there,” Bollig points to the spot between himself and Patrick that was sort of supposed to be Jonny’s.
“You go first, but if you lose, you make me breakfast,” he says, smirking.
Hayes eventually gets up to grab another beer from the kitchen, and Patrick moves over to take his seat next to Jonny, because, well, it’s obviously his. Playing against Jonny is more fun when there’s elbowing involved; Jonny hates when his carefully-lined-up shot is jostled.
“I want something good when I win,” Patrick says, because he’s totally winning and will absolutely sweep this. Shawsy snorts with laughter.
“The rest of us will not makeout with you, Kaner.”
“When I win, the prize is rewarding me, not you, anyways,” Patrick retorts. He tries to kick Shawsy but can’t reach, eventually gives up and just sprawls back across the loveseat, bumps Jonny’s knee with his. “You could bet me somethin’.”
“Yeah, no.”
“Dude,” Hayes says, coming back into the room, “that was my spot.”
“Like it ever was,” Bollig remarks, and Shawsy laughs.
“Can’t separate Kazer, bro,” Shawsy says, and Patrick laughs. So what, they’re awesome together, and it’s kind of nice, knowing exactly where he’s supposed to go. He reaches over and fistbumps Shawsy, grinning.
“No one’s stealin’ my seat,” he remarks. Jonny doesn’t say anything, but when Patrick goes to elbow him to mess up his careful snipe, he finds that Jonny’s scooted farther away.
Patrick proceeds to come in second, third, and then last place, but whatever, it’s only because Shawsy’s freakishly good at ambushes and Bollig is a coward that has a low deathcount because he hides. Patrick hands over his controller to Hayes and wanders off to the bathroom. When he comes back - okay, maybe he spent some time playing with the foaming soap, he totally needs to get that for his apartment - Jonny is gone.
“Where’s Tazer?” he asks, sitting back down and picking up the controller sitting on the cushion. Finders keepers, because Jonny can’t defend it when he’s in the kitchen or whatever.
“Left,” Bollig says, rolls his eyes at Hayes.
“Hey, I didn’t do anything! All I did was ask how he can stand to kiss you,” Hayes holds up his hands, “totally didn’t do anything.”
“Huh. Did he say anything?”
“Well he said bye,” Hayes looks confused.
“Oh.” Patrick sprawls back onto the loveseat, throws his legs over Jonny’s spot. It’s not like he’s going to allow anyone else to sit there. “I’m amazed, you guys annoying someone? Shocker!” He digs his phone out of his pocket while they mess with settings, and opens a new message. He just - wants to check, is all. Maybe the guys also said something to piss off Jonny, and just don’t know it. They’re not Patrick, after all, they don’t know these things.
whered u go? he texts to Jonny.
Just got tired and went home, Jonny sends back, proper capitalisation and everything, like always.
yea this is lame. want me 2 come ovr?
The next text doesn’t come for a while, so it’s like Jonny’s already answered, but even so, Patrick’s heart sinks just a little when he reads im just gonna go 2 bed ttyl
Well, fine, what the fuck. First Jonny leaves without saying goodbye to him, and aren’t Canadians supposed to be polite or something? Jonny is the worst Canadian Patrick’s ever known, seriously. He absolutely fails in the whole ‘saying goodbye before you disappear’ thing. It’d be fine if he’d wanted Patrick to come over now, because that’s awesome and would make up for the lack of a goodbye, but this just - isn’t cool.
Patrick pushes it out of his mind and focuses on kicking the rookies’ asses in the next round, and if he comes in last, it’s just because they’re cheating, not because he’s distracted by being mad, or whatever.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
The promo filming guys really have their scheduling down to a science. Right as their teammates start getting bored of the kissing chirps, Patrick and Jonny have to film the promo, which will surely make the chirping pick right back up again. Patrick doesn’t care, though, he’ll take any amount of chirping, because kissing Jonny. It kind of overrides everything in how awesome it is.
He shows up at the filming studio in the morning, and Jonny’s already there, of course, because to him ten o’clock really means nine-forty-five so you can be exasperated with everyone who gets there at ten. Sometimes, Patrick likes getting places even earlier so he can grin smugly at Jonny when he arrives.
“Sup, Tazer,” he says as he comes in, “let’s do this!” Jonny gives him a less than enthusiastic look, but follows him into the studio.
The lines they’re given are as ridiculous as Patrick knew they’d be, but he loves cheesy, ridiculous shit, and he’s bouncing on his toes in excitement. He just loves watching Jonny say all the hilarious lines with this steadfast deadpan, like he doesn’t even know he’s being so serious. They run through the lines a few times, do a few takes.
“Okay, ready?” the director says. “Take four.”
“Totally!” Patrick says eagerly, and Jonny nods yes. The cameras start rolling.
“Hi,” Jonny says, as serious as ever, “I’m Jonathan Toews.”
“And I’m Patrick Kane.” Patrick thinks he succeeds in not grinning too much.
“Chicago is our home,” Jonny says, “we love this city. In fact, we love it so much that there’s nothing we won’t do for our community.”
“Yeah,” Patrick chimes in, “I’d do anything. Even kiss this guy.” He tilts his head towards Jonny, grins at him. “Oh, I’m serious.”
“You wanted it, you got it,” Jonny says into the camera, “Join us at United Centre, Thursday night, February fourteenth, for KazerKiss 2013.” Patrick looks at him, smiles brightly.
“Does this mean you’re my valentine, Tazer?” he asks.
“Tickets go on sale February first,” Jonny goes on.
“Come watch me kiss my most favourite captain!”
“All proceeds benefit the Children’s Memorial Hospital.”
“You know, Tazer,” Patrick says, “we should give them a sneak preview.” He’s really excited for this part. He leans in towards Jonny, but breaks down in giggles because Jonny looks so serious, it’s hilarious.
“Goddamnit, Kaner,” Tazer huffs, “again?”
“Sorry, sorry!” He just can’t help it.
“Be serious,” Jonny insists again.
“I am! Honest! Let’s do it again.”
He gets as far as four inches from Jonny before he has to duck back, snickering. “Patrick!” Jonny throws up his hands.
“I’m sorry! Again?”
He fucks it up again, of course, thinks Jonny’s glower might actually kill him. “One more time,” Patrick says, “I’ll get it, I swear!” It’s just hard to be serious when he’s pretending to kiss Jonny, because soon, he’s going to kiss Jonny. It’s just so exciting.
This time, he does his very best not to laugh. He leans in close to Jonny, so, so close, and then the director yells “cut! Finally, great.”
Patrick kind of wants to tell him to shut up and let him actually kiss Jonny, but he draws back obediently. He’ll get to kiss Jonny soon - really soon.
It’s hard to stop smiling for the rest of the day.
Next part
Pairing: Kane/Toews. ANOTHER KAZER.
Rating: hardly anything
Summary: Jonny and Patrick kiss for charity, and as 20, 000 people and countless more watch, everything changes.
ANOTHER KANER/TAZER FIC. I love them so much <3 This fic would absolutely not be even remotely possible without xornej and the charity event was entirely her idea :D YOU'RE THE BESTTTT <3
(also, fuck LJ. I'm sorry the formatting is shit. I CAN'T FIX IT I JUST CAN'TTTT)
Patrick says yes right away.
It gets him some strange looks, because the PR guy hasn’t even finished talking. All he’s said is we know this is crazy, but if you guys kissed- and why would Patrick say anything but yes to a sentence that starts like that?
“Um,” the PR guy says, “anyhow,” he casts a look at Jonny, who’s dead silent. “ -Chelsea,” he nods towards the woman from the children’s hospital, “said that a lot of your - fans, the female ones - would pay big money to see you guys kiss. because - well, I don’t know. She assures me they would. And it’d be for charity,” he throws in, and this must be for Jonny’s benefit, because he’s still quiet and kind of terrified looking. Not that the PR guy would be able to tell; Patrick just knows because Jonny’s got his hands clasped together tight under the table, nail marks visible. Patrick wants to reach over and pull his hands apart, but given the fact that they’re discussing kissing, he refrains.
“We could raise millions for the hospital,” Chelsea says eagerly. Patrick goes to swipe Jonny’s waterbottle and reconsiders, grabs his own can of redbull off the table instead.
“Cool,” he says.
“Are you all insane?” Jonny finally says, sounds kind of hoarse.
“We’re really excited about this event proposal,” Chelsea goes on, “we could raise upwards of ten million dollars, funding for research and improving the older wing of the hospital, it would be amazing.”
“The projection for this is staggering,” The PR guy adds, “it goes without saying that you guys are very popular with the younger female fan, and given current market trends and fan interest-”
“Referring to my extensive photography portfolio on Deadspin?” Patrick says, grinning.
“I thought we’re here to talk about fundraising,” Jonny says firmly. The PR guy nods.
“We are!” Chelsea says, so excited, “Many fans would be interested in seeing you-”
“Oh, God, what are you getting at?” Jonny sounds somewhere between faint and horrified.
“Look, Chelsea here seems to think we could raise a ton of money for the hospital if you two kiss-”
“Okay, cool, we’ll do it,” Patrick says. Really, they could have ended this discussion already. Why the hell would he say no?
“Uh... kiss in front of a live audience.”
“This has to be a joke,” Jonny says weakly.
“No, Jonathan, we’re serious. Between ticket sales, payperview revenue-”
“Pay per view?” Jonny echoes, visibly distressed now.
“-And merchandising, we could raise more money for charity than any single NHL-affiliated event. Ever. Can you imagine what that would do for the organisation?”
“And the hospital,” Chelsea chimes in.
“Yeah,” Patrick nudges Jonny. “Think of the children. The babies. It’s a harmless kiss!”
“It’s fifteen minutes of, uh, harmless kissing,” the PR guy points out. Jonny frowns.
“Fifteen,” Jonny repeats. Patrick just grins, because fifteen minutes? That’s forever, and fucking awesome.
“For kids, and charity!” he reminds Jonny gleefully, because, charity is important. He’d do this for free. But whatever. Charity is good. Charity is awesome.
“Look, I know how it sounds,” Chelsea says, “but my teenage niece and her friends, this is a big deal to them. They dedicate Tumblr pages to this. These young women come to games, they already buy merchandise. They would pay good money to watch you make out, plain and simple. Everyone would benefit.”
Goddamnit, Jonny needs to say yes, Patrick wants him to.
“Charity, dude,” Patrick reminds him, tries not to sound excited.
“Charity,” Jonny says in a quiet voice, and Patrick fistpumps. Jonny sounds resigned, because he just agreed.
“We should practice!” he suggests cheerily. Jonny huffs out a sigh and leaves the room.
0o0o00o0o
The team takes the news in the most predictable way possible. Before practice the next day, the locker room is rowdy, and Patrick’s pretty sure he’s heard something from every last guy about it.
“You guys are just jealous that you don’t get to make out with me, too,” Patrick says, because Hayes and Shawsy are starting to argue over what actors should play everyone in the Hollywood adaptation of this. “I’ll open a kissing booth, don’t worry.”
“As fuckin’ if,” Bollig says.
“See, those PR guys didn’t even think of all the fundraising possibilities here,” Patrick grins, elbows Jonny beside him, “Jonny, what do you think I should charge these guys for a kiss? Or maybe we should wait until afterwards to set the price, they won’t be able to say no.”
“Stop fooling around, we have practice,” Jonny snaps back, grabbing his helmet off the bench and starting out of the room.
“Your mom’s fooling around,” Patrick yells after him as the locker room door closes.
“Not the best usage of the ‘your mom’ comeback,” Sharpy informs Patrick from down the bench, “Give
Tazer a break, clearly he has performance anxiety.”
“Your mom has performance anxiety, Sharpy,” Patrick retorts, making a face at him. It’s hard to get annoyed at even Sharpy, when everything is going so great. Sharpy can do whatever, Patrick doesn’t care, his life’s too awesome - he gets to make out with Jonny, for fuck’s sake. It’s like the jerkoff fantasy genie came and granted him his greatest wish, because he gets to make out with Jonny. He never thought he’d get this, because Jonny isn’t into him, or dudes, or anything, probably, but now Patrick’s going to get to kiss him, and he’s going to enjoy the fuck out of it. It’s Jonny, and Jonny’s just - he’s what Patrick wants. Surely everyone has that one person who just represents every sexy thing possible for them. His end-all-be-all-hot person just happens to be Jonny. And now Patrick gets to kiss Jonny, know what he tastes like and feels like and Jonny’s going to be focusing that intense look on him, and for a minute, Patrick’s going to be the only thing in the world for him.
If he’s grinning through the entire practice, so what. He’s just got a great life.
00o0o0o00o0o
It’s a while before any of the guys are free for their usual xbox competition, and Patrick’s bursting with excitement by the time they finally meet up, this time at Hayes’s place. Shawsy and Bollig are already there, Bollig trying to pull Shawsy over the back of the couch and out of his spot.
“Just take that one,” Shawsy says, batting Bollig’s hands off the hood of his jacket. “Jeeerrrk.”
“This one’s mine,” Bollig whines.
“Tazer here yet?” Patrick asks Hayes as they join the other two. Hayes shakes his head.
“He’s late,” he says, in a bored tone like this isn’t the weirdest thing anyone’s ever said.
“Well, shit,” Patrick flops down on the couch, “what’s next, crop circles?”
“I think I saw flying pigs on my way here - ooowww!” Shawsy complains, as Bollig finally hauls him out of his seat and deposits him on the floor. They’re nearly done with the menu setup by the time Jonny finally shows up, nearly twenty minutes late.
“You die on the way here or something?” Shawsy asks from his spot on the floor, sitting between Bollig’s legs.
“Yeah, obviously.” Jonny sits down - not in the empty spot next to Patrick. He grabs a controller and sits on the loveseat next to Hayes, like this is totally normal. Patrick rolls his eyes; no doubt Jonny’s still gonna be on his case about sneaking looks at his screen last time they played COD together. Bollig and Shawsy are arguing over who has to sit out the first round; Bollig says he should get to play because he drove them here, and Shawsy says sitting on the floor should earn him it.
“There’s a spot right there,” Bollig points to the spot between himself and Patrick that was sort of supposed to be Jonny’s.
“You go first, but if you lose, you make me breakfast,” he says, smirking.
Hayes eventually gets up to grab another beer from the kitchen, and Patrick moves over to take his seat next to Jonny, because, well, it’s obviously his. Playing against Jonny is more fun when there’s elbowing involved; Jonny hates when his carefully-lined-up shot is jostled.
“I want something good when I win,” Patrick says, because he’s totally winning and will absolutely sweep this. Shawsy snorts with laughter.
“The rest of us will not makeout with you, Kaner.”
“When I win, the prize is rewarding me, not you, anyways,” Patrick retorts. He tries to kick Shawsy but can’t reach, eventually gives up and just sprawls back across the loveseat, bumps Jonny’s knee with his. “You could bet me somethin’.”
“Yeah, no.”
“Dude,” Hayes says, coming back into the room, “that was my spot.”
“Like it ever was,” Bollig remarks, and Shawsy laughs.
“Can’t separate Kazer, bro,” Shawsy says, and Patrick laughs. So what, they’re awesome together, and it’s kind of nice, knowing exactly where he’s supposed to go. He reaches over and fistbumps Shawsy, grinning.
“No one’s stealin’ my seat,” he remarks. Jonny doesn’t say anything, but when Patrick goes to elbow him to mess up his careful snipe, he finds that Jonny’s scooted farther away.
Patrick proceeds to come in second, third, and then last place, but whatever, it’s only because Shawsy’s freakishly good at ambushes and Bollig is a coward that has a low deathcount because he hides. Patrick hands over his controller to Hayes and wanders off to the bathroom. When he comes back - okay, maybe he spent some time playing with the foaming soap, he totally needs to get that for his apartment - Jonny is gone.
“Where’s Tazer?” he asks, sitting back down and picking up the controller sitting on the cushion. Finders keepers, because Jonny can’t defend it when he’s in the kitchen or whatever.
“Left,” Bollig says, rolls his eyes at Hayes.
“Hey, I didn’t do anything! All I did was ask how he can stand to kiss you,” Hayes holds up his hands, “totally didn’t do anything.”
“Huh. Did he say anything?”
“Well he said bye,” Hayes looks confused.
“Oh.” Patrick sprawls back onto the loveseat, throws his legs over Jonny’s spot. It’s not like he’s going to allow anyone else to sit there. “I’m amazed, you guys annoying someone? Shocker!” He digs his phone out of his pocket while they mess with settings, and opens a new message. He just - wants to check, is all. Maybe the guys also said something to piss off Jonny, and just don’t know it. They’re not Patrick, after all, they don’t know these things.
whered u go? he texts to Jonny.
Just got tired and went home, Jonny sends back, proper capitalisation and everything, like always.
yea this is lame. want me 2 come ovr?
The next text doesn’t come for a while, so it’s like Jonny’s already answered, but even so, Patrick’s heart sinks just a little when he reads im just gonna go 2 bed ttyl
Well, fine, what the fuck. First Jonny leaves without saying goodbye to him, and aren’t Canadians supposed to be polite or something? Jonny is the worst Canadian Patrick’s ever known, seriously. He absolutely fails in the whole ‘saying goodbye before you disappear’ thing. It’d be fine if he’d wanted Patrick to come over now, because that’s awesome and would make up for the lack of a goodbye, but this just - isn’t cool.
Patrick pushes it out of his mind and focuses on kicking the rookies’ asses in the next round, and if he comes in last, it’s just because they’re cheating, not because he’s distracted by being mad, or whatever.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
The promo filming guys really have their scheduling down to a science. Right as their teammates start getting bored of the kissing chirps, Patrick and Jonny have to film the promo, which will surely make the chirping pick right back up again. Patrick doesn’t care, though, he’ll take any amount of chirping, because kissing Jonny. It kind of overrides everything in how awesome it is.
He shows up at the filming studio in the morning, and Jonny’s already there, of course, because to him ten o’clock really means nine-forty-five so you can be exasperated with everyone who gets there at ten. Sometimes, Patrick likes getting places even earlier so he can grin smugly at Jonny when he arrives.
“Sup, Tazer,” he says as he comes in, “let’s do this!” Jonny gives him a less than enthusiastic look, but follows him into the studio.
The lines they’re given are as ridiculous as Patrick knew they’d be, but he loves cheesy, ridiculous shit, and he’s bouncing on his toes in excitement. He just loves watching Jonny say all the hilarious lines with this steadfast deadpan, like he doesn’t even know he’s being so serious. They run through the lines a few times, do a few takes.
“Okay, ready?” the director says. “Take four.”
“Totally!” Patrick says eagerly, and Jonny nods yes. The cameras start rolling.
“Hi,” Jonny says, as serious as ever, “I’m Jonathan Toews.”
“And I’m Patrick Kane.” Patrick thinks he succeeds in not grinning too much.
“Chicago is our home,” Jonny says, “we love this city. In fact, we love it so much that there’s nothing we won’t do for our community.”
“Yeah,” Patrick chimes in, “I’d do anything. Even kiss this guy.” He tilts his head towards Jonny, grins at him. “Oh, I’m serious.”
“You wanted it, you got it,” Jonny says into the camera, “Join us at United Centre, Thursday night, February fourteenth, for KazerKiss 2013.” Patrick looks at him, smiles brightly.
“Does this mean you’re my valentine, Tazer?” he asks.
“Tickets go on sale February first,” Jonny goes on.
“Come watch me kiss my most favourite captain!”
“All proceeds benefit the Children’s Memorial Hospital.”
“You know, Tazer,” Patrick says, “we should give them a sneak preview.” He’s really excited for this part. He leans in towards Jonny, but breaks down in giggles because Jonny looks so serious, it’s hilarious.
“Goddamnit, Kaner,” Tazer huffs, “again?”
“Sorry, sorry!” He just can’t help it.
“Be serious,” Jonny insists again.
“I am! Honest! Let’s do it again.”
He gets as far as four inches from Jonny before he has to duck back, snickering. “Patrick!” Jonny throws up his hands.
“I’m sorry! Again?”
He fucks it up again, of course, thinks Jonny’s glower might actually kill him. “One more time,” Patrick says, “I’ll get it, I swear!” It’s just hard to be serious when he’s pretending to kiss Jonny, because soon, he’s going to kiss Jonny. It’s just so exciting.
This time, he does his very best not to laugh. He leans in close to Jonny, so, so close, and then the director yells “cut! Finally, great.”
Patrick kind of wants to tell him to shut up and let him actually kiss Jonny, but he draws back obediently. He’ll get to kiss Jonny soon - really soon.
It’s hard to stop smiling for the rest of the day.
Next part