[Ongoing] Maybe Forever - Ohmiya (Chapter 14)
Maybe Forever | Ongoing | Chapter 14 | Angst. Drama | PG-15 | beta by : asdfghjklalala (thank you ^.^)
Disclaimer: nope. I don't own Ohno or Nino or Jun or Arashi. they belongs to themselves. no profit taken from this, except for some stress reliever.
CHAPTER 14.
It wasn’t easy to leave Nino when Ohno knew there wasn’t much time left to convince how much he loves him the way he deserved it long ago.
Five months of spending time together wasn’t short. Within those time too, he learned the man’s quality as he reminisce their past, regretting every single moment he lost when he tossed the man away.
“I forgive you-” Nino had said the last time he met the man. He sounded so weak, but Ohno noticed how serious he was when he spoke. “It’s best this way. It’s best for you to leave now, so you don’t have to see another loved one leaving you.”
He didn’t surrender to the man’s request at first, telling Nino how ridiculous he sounded. But Nino insisted. Every single time he came to visit the man, it’s either the nurse or the doctor stopping him from entering the man’s room.
He gave up.
He couldn’t stop blaming himself for everything that has happened. Even when Nino, who was hurt by his doing keep assuring him that he was right for his own decision.
“I’m sorry I keep blaming you after all this time.” Nino had said.
“but-“
“No buts Ohno-san. Everyone says so. A guy is for a girl and not with another guy. For that reason too, it was my own fault. For hoping too much.”
“But it’s not-“
“I just- don’t want to see you. Ever again. Could you at least do that for me, Ohno-san?”
“Kazu-“
“I forgive you. I had forgiven you. So please. Please-“
He opened his 3rd can of beer that night. Perhaps, he cried all his tears out that nothing comes out of his eyes anymore, yet heavy feelings still linger inside his chest. The silence that filled the house made it even surreal, telling him again and again how he had made a mistake for his whole life. But then, was marrying Miyuki a fault too?
As he closed his eyes, Miyuki’s smiling face appeared alternately with Nino’s. It has been a long time since he saw that kind of sincere smile on the man’s face. That smile that he stolen away from Nino long time ago and never got the chance to return it back.
He wished he could. He really wished for it. But how could he when it was Nino who pushed him away?
Even until the end of the man’s life, he will still be the man’s sorrow.
The thought lingered inside his mind as he was drove to sleep.
*
That night, he received a call and it was from someone he less expected to.
“Oh-chan,” it was the first time since they met again that Nino called him with that name. his heart skipped a beat.
For a brief second, it was silent in the other line. Ohno was worried. Until he heard a hiccup, it felt like something had stab him hard inside his chest.
“That moment you decided to marry Mii-chan- Oh-chan, it wasn’t a mistake. She’s wonderful. I always understand why you chose her over me.” Nino’s voice sounded so weak, so fragile as if he’s going to break soon.
He felt hope. It felt like dream, something that he had been dreaming of. But then, hearing Nino’s weak voice, slowly it turned into a nightmare that he’s been trying to wake up from. However, that voice made him stay, knowing how one simple response from him could bring so much strength for the man.
“Oh-chan--” Nino called him again, his voice shivered at the point of breaking.
“Kazu--” he replied soft, trying so hard to fight that big lump inside his throat to keep talking to man. “What’s wrong, kazu?”
“I’m afraid,” a sob left the man’s mouth.
“Why?”
“I’ve been afraid of too many things. I’m afraid to fight this stupid disease because I’m afraid that nothing will wait for me in the future.”
Ohno kept on silent, listening to the man.
“I’m afraid to give anyone a chance because I’m afraid that I’ll prove myself wrong. I’m afraid that whatever believe I had on true love, never really existed. I’m so afraid of that.”
“Kazu-“
“Then there’s you. The one who I’m always afraid that I’ll fall for again.” Nino stopped. From the end of the line, Ohno could hear how he sobbed again. Words seem clogged inside his throat. Still he fought for it, even though he choked on his first few words.
“But the word ‘again’ wasn’t right-”
Nino paused. Ohno could feel how his heart skipped a beat, the heavy feeling inside his chest grew even heavier.
“Because I never stop loving you.”
One line from the man, Ohno felt his world stopping. This man, who has been in love with him since years ago, hoping for the best outcome from his loyalty and got nothing returned. This man was going to leave him forever, yet here he was, being so hopeless without an effort, surrendering to the man’s request.
Nino didn’t have anyone else, yet here he was, regretting his past when he could make some change for his future.
“Nino…” once again, he called the man. But again, Nino cut him.
“Oh-chan, I don’t want to die.” Nino said in between his sobs, “What should I do?”
There seems to be a big lump inside his throat. His tears, without warning fell and it didn’t stop when the regret he felt grew inside him. It was silent at the other line, but Ohno knew how the man was crying silently, hands probably was gripping tight on the phone.
“I’m coming over, Nino.” He said, choking his words, “wait for me?”
Nino didn’t reply to this. Still, Ohno choose to care less about it. Even if the man pushed him away, this time, he will never leave.
As he reached the ward, slowly a smile crept on Nino’s face. Words weren’t needed for Ohno to know how the man was happy to see him. Still, realizing how he won’t had enough time, he couldn’t do the same. He couldn’t smile back at Nino.
All he did was taking Nino into his embrace, driving them both to sleep along with some hope that everything will be fine for them.
*
“Can’t you do anything about it?” Ohno asked, desperation was shown in his voice.
His hand gripping Nino’s as if trying to tell the man that everything’s going to be fine when he himself knew that the only thing he could hope for now was a miracle.
He took Nino back to his house the next day since the phone call. While it made him glad watching Nino to show some cooperation towards him, it saddened him watching how by days passed, the man’s health started to deteriorate.
But he refused to give up. He wanted to believe while the man was alive he still has the chance to change their fate.
“I’m sorry Ohno-san. But your bone marrow is not compatible with Ninomiya-san. I’m afraid, we can’t do anything about it.”
“What about other donor?” Ohno asked. Still, the doctor shook her head.
“As for now, we couldn’t find one. Under this condition, Ninomiya-san, the only thing we can suggest you is chemo-“
“No,” Nino shook his head. There’s no sign of giving up shown in his voice, but Ohno couldn’t find any hope in the way he said it either. “No chemo. I’ve decided it long ago.”
His stare was empty. But that was his decision. Despite the look that the doctor gave him, he choose to stick to his one choice and he made it clear once again that he won’t change it.
They left the doctors room and once again, Ohno gave up.
The way home felt so long with none of them speaking a word. Both of them were way too absorbed with what they’re doing, with Ohno driving and Nino appreciating the changing scenery through the car’s window, silently enjoying the soft instrumental from the radio.
But then, as the time passed, they couldn’t ignore it any longer. Ohno decided to speak something
“Nino-“
“I don’t want to give up, Oh-chan.” Nino cut him, his lips trying to form a sincere smile but failed. “I really don’t want to. Especially when I start to believe that you...”
Nino’s words left hanging there. No matter how convincing his words were, Ohno knew, Nino was in doubt to say so, his ego was.
“I do love you, Nino. I really do.”
“Between her and me, who do you love more, Oh-chan?” Nino asked, a hint of challenge was heard in his tone. But before Ohno could answered it, Nino laughed. A sincere one that it make Ohno to chuckled bitterly.
“You can’t choose, don’t you?” Ohno shrugged. “That is enough for me.”
“No Nino. It’s not because I don’t have the answer to that question. Spending my time with you, it makes me thinking about a lot of things. One of it is this.”
Nino raised amusing eyebrows. Noticed this, Ohno continued.
“I came to a conclusion though”
“Hmm?”
“I love you so much. So much that I started to regret my past. I love you so much that I started to regret my marriage with-“
“Oh-chan, that-“
“-so much that I started to regret loving her instead of you-“
“Satoshi-” Nino stopped him, grabbing his hand. Ohno did stop from talking but Nino did notice how the man was shaking, trying so hard from crying out loud.
Everything that he had said overwhelm him that as they arrived at the parking lot, Ohno didn’t held back, letting go every bit of his regrets by his tears, buried his face on the steering wheel in front him. It was indeed too much for him.
“You know Satoshi,” Nino spoke after a while of silent. “On the day I met you in New York, my doctor told me this. She said that I’ll need to learn to appreciate every single moment in my life. Enjoy it as much as I can.”
Slowly, Ohno raised up his face to take a look at the man’s face. Nino was smiling at him. So beautiful that Ohno refused to take his sight away from the man.
“Kazu-“
“I can’t enjoy my life if you don’t enjoy it too, Satoshi. Will you do me a favour? One last favour perhaps?”
It took them a brief moment of silence, until Ohno nodded, chuckling as he kissed the man soft on the his temple.
He helped Nino into the house. Every step made was with care, supporting the man even though Nino didn’t need it. Once again the house filled with laughter when Ohno made a stupid joke, making Nino to snort annoyingly at first, before laughing over his silliness.
That kind of happiness on Nino’s face, his heart skipped a bit when he watched it.
At the same time, he regretted it for not getting it from years ago, when he still had a lot of time with the man.
He put the blanket over the man’s body, kissing him tenderly on the man’s forehead once again. But before he could leave, Nino’s hand stopped him, yanking him hard that he tripped onto the man. For once, Ohno groaned, whining his wrist pain when he landed, but when he saw that red shade on Nino’s cheeks, he couldn’t help but be breathless.
So beautiful, his mind thought as his finger trailed along Nino’s face. He leaned in, having no hesitation in his move when he started to kiss Nino on his lips.
They’re running out of time. Yet, they took their time with the kiss, sweetly moaning each other’s name in between every breath.
Having their lips brushed against each other, Nino whispered, pulling Ohno towards him even more.
“Make love to me, Satoshi.” Nino had said. So longing, so desperately wanted to be love.
A drop of tears fell on the man’s cheek when he kissed the man again, fulfilling Nino’s wish.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
a/n : thanks to the Ohmiya hogwarts dream I had last week that it help me escaping from this stupid writer block. umm well, i made a fic about that dream and so far, four person (?) have read it and... i'm happy with their reaction. maybe i'll crossposted it later here in LJ (i shared via LINE)
next chapter. beta-san, yoroshiku ne~~
Disclaimer: nope. I don't own Ohno or Nino or Jun or Arashi. they belongs to themselves. no profit taken from this, except for some stress reliever.
CHAPTER 14.
It wasn’t easy to leave Nino when Ohno knew there wasn’t much time left to convince how much he loves him the way he deserved it long ago.
Five months of spending time together wasn’t short. Within those time too, he learned the man’s quality as he reminisce their past, regretting every single moment he lost when he tossed the man away.
“I forgive you-” Nino had said the last time he met the man. He sounded so weak, but Ohno noticed how serious he was when he spoke. “It’s best this way. It’s best for you to leave now, so you don’t have to see another loved one leaving you.”
He didn’t surrender to the man’s request at first, telling Nino how ridiculous he sounded. But Nino insisted. Every single time he came to visit the man, it’s either the nurse or the doctor stopping him from entering the man’s room.
He gave up.
He couldn’t stop blaming himself for everything that has happened. Even when Nino, who was hurt by his doing keep assuring him that he was right for his own decision.
“I’m sorry I keep blaming you after all this time.” Nino had said.
“but-“
“No buts Ohno-san. Everyone says so. A guy is for a girl and not with another guy. For that reason too, it was my own fault. For hoping too much.”
“But it’s not-“
“I just- don’t want to see you. Ever again. Could you at least do that for me, Ohno-san?”
“Kazu-“
“I forgive you. I had forgiven you. So please. Please-“
He opened his 3rd can of beer that night. Perhaps, he cried all his tears out that nothing comes out of his eyes anymore, yet heavy feelings still linger inside his chest. The silence that filled the house made it even surreal, telling him again and again how he had made a mistake for his whole life. But then, was marrying Miyuki a fault too?
As he closed his eyes, Miyuki’s smiling face appeared alternately with Nino’s. It has been a long time since he saw that kind of sincere smile on the man’s face. That smile that he stolen away from Nino long time ago and never got the chance to return it back.
He wished he could. He really wished for it. But how could he when it was Nino who pushed him away?
Even until the end of the man’s life, he will still be the man’s sorrow.
The thought lingered inside his mind as he was drove to sleep.
*
That night, he received a call and it was from someone he less expected to.
“Oh-chan,” it was the first time since they met again that Nino called him with that name. his heart skipped a beat.
For a brief second, it was silent in the other line. Ohno was worried. Until he heard a hiccup, it felt like something had stab him hard inside his chest.
“That moment you decided to marry Mii-chan- Oh-chan, it wasn’t a mistake. She’s wonderful. I always understand why you chose her over me.” Nino’s voice sounded so weak, so fragile as if he’s going to break soon.
He felt hope. It felt like dream, something that he had been dreaming of. But then, hearing Nino’s weak voice, slowly it turned into a nightmare that he’s been trying to wake up from. However, that voice made him stay, knowing how one simple response from him could bring so much strength for the man.
“Oh-chan--” Nino called him again, his voice shivered at the point of breaking.
“Kazu--” he replied soft, trying so hard to fight that big lump inside his throat to keep talking to man. “What’s wrong, kazu?”
“I’m afraid,” a sob left the man’s mouth.
“Why?”
“I’ve been afraid of too many things. I’m afraid to fight this stupid disease because I’m afraid that nothing will wait for me in the future.”
Ohno kept on silent, listening to the man.
“I’m afraid to give anyone a chance because I’m afraid that I’ll prove myself wrong. I’m afraid that whatever believe I had on true love, never really existed. I’m so afraid of that.”
“Kazu-“
“Then there’s you. The one who I’m always afraid that I’ll fall for again.” Nino stopped. From the end of the line, Ohno could hear how he sobbed again. Words seem clogged inside his throat. Still he fought for it, even though he choked on his first few words.
“But the word ‘again’ wasn’t right-”
Nino paused. Ohno could feel how his heart skipped a beat, the heavy feeling inside his chest grew even heavier.
“Because I never stop loving you.”
One line from the man, Ohno felt his world stopping. This man, who has been in love with him since years ago, hoping for the best outcome from his loyalty and got nothing returned. This man was going to leave him forever, yet here he was, being so hopeless without an effort, surrendering to the man’s request.
Nino didn’t have anyone else, yet here he was, regretting his past when he could make some change for his future.
“Nino…” once again, he called the man. But again, Nino cut him.
“Oh-chan, I don’t want to die.” Nino said in between his sobs, “What should I do?”
There seems to be a big lump inside his throat. His tears, without warning fell and it didn’t stop when the regret he felt grew inside him. It was silent at the other line, but Ohno knew how the man was crying silently, hands probably was gripping tight on the phone.
“I’m coming over, Nino.” He said, choking his words, “wait for me?”
Nino didn’t reply to this. Still, Ohno choose to care less about it. Even if the man pushed him away, this time, he will never leave.
As he reached the ward, slowly a smile crept on Nino’s face. Words weren’t needed for Ohno to know how the man was happy to see him. Still, realizing how he won’t had enough time, he couldn’t do the same. He couldn’t smile back at Nino.
All he did was taking Nino into his embrace, driving them both to sleep along with some hope that everything will be fine for them.
*
“Can’t you do anything about it?” Ohno asked, desperation was shown in his voice.
His hand gripping Nino’s as if trying to tell the man that everything’s going to be fine when he himself knew that the only thing he could hope for now was a miracle.
He took Nino back to his house the next day since the phone call. While it made him glad watching Nino to show some cooperation towards him, it saddened him watching how by days passed, the man’s health started to deteriorate.
But he refused to give up. He wanted to believe while the man was alive he still has the chance to change their fate.
“I’m sorry Ohno-san. But your bone marrow is not compatible with Ninomiya-san. I’m afraid, we can’t do anything about it.”
“What about other donor?” Ohno asked. Still, the doctor shook her head.
“As for now, we couldn’t find one. Under this condition, Ninomiya-san, the only thing we can suggest you is chemo-“
“No,” Nino shook his head. There’s no sign of giving up shown in his voice, but Ohno couldn’t find any hope in the way he said it either. “No chemo. I’ve decided it long ago.”
His stare was empty. But that was his decision. Despite the look that the doctor gave him, he choose to stick to his one choice and he made it clear once again that he won’t change it.
They left the doctors room and once again, Ohno gave up.
The way home felt so long with none of them speaking a word. Both of them were way too absorbed with what they’re doing, with Ohno driving and Nino appreciating the changing scenery through the car’s window, silently enjoying the soft instrumental from the radio.
But then, as the time passed, they couldn’t ignore it any longer. Ohno decided to speak something
“Nino-“
“I don’t want to give up, Oh-chan.” Nino cut him, his lips trying to form a sincere smile but failed. “I really don’t want to. Especially when I start to believe that you...”
Nino’s words left hanging there. No matter how convincing his words were, Ohno knew, Nino was in doubt to say so, his ego was.
“I do love you, Nino. I really do.”
“Between her and me, who do you love more, Oh-chan?” Nino asked, a hint of challenge was heard in his tone. But before Ohno could answered it, Nino laughed. A sincere one that it make Ohno to chuckled bitterly.
“You can’t choose, don’t you?” Ohno shrugged. “That is enough for me.”
“No Nino. It’s not because I don’t have the answer to that question. Spending my time with you, it makes me thinking about a lot of things. One of it is this.”
Nino raised amusing eyebrows. Noticed this, Ohno continued.
“I came to a conclusion though”
“Hmm?”
“I love you so much. So much that I started to regret my past. I love you so much that I started to regret my marriage with-“
“Oh-chan, that-“
“-so much that I started to regret loving her instead of you-“
“Satoshi-” Nino stopped him, grabbing his hand. Ohno did stop from talking but Nino did notice how the man was shaking, trying so hard from crying out loud.
Everything that he had said overwhelm him that as they arrived at the parking lot, Ohno didn’t held back, letting go every bit of his regrets by his tears, buried his face on the steering wheel in front him. It was indeed too much for him.
“You know Satoshi,” Nino spoke after a while of silent. “On the day I met you in New York, my doctor told me this. She said that I’ll need to learn to appreciate every single moment in my life. Enjoy it as much as I can.”
Slowly, Ohno raised up his face to take a look at the man’s face. Nino was smiling at him. So beautiful that Ohno refused to take his sight away from the man.
“Kazu-“
“I can’t enjoy my life if you don’t enjoy it too, Satoshi. Will you do me a favour? One last favour perhaps?”
It took them a brief moment of silence, until Ohno nodded, chuckling as he kissed the man soft on the his temple.
He helped Nino into the house. Every step made was with care, supporting the man even though Nino didn’t need it. Once again the house filled with laughter when Ohno made a stupid joke, making Nino to snort annoyingly at first, before laughing over his silliness.
That kind of happiness on Nino’s face, his heart skipped a bit when he watched it.
At the same time, he regretted it for not getting it from years ago, when he still had a lot of time with the man.
He put the blanket over the man’s body, kissing him tenderly on the man’s forehead once again. But before he could leave, Nino’s hand stopped him, yanking him hard that he tripped onto the man. For once, Ohno groaned, whining his wrist pain when he landed, but when he saw that red shade on Nino’s cheeks, he couldn’t help but be breathless.
So beautiful, his mind thought as his finger trailed along Nino’s face. He leaned in, having no hesitation in his move when he started to kiss Nino on his lips.
They’re running out of time. Yet, they took their time with the kiss, sweetly moaning each other’s name in between every breath.
Having their lips brushed against each other, Nino whispered, pulling Ohno towards him even more.
“Make love to me, Satoshi.” Nino had said. So longing, so desperately wanted to be love.
A drop of tears fell on the man’s cheek when he kissed the man again, fulfilling Nino’s wish.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
a/n : thanks to the Ohmiya hogwarts dream I had last week that it help me escaping from this stupid writer block. umm well, i made a fic about that dream and so far, four person (?) have read it and... i'm happy with their reaction. maybe i'll crossposted it later here in LJ (i shared via LINE)
next chapter. beta-san, yoroshiku ne~~