so how can it be this lonely?

[icanread0]

i wish i could talk to at least someone completely uninhibited.
for me, there are things i want to "hide" from everyone.
the thing changes based on who it is, but the core is the same.
i feel more uninhibited around some more than others, but i still feel inhibited to some degree with everyone.

a counselor?
i've considered it.
why do i need to pay someone to feel uninhibited in a conversation?
surely i have people who care about me but i just don't feel comfortable saying certain things to them.
and they are the things i need to say.

how does one ever know what one wants? things have happened that i didn't think i wanted, which after happening - i realized it is better. things i thought i really wanted have not worked out and it has been for the better too. i feel like only me would know what i want, but then these things happen and i question if i ever really know what i want anyways.

i interpret things a million different ways and can find meaning in things that are meaningless.
my reading comprehension suffers because of this.