Fic: Belonging Here (3/3)
Saturday starts out well, thankfully. Ryan’s sure he couldn’t handle anything even remotely upsetting today after last night, so finding a package when he checks his mail on the way out is a welcome surprise. He had a little too much free time last week during the days he couldn’t see Alex, resulting in the pink puppy collar that’s finally gotten here. The best part’s the tag, though, and the whole thing puts him in a much better mood than he would have been otherwise.
He gets to the marina at eleven, and when he gets out of his car, he can hear a puppy barking. He heads towards the marina, and comes across Alex, standing by his SUV’s open trunk.
“Ryan!” Alex smiles brilliantly at him, Kessy barking from the trunk. “Are you believing they have a boat?”
“I figure, at least they didn’t get a helicopter or something.”
“Maybe a jet is next.” Alex goes to get something out of the front seat. “I would not mind this, though. Except they don’t know how to, euh. Drive? A plane?”
“How to fly it.” Ryan pets Kessy, and she licks his wrist. “Hey, princess,” he coos, takes the collar from his pocket. “Look what I got you.” She wags her tail, actually stands still so he can put it on instead of the plain collar she has now. “Hey,” he calls up to Alex, “Think they’ll get a dog next?”
“I think I am not even wanting to know.” Alex replies, closing the door and coming back over, “I do not think they would be good at it.” He leans down to kiss the top of Kessy’s head, and she yips happily, “they are not as good as we are, n’est ce pas, bebe?” he coos at her, and Ryan tries not to let this hurt, because goddamnit, he wants to be just like them, wants to be to Alex what Kevin is to Lappy. No matter what Alex tells Kessy, there is no them, it’s just Alex, just him, separate no matter how much time they spend together.
“Um, so what’s that?” Ryan asks, because he doesn’t want to think about that anymore, and Alex is holding a little canvas bag that’s purple, which is interesting.
“Kessy’s! She has a towel and treats, and also, a puppy lifejacket.”
“Alex, she’s a dog. She can swim.”
“It is the ocean!” Alex says indignantly, “it is so - big! And the, euh, waves! She is too tiny.”
“Right, right. Should we head over?” He takes a leash from the bag, clips it to Kessy’s collar before he puts her down on the concrete and follows Alex across the lot.
Surprisingly, it’s not easy to find Lappy and Kevin. Ryan was kind of thinking that they’d be easy to spot, probably the ones who parked their boat backwards, one of them possible falling off the dock. When he does see Kevin, he tries not to burst out laughing and fails.
“You in the fucking Village People or something?” he asks, because Kevin’s wearing a fucking captain’s hat, and looks nothing short of ridiculous. The way Lappy’s grinning doesn’t help, either.
“Fuck off, I’m sexy.” Kevin gets off the cooler he was sitting on and takes out a beer, tosses it to Ryan as consolation.
“I am guessing this is what you get him,” Alex is saying to Lappy, who nods like he’s proud of it.
“So, ready to go or what?” Kevin asks, sweeps an arm towards the boat waiting in the water.
“I can’t believe you bought a fucking boat,” Ryan says. It’s kind of nice, admittedly. He was sort of hoping for a sailboat because there’s no way in hell either of them would know what to do with that, but it’s just a speedboat, albeit a huge one. He opens the can, takes a sip, which turns out to be a bad idea, because then he sees the name of the boat and spits out his mouthful. “Jesus fuck! The Double Thruster?!”
“Sexy, huh?” Kevin leers at him, while Ryan just splutters.
“You may as well call it the S.S. Assfucking!”
“Shit, good idea!” Kevin grins in a completely worrying way. Ryan groans.
“Just get your ass on the boat,” he says, going to join Alex and Lappy on the boat, Kevin following, still laughing.
They spend the afternoon doing nothing, and Ryan loves it. The weather’s actually perfect, and he’s drinking beer while listening to Kevin and Lappy try to decide how they feel about the new Whistler ale, and Alex is sitting nearby shirtless, playing tug of war with Kessy with a rope toy.
“But grapefruit,” Lappy repeats to Kevin, like this is a point in and of itself. “It’s supposed to be sweet!”
“Supposed to? It’s so un-sweet that you have to dip it in sugar,” Kevin replies, and Lappy shrugs a shoulder.
“Right. It’s supposed to be sweet, they made the fruit wrong.”
“They being trees?”
“Clearly.” Lappy smirks at Kevin, and Ryan rolls his eyes when Kevin’s only response is to pull Lappy to him and kiss him soundly. They’ve been doing this all day, and Ryan’s caught between finding it boringly normal because it just seems so natural for them, and being absurdly jealous. He wants to be allowed to kiss Alex’s bare shoulders and kiss him whenever he says something adorable. Ryan looks down when he feels Kessy set her paws on his knee; Alex is over looking through the cooler, Kessy already bored without him.
“Hi, Kessy,” Ryan smiles down at her, and she wags her tail happily.
“Dude, you guys are ridiculous,” Kevin laughs, nudging him, “you and your little four-legged daughter.”
“Fuck you,” Ryan elbows him back.
“At least her ears aren’t as big as yours, huh? She got off easy.”
“Not funny!”
What’s with the collar?” Lappy asks, as Alex comes back over.
“What?” Alex sits back next to Ryan. “It is normal.” Lappy looks at Kessy’s tag when she wanders over to him, laughs at the pink tag. On one side, there’s information, but the other reads daddy’s little princess.
“Super normal,” he grins. Alex arches an eyebrow.
“Viens, Kessy,” he calls over, and she runs to him happily. He scoops her onto his lap, and Ryan can feel himself blushing as Alex looks at the collar. “Kessy,” Alex coos, “que t’es mignon!”
“You guys are so odd,” Kevin says, standing. He pulls Lappy up by the hand and kisses him before they head back across the deck, stumbling as they snatch kisses.
“This is from you,” Alex says to Ryan, smiling at him. Fuck, Ryan knows he must be turning pink now. Maybe Alex will think he’s just sunburned. “C’est mignon! I know she loves it.” And then suddenly, he leans over and kisses Ryan on the cheek, like it’s nothing. And - maybe it is, he’s - French, after all, but Ryan can’t help but smile, his heart pounding. He just wants to grab Alex and hold him close, actually kiss him, and he can’t do that, but at least he can sit here shoulder-to-shoulder with Alex, glowing with the knowledge that at least Alex wants this from him, at least he has this much.
Except - oh, God. Ryan can hear them. He can hear Lappy’s voice, and he’s moaning something, and Ryan does not want to be hearing this, fuck. He doesn’t know whether to say something, or keep quiet, but he’s probably blushing and fuck, this could not be more fucking awkward.
“You know,” Alex says, “the boat’s cool.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“And, euh. It’s been really nice out today.”
“Yeah, wasn’t it?” Fuck, they’re loud. Ryan studies the can in his hand intently, like he suddenly finds the logo fascinating.
“Season starts soon,” Alex remarks, “maybe the weather will be nice still.”
“Yup, that’d be. Cool. Um,” Ryan stammers out, because Kessy’s run over to the closed cabin door, poking her nose under the door and wagging her tail. “Come back,” Ryan calls over, but she doesn’t listen. “Kessy-” She lifts her head, but only yips and paws at the floor again.
“Euh - viens, Kessy,” Alex adds, and Kessy comes back over to them, barking excitedly. There’s a loud noise from the cabin, something falling over. “Should we drink more-” Alex starts, as Ryan says, “I need another beer.”
Kessy brings over her rope toy to play, and Ryan’s never been more grateful for a distraction. He thinks Alex might feel the same way, because he drops to his knees to play tug of war with her.
“I wonder what time it is,” Ryan says, squinting up at the sun. “It’s kinda hot.”
“I am not - knowing,” Alex pulls half-heartedly on his half of the rope, Kessy tugging enthusiastically on hers. His back’s to Ryan, and Ryan just wishes he could touch him, all that pale skin, sun-warm. There’s another crash from inside the cabin. “Êtes-vous d'accord là-dedans?” Alex calls out, sounds halfway exasperated.
“Va chier!” Lappy yells back, sounds kind of breathless. Kessy tugs extra hard on the rope, and Alex falls onto his hands.
“You win, Kessy,” he tells her, stays sprawled on the deck as she yips happily and licks his face.
“If you let her win all the time, she’ll turn out like Kes,” Kevin says as he comes out of the cabin, “you know, arrogant as fuck.”
“Dude,” Ryan looks up to glower at him as Kevin wanders over, “you guys have no sense of decency.” He stands to grab Kessy’s toy off the ground before it falls over the side of the boat, gives it back to her.
“If we really had no decency, we’d do it on the deck.”
“What the fuck ever,” Ryan rolls his eyes, “Don’t have sex when we’re in earshot, fuck.”
“I didn’t mean to,” Kevin says, a doubtlessly fake look of complete innocence on his face. It’s less than convincing, because he’s shamelessly watching Lappy climb over the side of the boat, jump into the water. “I couldn’t help it,” Kevin claims, “we had to. Like, emergency, man. We needed to.” Ryan stammers for something to say, but he’s just open-mouthed and can only hope he isn’t turning red. Kevin just smirks, claps him on the shoulder. “You’ll see.”
“See?” Ryan echoes. Kevin’s smirk widens.
“You know. When you, uh,” he casts a look towards Alex, who’s on the other side of the deck by the cooler. “Fall in love.”
Ryan only barely restrains himself from shoving Kevin over the railing into the water, settles for glowering.
“I’m glad you find this funny,” he snaps out. Kevin’s expression softens.
“Kes-”
“No, fuck you.” He doesn’t want to be mad at Kevin, but he fucking has everything Ryan wants, because he fell in love with a teammate that loves him back, the only thing Ryan has ever asked for.
“It’s not my fault you’re stupid,” Kevin replies, and the only reason Ryan doesn’t punch him is because the tone surprises him in how light and unconcerned it is. He just shakes his head and stalks away. Kevin heads over to talk to Alex, which makes Ryan reconsider his decision not to murder Kevin. Whatever, though. He can be calm. He sits on the side and grabs a water bottle to add to Kessy’s little bowl, tries not to watch Alex as he climbs over the side of the boat and carefully edges closer to the water. He hates diving or even jumping into water, will make a face and shake his head if prompted to do it, something between dislike and fear on his face. Kessy watches Ryan refill her bowl, wagging her tail.
“Is it cold?” Kevin asks Lappy, who tries and fails to spit water at him, gags at how salty it is.
“Kessy!” Lappy calls out, “viens, petit!” Kessy barks excitedly, runs and jumps off the boat. She splashes through the water, paddling in a circle and barking.
“Lappy,” Alex starts to chide, swimming towards her. Little waves nearly submerge her, make her paddle harder and yip.
“Dude, Lappy!” Ryan yells, “what the fuck, man! She’s a baby, she can’t swim on her own!”
“Uh, she’s a dog, so…”
“She has a lifejacket! For puppies! She’s too small!” Ryan would like to jump in the water and choke Lappy, but Alex has scooped up Kessy and is putting her on the deck by Ryan. Ryan grabs her lifejacket out of the bag Alex brought for her, and she shakes off all the water. “C’mere, princess,” Ryan says, forgets to use French, but Kessy comes over before he can correct himself. After he puts on her life jacket, Kessy gets back in the water, and Ryan goes back to sit on the deck in the sun.
He’s not… sulking. He just doesn’t want to watch Kevin and Lappy right now, because even when they’re not touching, he can just see it, see the way Kevin smiles at Lappy, how Lappy’s gaze follows Kevin. Alex climbs onto the boat again, thankfully, and Ryan would much rather pay attention to him. Alex grabs a towel and wraps it around himself, comes to sit beside Ryan. He’s brought Kessy with him, and after he takes off her lifejacket, she shakes the water off her and curls up near them.
“Hey,” Ryan says, all he can manage when Alex is like this, unbearably adorable, his hair wet and spiky. Alex snuggles in against his side, leaning on him.
“You’re so warm,” Alex sighs out.
“That’s cuz I didn’t get in the freezing cold water.” Beside him, Alex is shivering as the wind picks up a little, which is the perfect excuse for Ryan to put an arm around him. He rubs his hand over the towel around Alex’s upper arm, and Alex makes a happy sighing sound, leans in closer against him. It’s moments like this that keep Ryan silent, convince him to say nothing. This, Alex warm against his side, just them under the hot sun, sparkling water all around, Ryan needs this, belongs here like this place was made for them. He could never lose this, never risk that, and he can’t say anything right now, because the only words left in his mind are I need to have this with you, could only say how was I myself until I found this, found you?, because he didn’t know anything until he knew this, Alex pressed against him like he fits here, just them in the world.
0oo0o00o
Ryan’s come to resent his own apartment. He hates it for its emptiness, for its quietness, for its unforgiveable lack of Alex, of Kessy. Kessy’s started to whine and cry every time Ryan leaves Alex’s house, and he can hear her barking as he walks out to his car, a frantic desperation that tears him apart.
Last night, she seemed even more upset, whining even as he was getting his jacket and shoes, pawing at his ankle and whimpering. Alex had a tortured look on his face when he scooped her up so she wouldn’t chase Ryan out the door, and between that and Kessy’s whines, Ryan had been miserable by the time he got out to his car, minutes from begging don’t make me leave, plead with Alex not to make him go back to his apartment, that place without them.
When Alex calls in the morning, Ryan answers it on the first ring, doesn’t care that this makes it obvious that he’s been staring at his phone all morning, willing it to ring.
“Want to come to the dog park with us?” Alex asks, “Kessy was so sad last night, I promised her you would today.” Ryan’s already left the kitchen to find his keys, grabbing his wallet.
“Yeah, totally. I’ll be there in a few.”
He hears Kessy barking before he even gets to the front door of Alex’s house, and as soon as Alex opens the door, she runs out, barking happily.
“Hi, princess,” Ryan scoops her up and she plants her paws on his chest so she can lick his face.
“You see,” Alex comes over, leans in to kiss Kessy on the top of her head, “I am telling you daddy will come back.”
Kessy wags her tail and barks, and she’s wiggly and excited all the way to the dog park, runs off as soon as Alex sets her down on the grass. She’s happy to play with the other dogs for an hour, runs back every now and then so Alex can tell her she’s being a good girl and playing so nicely with the other dogs, comes to Ryan to be pet more.
“Road trips will be sad,” Alex remarks as they watch her play with a little spaniel. “At least, she will be happy, she loves the kids of the neighbours.”
“Are they nice?” Ryan asks, wants to figure out some way to meet them and confirm this.
“Very nice. They are two girls, and French. They are so sweet with her, like she is a baby.”
“So no different from you, then,” Ryan teases, wishes for the thousandth time he could kiss Alex for the way he always cradles Kessy and babies her.
“You cannot be one to be talking,” Alex retorts, and Ryan laughs. It’s harder every day to resist kisses Alex for that, too, his perplexing muddling of English phrases.
Ryan watches Kessy leave the spaniel to go trotting up to a much bigger Rottweiler, bites his lip. “Should, um,” he says, looks from Alex to Kessy, pawing at the Rottweiler’s ball. “She’s okay right?” he asks, looks at Alex uncertainly.
“Euh-” Alex starts, and then his eyes go wide, just as Ryan hears the awful sound of growling and barking. “Non, merde, Kessy-” Alex sprints over, and Ryan nearly stumbles when he sees the Rottweiler snarling and snapping at Kessy, the way she cowers.
“Fuck,” he spits out, and oh, God, Kessy’s bleeding, the huge dog bit her.
“Ton chien-” Alex yells over at the woman sitting on the bench, who’s talking on the phone.
“Fuck that,” Ryan can’t just watch their little baby being attacked by a huge fucking dog, and fuck, the way she whimpers and cries, batting helplessly at the Rottweiler, Ryan jumps in before he can think about how that might be stupid.
“Ryan-” he hears Alex yelp. Ryan snatches Kessy out of the Rottweiler’s range, and the dog’s teeth rip down his arm, but Kessy’s shaking and bleeding and oh, if that had been her , her neck’s torn open already- “Kessy,” Alex sobs out, eyes widening at the sight of her, “merde, notre bebe, Ryan!”
“C’mon,” Ryan tells him, forces himself to sound steady, “we’re gonna take her to the vet.” Kessy makes weak little whimpers as they run for the car, paws at her nose where it’s bleeding, crying and is there nothing the Rottweiler didn’t hurt, their poor puppy- “Don’t do that, princess, please,” Ryan tells her as he digs his car keys out of his pocket, unlocks the car. He sets her in Alex’s arms in the passenger seat, runs around to the other side. There’s an emergency vet not far from here, he looked that up a few weeks ago, just in case, but he never wanted to have to use that information, and this, this is worse than anything he could have imagined.
“S’il te plait, non, elle est trop petit,” Alex is whimpering, “non, s’il te plait, c’est ma faute, ma pauvre, s’il te plait - she will - okay, yes? Ryan?” he asks desperately. Ryan’s busy weaving through traffic and praying for green lights, but he nods.
“She’ll be fine, Alex, they’ll take care of her.” He hopes so, couldn’t take it if she wasn’t, It takes far too long to get there; by the time they are, Alex is a mess and Kessy’s whimpers are terrifyingly faint, and she’s bleeding too much, Ryan wants to die, their poor puppy, she’s just so limp, and there’s so much blood-
The woman at the vet’s front desk is calm even as Ryan’s nearly at the point of begging them to help Kessy and Alex is crying. Kessy’s taken into the back, and thankfully, the assistant tells them they can wait in the back. The guy gives Ryan a startled look as he passes, probably because Ryan’s arm is still bleeding, but Ryan ignores him, leads Alex into the exam room. Alex sinks down in one of the chairs, buries his face in his hands.
“She’ll be okay,” Ryan says, wraps an arm around Alex’s shoulders, “she will, Alex.”
“Mais, notre Kessy,” Alex sobs, “c’est pas juste, la pauvre-”
“They’re taking good care of her.” He wishes so badly he could hug Alex to him and kiss him and make every kind of promise, has to settle for just this, not touching Alex nearly enough. “She’s so strong, Alex, she’s gonna be okay.”
“She is?” he asks weakly, looks up at Ryan like he knows Ryan has the answer, so trustingly, Ryan doesn’t know if he’s more reassured or terrified.
“I’m sure,” Ryan promises, “they’re taking good care of her.”
The assistant comes back in, and when he says they’re taking Kessy in to surgery, Alex breaks down sobbing again.
“But, she’ll be okay?” Ryan asks, because the assistant is kind of frowning.
“We’re going to do everything we can,” the assistant promises, “but, uh, let me get you a towel or something-” He grabs one out of a cabinet, and Ryan presses it to his arm, which seems to have been bleeding steadily. The pressure almost makes the throbbing pain worse, but he just props the rolled-up towel on his leg and presses his arm against it, looks back to Alex.
“Alex,” Ryan wants so badly to kiss him, just leans over and hugs him, “she’ll be okay. They’re doing a lot for her.”
“La pauvre,” Alex sobs, “c’est ma faute, je devrais-” Ryan knows this phrase, has heard Alex blame himself often enough for missed goals and off-centre passes.
“It wasn’t,” he promises, “Alex, no. You couldn’t have done anything. That dog’s owner’s at fault, if anyone.” It’s probably a good thing it was a woman; Ryan probably wouldn’t have been able to keep out of a fight with a guy, and being arrested would keep him from being here for Alex right now. “She’s going to be okay, they’re doing everything they can.”
He hears Alex’s phone ring in his pocket, over and over.
“Who-” Alex tries to yank it from his pocket, and Ryan takes it from him, answers so Alex doesn’t have to, because he’s crying so hard he probably couldn’t talk.
“What.”
“Well,” Lappy says, “we were gonna ask you guys to come over for dinner, but you’re clearly in a real sunny mood, so-”
“This fucking dog-” Ryan starts, looks at Alex and forces himself to take a breath, “hurt Kessy. We’re at the vet while they do surgery.”
“Oh, shit. Is she gonna be okay?” he sounds worried, and Ryan wonders for a second if he’d be like Alex, overwhelmed and in tears, but no doubt Kevin’s much better at comforting than Ryan is, so much steadier and calmer. Ryan rubs Alex’s shoulder, wishes he could be doing something for him.
“Hope so,” Ryan says. Alex whimpers.
“I’m sure she’ll be. She’s you guys’s puppy, and you guys are fighters, I’m sure she is too,” Lappy says, sounds so reassuring. Ryan hates it, why can’t he do this for Alex, why can’t he sound like Lappy, so sure and calming? “Call us if you need anything, okay? But I’m sure she’ll be okay.”
“Thanks,” Ryan says.
“Tell us how it goes, okay?”
“We will,” Ryan says, and when he hangs up, suddenly feels so helpless, alone and useless in comforting Alex.
“She will be okay, n’est ce pas?” Alex asks him weakly, and Ryan nods.
“She will, she has to be,” he says, hugs Alex tighter.
Ryan doesn’t know how much time passes, but it feels so long, because this is the worst way for time to pass, Alex sobbing and Ryan’s arm throbbing with pain, and they don’t know how Kessy is, what’s happening, but finally, the vet comes into the room.
“She’s going to be just fine,” he says, and Alex sighs in relief, drops his head into his hands.
“Merci a Dieu,” he breathes.
“We gave her stitches, cleaned everything up, and we’re just going to keep her overnight for observation, but she’s going to be fine.” The vet pauses, frowns. “You should get that looked at,” he says to Ryan. Ryan looks down at his arm, and Alex follows his gaze.
“Ryan!” he gasps out, and when Ryan looks back at him, Alex’s eyes are welled with tears again. “Merde, non, t’es blesse-”
“Don’t worry,” Ryan says, squeezes his wrist gently. “It’ll be fine.”
“Mais, it’s, it is so bad, Ryan! C’est ma faute- je suis desole, Ryan, we have to- be going, to - l’hoptial, Ryan, now-”
“Yeah, we will, c’mon,” Ryan stands, leads him out of the room. He stops to talk to the woman at the front desk, who tells them they can get Kesy at seven tomorrow morning.
“You should - have be - saying something!” Alex says as they hurry to the parking lot, and Ryan didn’t think he could be more panicked and upset, but Alex seems even more devastated by this, and maybe some part of Ryan is in love with the way Alex is so worried about him.
“I wanted to make sure Kessy was okay,” he says, and Alex says something in French that he doesn’t catch, soft and broken. Ryan drives to the ER, and when they get there, they’re given a private room because his arm’s still bleeding and the nurse looks somewhere between worried and exasperated when he tells her it’s from a dog.
“You’re not supposed to break up a dog fight like that,” she says as she points him to the gurney, preps an IV.
“It wasn’t a fight, it was a Rottweiler attacking our puppy,” Ryan barely keeps himself from snapping, draws in a shaky breath to steady himself. Alex watches the nurse put in the IV from the other side of the gurney, head in his hands, and Ryan wants so badly to hug him as he cries.
“The doctor will right in to do the stiches,” the nurse says, her tone a little softer now, probably because she sees the way Alex struggles not to cry, all kinds of heartbreaking. “You’ll be fine,” she adds, probably more for Alex’s benefit than Ryan’s.
After she leaves, Alex scoots his chair closer to the bed, his gaze on Ryan’s arm. “I’m sorry,” he says weakly, “c’est - my fault, that you are - doing this, I’m sorry-” he sounds like he’s going to cry again, and Ryan wants to kiss him, promise he’s okay, better because Alex is here. The doctor comes in before Ryan can say anything, and Alex watches her do the stitches, eyes welled with tears.
By the fourth stitch, it’s starting to hurt more, but Ryan refuses to take stronger painkillers, hates the way it’ll make him feel afterwards. Except - then Alex takes his hand, squeezes it, and it’s worth it, everything worth it.
“Why did you do that?” Alex asks weakly, “it is so dangerous, Ryan.”
“Because,” Ryan turns away from watching the doctor put in the stitches, “I had to save Kessy.”
“But what if - there is, euh, damage? That is pern-perma-always?” Alex asks unsteadily, holds Ryan’s hand so tight. “Your career, Ryan-”
“You and Kessy are more important,” Ryan says, and maybe it’s the pain making him say things that are probably miles too obvious, but it’s true, what the fuck does he care about hockey when it’s that or having Alex watch his beloved puppy die? Alex would be ruined, and that - that’s the worst thing in the world that could happen.
“Mais,” Alex protests, but Ryan shakes his head.
“It’s true, Alex. You guys - you’re everything to me, okay? I’d do it again.”
Alex sniffles, squeezes his hand tighter and looks away as the doctor finishes the stitches. “No permanent damage,” she says, “you’re very lucky.” They’re told to wait until the antibiotics IV finishes, and she leaves the room, closes the door. Alex is looking at the long line of stitches, eyes filled with tears.
“She would - died, without you,” he says quietly, and he’s still holding Ryan’s hand, so tight.
“I couldn’t let that happen. I’m her daddy, I’m allowed to do stupid things if that’s what it takes,” Ryan says, and Alex smiles up at him, this look Ryan can’t place, knows he sees all the time.
“You are - always our hero,” Alex says, stands, and Ryan’s worried he’s going to leave, but then Alex leans over and kisses him. It’s fast and Alex is leaning back before Ryan’s had near enough, but oh, Alex really kissed him. Alex is turning pink, makes this helpless whimpering sound. “I shouldn’t-” he says unsteadily, eyes suddenly filled with so much worry. “Ryan - I’m - sorry-”
“For what?” his heart’s racing now, because that didn’t seem impulsive, it felt like - like Alex meant it, could he have? “Because if you mean kissing me, you definitely should.”
Alex’s eyes go wide, but before Ryan can worry about what he said, Alex has climbed onto his gurney and is kissing him again, purposeful and sweet, like he really, really needs Ryan, too. “I’m just always in love with you,” Alex says, “non, the word is - since? Since always? Whatever, I just - love you, Ryan, toujours, tellement, toi.”
Ryan knows all these words, even if he’s never known all this before, that it could even be possible, and he smiles up at Alex, can barely find the words himself.
“I love you,” he finally tells Alex, and it’s taken years, but he can finally say it, say it in an ER room with stitches up his arm and Alex on his lap, all the pain in the world worth this, worth Alex.
“Can we- go home now, please?” Alex nods towards the empty IV, gives Ryan a hopeful look. “Because, this time. I do not have to let you leave.” He smiles so brightly, it’s a moment before Ryan can remember how to think.
Before long, Alex can drive them home, and Ryan can’t stand how exciting it is, to know that he gets to go home with Alex, that it’s automatic, that Alex wouldn’t have it any other way. Even better is the way Alex starts kissing him as soon as they get inside, like waiting even a second longer is impossible.
“Viens,” Alex tells him, leads him by the hand to the bedroom and goes back to kissing him as soon as they’re on the bed. Alex cups Ryan’s face in his hands and kisses him gently, smiles when Ryan moans into his mouth. He squirms in closer, eases one knee between Ryan’s legs. “J’avais toujours - wanted this, you,” Alex says, this breathless voice Ryan’s never heard before, and it’s all his, just for him. “I just love you,” Alex breathes, like it’s explanation for everything, and it is, all Ryan ever needs to know. He can’t help but whimper when Alex’s hips rock against his, he’s just wanted this for so long, never thought he’d get it, and it all feels so fucking good, better than he ever thought it could.
“Alex,” he gasps out, kisses him hard, licking into his mouth needily.
“Laisse-moi,” Alex says, and then, oh, God, he’s reaching down to get Ryan’s jeans open. Ryan’s hips jerk forward at the touch, just needs Alex to be touching him, dick twitching eagerly as Alex undoes the button.
“Fuck, please, please,” he manages, panting against Alex’s neck, groans when Alex gets a hand inside his boxers and is finally touching him. “Fuck, Alex, so good, please, ah-” he moans as Alex strokes him. The two seconds it takes for Alex to push his boxers down is too long, and when Alex finally gets a hand on him again, Ryan whimpers and shoves his hips forward.
“T’es tellement - so hot, Ryan, je veux - want you, so bad,” Alex is saying, this low, needy voice that Ryan fucking loves, and he can’t handle how perfect this all is, and two seconds later he’s coming on Alex’s hand, groaning. Alex kisses him so gently, murmuring je t’aime and oh, Ryan never, never thought he’d actually have this. Alex squirms a little, shoves a hand into his own shorts, and the little whimpers he makes, Ryan could never hear that enough.
“Let me,” he says, replaces Alex’s hand with his own, and Alex gasps, hips pushing forward. Incoherent French spills from his lips and it’s not more than a minute before he comes with a moan, trembling and clinging hard to Ryan.
As incredibly good as it was, afterwards is almost better, because after cleaning them up, Alex comes back to lean over the bed to kiss him, slow, gentle.
“Can I get you something?” he asks, strokes his cheek so softly. Ryan shakes his head, can barely speak, because oh, the way Alex looks at him, so openly adoring, he can’t believe this is real. “Maybe we should order dinner, non?”
He lets Ryan pick the restaurant they order takeout from, and afterwards, they curl up in Alex’s bed to watch a movie, the way Ryan’s always wished they could. Alex makes sure he elevates his arm on a pillow and gets him painkillers before snuggling into his side.
“What should we watch?” Ryan asks, clicking through movie options.
“Anything,” Alex leans up, looks over at his arm. “Is that okay? To elevate? It is enough, non?”
“It’s good, yeah,” Ryan wants to kiss Alex every time he makes that face, adoring concern. Even better is the way Alex kisses his jaw and nuzzles against him. His phone buzzes on the nightstand, and he grabs it before curling back into Ryan’s side to answer.
“Hi!” he says brightly, “ouais, Kessy est d’accord. Tous va bien.” Ryan hears Lappy say something, and Alex talks for a while before Ryan hears his own name. “Ryan m’aime,” Alex says, so excited, and he grins up at Ryan. “Oui!”
“Kevin!” Ryan hears Lappy yell, “They finally told each other!” A moment later, Ryan’s phone is ringing in his pocket.
“If that’s Kevin-” he says as he digs it out, Alex snickering beside him.
“Motherfucking finally!” Kevin says when Ryan answers. “Dude, we were gonna stage an intervention.”
“Oh, God,” Ryan rolls his eyes.
“No, I swear. We invited you guys to dinner to do that! Because, fuck, dude, you guys. But, hey, looks like Kessy did it for us! She’s smarter than you, clearly.”
“Don’t be mean to my dog!”
“I think I was being mean to you, actually,” Kevin laughs, “but hey, congrats, finally. Took you guys long enough.”
“Yeah, well.” Ryan smiles down at Alex. Alex is off the phone now, leans up to kiss his cheek. “I gotta go, see you.”
“Have fun with Alex,” Kevin says, and he’s still laughing when Ryan hangs up on him.
“I told Lappy how you saved Kessy,” Alex tells him, kisses him again, lingering. “Me and Kessy, we are so lucky to have you. Tu l’as sauvé, it was so brave. T’es le meilleur, the best, Ryan, so much.”
Ryan just loves this, he’ll get attacked by a Rottweiler anytime if this is what he gets for it, but - but oh, this is his now, Alex loves him, and this, all this perfection, this is his. They spend the evening watching a movie, Alex cuddled in against him and fussing over him and kissing him, and even as he’s falling asleep hours later, Ryan’s still amazed that this is his.
They get to pick up Kessy in the morning, and she wags her tail at the sight of them, yipping and licking them both.
“She really is okay,” Alex cradles her against his chest, “you’re so strong, Kessy, ma petit, et voila, Daddy’s here too,” he passes her to Ryan while he does the sign-out paperwork.
“Hi, princess,” Ryan coos as she licks him. She falls asleep on his lap before they even get home, wakes up only to fall back asleep with Ryan sits with her on the couch.
“She’ll be so happy that you don’t leave now,” Alex says when he comes into the living room with a pillow, carefully helps Ryan prop his arm up on it. “And,” Alex comes to sit beside him, leans over to kiss him, and Ryan’s probably never going to get over how much he loves that, going to go breathless every time. “I am, too.”
“I always hated leaving,” Ryan says. Kessy lifts her head, looks up and whines.
“Oh,” Alex pets her, rubs her ears the way she likes, “don’t worry, he’s not leaving.” He kisses the top of her head, and she licks his cheek, seems more convinced now. “He’s not doing that anymore, he’s staying with us.” He smiles up at Ryan brilliantly, “where he belongs.”
Ryan can barely believe this can be his, but that’s okay, because Alex is going to be here every day, always in love with him, always wanting him, always proving that somehow, impossibly, Ryan really does have everything he wants. This really is his place, here with his little family, and this is where he gets to stay, right where he belongs.
Lappy/Kevin companion fic here!