[ongoing] Break (4/5) - Sakuraiba
Title: Break (4/5)
Author: ica_90
Pairing: (main) Sakuraiba, Arashi (friendship)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst. Will change…
Summary: a rumor breaks them.
Disclaimer: Johnny owns everything. Yeah. *rolleyes*
Note: for Sho birthday.
Aiba didn’t send Nino off the next day. The gamer spend his night in his house last night, talking, joking about their life. All the memories from before resurface in their conversation.
Aiba decided before. The moment he stepped out from the JE building, he ‘removes’ every single thing that relates him to the idol title. He left his apartment that very same night, letting the moving company to do their job after he packed all the things he needed and want to keep. He spends his night alone in the cheap hotel, ignoring all the calls from the members, not one from Sho. And by the next day, he decided to stop the service from using that number before left for Chiba.
It brings pain to think that he once was a member of a popular idol group, surrounds by a best friend he had in his life. But one tiny steps, change his whole life. Hence he decided to not knowing or care anything related to Arashi anymore.
But last night, Aiba regretted what he had decided years ago.
No matter how hard he tried to deviates their conversation from across the topic, Nino will definitely lead them to talk about it. At first Aiba was annoyed. But Nino knows him for too long. He knows how to deal with the man.
“You know that you’re selfish right,” Aiba shrugged, trying to ignore the younger man. Refused to further up the topic, he lay down on his bed, ignoring Nino who’s been staring at him hoping for an answer. And then, he heard the gamer’s sigh, causing him to lay on his sigh, facing the gamer.
“I know. but isn’t that the best? I mean, that time, I’m sure nothing you can’t turn it back,”
“only if you answer that call, you will know that you can turn it back to the right way,” Aiba pouted. No matter how hard he tries, he just couldn’t make it into a proper sense of whatever Nino has said. he was asked to quit. And knowing how those peoples at JE works, there’s no possible way that they’ll take back their words after they have said it.
“I know it is hard to believe, but Aiba-san…” Nino puts his hand on Aiba’s. “it’s not you’re alone who suffer when this thing happened. All of us are. And I know it’s hard for you to believe, but Sho-san suffers more,”
Aiba laughed.
“you’re joking,” is what he said as his laugh stopped abruptly, replaced by the serious expression on his face.
Nino shook his head. Not once in his head has the idea that Aiba change this much. his once soft personality change to one hard man to understand.
“more than 50 calls that night. not even one from him. and you told me he’s suffering? You’re funny,” Aiba said before he turns to lay to another side, his back facing Nino.
He heard the gamer make a ‘tsk’ sound, probably giving up on explaining. Just when he thoughts that Nino won’t speak anymore words, he felts the pressure as the gamer sit on his bed.
“I just hope you to stop being stubborn and open your heart to listen to our story. Most importantly, Sho-san’s,”
He sighs.
Nino partly tells him part of the stories though last night, but there’re hole somewhere in the story he told. No matter how much Aiba tries to make it one complete story, there’s still something that was left untold. The more he thinks about it, it makes him furious as hell. It feels like they keep putting the whole blame on him.
Furious, he flips open the board of their shop, putting it recklessly infront of the shop, cursing when it falls hitting his leg. He was about to make it stand again, when a hand helping him doing it. he turns to his right to take a look at the man who’s helping him earlier.
His eyes widen.
“Sho-san…” Sho flinches as he heard his name from the man’s mouth.
***
“Sho-chan, do you think this fits me?”
“sho-chan, let’s go dinner,”
“do you think that we can go even further than this Sho-chan? because I’m afraid of something that will be done halfway, ”
Every conversation they made while they’re still together as Arashi resurfaces, bringing the pain to his chest. Sho-chan this, Sho-chan that. they’re so close. Even from before, Sho always had the feeling of afraid to lose the man. But he was too blind to see his own feeling towards him.
He always thought that he loved the man as friend. That thought of afraid of losing Aiba is normal as they’re bestfriend. He was wrong. He loves the man. Just he never know. just when he knows it, it just too late for him. the man hates him, despite there’s love or care shown in Aiba’s eyes if he has to describe, whenever they made an eye contact.
Sho drives aimlessly in silent with Aiba sitting next to him. Same as him, the man was lip tight, refuse to talk even a word. The last one he did was calling him by the name.
Sho-san, it feels so strange when he heard that from the man’s mouth.
"Are you going to drive until your petrol ran out and we stop somewhere that no one can help us?" aiba suddenly speaks causing sho to startle a little bit. He tightens his grip on the steering, trying to keep focus on his driving.
"that's gonna takes hundred miles. Infact, more than that," sho tries to joke. It fails indeed. He takes a glance at the man next to him who didn't show any kind of expression.
Sho sighs.
"i miss you," he says a matter of fact.but again, aiba shows no respond.
"i know you're mad at me. It's ok if you don't want to talk to me, but i hope that at least you give me chance to explain to you,"
"There’s nothing to be explain, sho-san," aiba retorts. "You make yourself clear last time. I'm not that stupid to understand,"
"aiba-chan..."
"Don’t. It's enough,"
Silent.
"ok..." sho sighs. "But can you do me a favor?"
Aiba didn't replies.
"Just, can we spend our time like last time? I've reserved the beach like last time,"
Aiba rolls his eyes.
***
It takes sho a few tries to excite the younger one before Aiba went 100% excited and started to hype like the one he knows since their junior days. They play again the sumo tube and do all the silly things they did last time.
"haaahh it's so fun," aiba says as he won the sumo tube game.
"It’s unfair," sho says, messing up his already mess wet hair. "You push me,"
"i'm not. You're the one who's suck in this game," aiba laughs causing sho to smile watching the man.
"Whatever," sho fakes a sulking tone. Aiba laughs while pinchung the man's cheek.
"Don’t sulk. Your chipmunk face was obvious," Aiba tease causing the older man to pout before it turns to a widest grin.
He misses looking at Aiba, miss the man's smiles. It always soothing to him. It can’t be help that he end up staring at the younger man the whole time they were together.
Aiba who notices Sho who's staring at him avoid the gaze.
They keep silent while enjoying the hotspring.
Sho indeed is repeating their 'date' before. The one that Aiba plan with the HnA staff for him. But he's not sure if Aiba really happy about this today.
"aiba-chan," he calls the man for his attention. Aiba looks at him.
"Hmm??"
"Is... Umm... Are you happy today?”
Aiba didn’t answer straight away. Instead, he sighs staring at the endless sky.
“Did something happen to you when I was away?” Sho widen his eyes hearing Aiba’s question.
“A lot things happen, Aiba-chan. Arashi went hiatus, everyone…”
“nino told me about everyone, Sho-san. You don’t have to repeat it. Besides, you’re not answering my question,” Aiba cuts him from continuing his words. He saw how sho was startle by his action. Slowly he approaches the man, closing their distance.
“I miss you, Aiba-chan,” Sho says but was ignored by the younger man. Before Sho could know, Aiba has been stared at the man’s chest, there’s scar at the man’s left chest. Aiba doesn’t realize it, but the next thing he do is his finger was trailing the scar on the man’s chest.
“Last time I see you, I’m sure there’s none,” Aiba speaks after a while, causing Sho to back off a little. but Aiba decides to be persistent. He sure, this must be something that what Nino has been begging him to listen since last night. Something that must be related to him. He pulls the man to face him.
“Tell me, Sho-chan,” Sho bites his lower lip.
***
SHO POV
The moment I see him leaving, my heart aches. He leaved. None of us could believe that when all of us know how much he loves Arashi. But he just leaves, not even turn to take a look at us back. The last gaze he gave me was cold, it send shivers all over my body.
I want to tell him I’m sorry. It’s unfair for what had happened. He’s not the only one to be blame when I was another part of the scandal. It happens so fast, that no one can stop and when it stops, it’s just too late.
Johnny-san was furious that evening. Saying stuff like ‘undecided’, ‘tolerate’, ‘arashi is different’. I could only laugh silently. In the end, he decided that no matter what happened, Aiba will stay. And by the very next day, the story seems to be like never exist. No one talk about it, it was left quiet. But Aiba never come back to us.
I still remember that night, the moment Johnny-san announce his decision to keep Aiba-chan with us, Nino rushes out of our greenroom, with his phone on his ears. I could feel that he was trying to call Aiba. I see the other three who’s doing the same before cursing as the can’t get through the line.
I fished out my phone from my pocket, scrolling the phone number list before I found Aiba number. I was about to press the call button when suddenly Jun stops me.
“Sho-san, don’t!” I look at him, his face looks furious, but I know he tries so much to keep calm while telling me his next word. “You know there’s no possible way…”
“He will pick up my call,” I finished his words. “I know.”
The room suddenly went quiet. I lower my head and I could see both Jun and Oh-chan keeps on trying to call the man but fail.
“The tone is ringing, but he didn’t pick up the call,” I heard nino spoke to the other two. Jun ruffled his hair.
If only I could help. But I know there’s no possible way. Not when I was part of the scandal. I was the one causing all of this to happen. Both of us are in the same condition, guilty for ruining Arashi’s name. The only different is they decided to keep me, but not him. Having all those thought, I know there’s no possible way he will pick up my call.
“It’s better for the two of you to talk. I know…” Jun suddenly speak before he took his seat next to me on the sofa. “But, he’s too angry right now. I think you should give him sometimes. Let him cool down first,”
“I agree,” nino supported Jun’s earlier words. “We know he won’t be mad for long. Let’s wait,”
And we did. After numerous call from all of them that night, we stop, in hope that we’ll be able to get reach him by the next day.
But we’re wrong. The next day, the calls just no longer get through. The number was no longer in use, and the moment Nino went to his house, it was emptied.
I was devastated. The thought that Arashi will have to continue as four hunting me every single day. It was the worst. As worst as my realization about my own feeling towards you.
At first I thought it was just a sense of guilt, I hurt you and I keep convincing the pain I feel in my heart is because my thought of losing my own best friend. But after a week, I feel something lost. The soothing feeling I always feel whenever he was around no longer there.
“You’re just confuse,” Nino said when I talk to him about itafter a few month bearing the feeling inside me by myself. I could feel that he was annoyed to me. “I mean, you push him off when he kissed you that time right?”
I nod.
“See. If you love him, you won’t do that. And you’ll do something to prevent him from leaving. But you’re not. He leaves and no matter how many time I went to his family’s shop, he refuse to meet me. If he already made his decision, you should make yours too,” Nino nags.
“But…” I want to protest. But Nino just cut me off.
“Look. Sho-san. If you really love him, shouldn’t you make everything clear for the two of you? you’re not making any effort. Go there. if you make some effort, who knows a miracle could occur to the two of you,”
“I don’t think so,” a voice from the door startles the two of us. Jun came in with a tabloid newspaper on his hand. He throws it on the table before one big headline shown on the first place.
“Aiba Masaki to get married,”
I didn’t read the whole news though. But I could see some of the words printed on the newspaper, something about going into the jewelers shop and went out with a bag possibly contains the engagement rings.
“If he already made his decision, you should make yours too,” nino’s words echoed in my head.
“Maybe you guys should continue as four. We can’t contact him, and you say so Ninomiya-san. He refuses to see all of us. Let’s assume he’s beginning a new life,”
“NO!” I snap. The woman has made her mistake once regarding us. I don’t want another mistake by her. “I’ll think of something,”
I take my stuff, leaving the room. I need to see the man. To clear the mess between the two of us. to save the precious thing to the five of us. Arashi is five. It won’t work as four. And I need him in my life. as someone who’ll always be by my side. Someone for me to love and be loved in return.
I drove my car to Chiba that night.
Maybe I was overthink. Maybe my head was mess up. I press the pedal until the meter reach more than the limit stated on the road.
The thought of Aiba getting married with someone disturbed my focus on my driving. Hence I decided to stop by the road side to calm me down before driving again.
But the thing that I didn’t notice was a trailer park by the road side, probably of emergency. I don’t know.
The next thing I know is I woke up with the smell of the medicine inside the room. I feel the pain at my chest, which later was explained by the doctor that an iron road stab my chest during the accident. I was unconscious for more than two week.
I laugh at myself when the members tell me it was just a rumors made up by the tabloid. How stupid of me to believe all the rumors.
But yesterday, the rumors that I keep convince me as not true; he tell it with his own mouth.
Maybe that was the punishment for hurting him before.
__________________________________________________________________________
last part gonna be updated on Sho's birthday
Author: ica_90
Pairing: (main) Sakuraiba, Arashi (friendship)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst. Will change…
Summary: a rumor breaks them.
Disclaimer: Johnny owns everything. Yeah. *rolleyes*
Note: for Sho birthday.
Aiba didn’t send Nino off the next day. The gamer spend his night in his house last night, talking, joking about their life. All the memories from before resurface in their conversation.
Aiba decided before. The moment he stepped out from the JE building, he ‘removes’ every single thing that relates him to the idol title. He left his apartment that very same night, letting the moving company to do their job after he packed all the things he needed and want to keep. He spends his night alone in the cheap hotel, ignoring all the calls from the members, not one from Sho. And by the next day, he decided to stop the service from using that number before left for Chiba.
It brings pain to think that he once was a member of a popular idol group, surrounds by a best friend he had in his life. But one tiny steps, change his whole life. Hence he decided to not knowing or care anything related to Arashi anymore.
But last night, Aiba regretted what he had decided years ago.
No matter how hard he tried to deviates their conversation from across the topic, Nino will definitely lead them to talk about it. At first Aiba was annoyed. But Nino knows him for too long. He knows how to deal with the man.
“You know that you’re selfish right,” Aiba shrugged, trying to ignore the younger man. Refused to further up the topic, he lay down on his bed, ignoring Nino who’s been staring at him hoping for an answer. And then, he heard the gamer’s sigh, causing him to lay on his sigh, facing the gamer.
“I know. but isn’t that the best? I mean, that time, I’m sure nothing you can’t turn it back,”
“only if you answer that call, you will know that you can turn it back to the right way,” Aiba pouted. No matter how hard he tries, he just couldn’t make it into a proper sense of whatever Nino has said. he was asked to quit. And knowing how those peoples at JE works, there’s no possible way that they’ll take back their words after they have said it.
“I know it is hard to believe, but Aiba-san…” Nino puts his hand on Aiba’s. “it’s not you’re alone who suffer when this thing happened. All of us are. And I know it’s hard for you to believe, but Sho-san suffers more,”
Aiba laughed.
“you’re joking,” is what he said as his laugh stopped abruptly, replaced by the serious expression on his face.
Nino shook his head. Not once in his head has the idea that Aiba change this much. his once soft personality change to one hard man to understand.
“more than 50 calls that night. not even one from him. and you told me he’s suffering? You’re funny,” Aiba said before he turns to lay to another side, his back facing Nino.
He heard the gamer make a ‘tsk’ sound, probably giving up on explaining. Just when he thoughts that Nino won’t speak anymore words, he felts the pressure as the gamer sit on his bed.
“I just hope you to stop being stubborn and open your heart to listen to our story. Most importantly, Sho-san’s,”
He sighs.
Nino partly tells him part of the stories though last night, but there’re hole somewhere in the story he told. No matter how much Aiba tries to make it one complete story, there’s still something that was left untold. The more he thinks about it, it makes him furious as hell. It feels like they keep putting the whole blame on him.
Furious, he flips open the board of their shop, putting it recklessly infront of the shop, cursing when it falls hitting his leg. He was about to make it stand again, when a hand helping him doing it. he turns to his right to take a look at the man who’s helping him earlier.
His eyes widen.
“Sho-san…” Sho flinches as he heard his name from the man’s mouth.
***
“Sho-chan, do you think this fits me?”
“sho-chan, let’s go dinner,”
“do you think that we can go even further than this Sho-chan? because I’m afraid of something that will be done halfway, ”
Every conversation they made while they’re still together as Arashi resurfaces, bringing the pain to his chest. Sho-chan this, Sho-chan that. they’re so close. Even from before, Sho always had the feeling of afraid to lose the man. But he was too blind to see his own feeling towards him.
He always thought that he loved the man as friend. That thought of afraid of losing Aiba is normal as they’re bestfriend. He was wrong. He loves the man. Just he never know. just when he knows it, it just too late for him. the man hates him, despite there’s love or care shown in Aiba’s eyes if he has to describe, whenever they made an eye contact.
Sho drives aimlessly in silent with Aiba sitting next to him. Same as him, the man was lip tight, refuse to talk even a word. The last one he did was calling him by the name.
Sho-san, it feels so strange when he heard that from the man’s mouth.
"Are you going to drive until your petrol ran out and we stop somewhere that no one can help us?" aiba suddenly speaks causing sho to startle a little bit. He tightens his grip on the steering, trying to keep focus on his driving.
"that's gonna takes hundred miles. Infact, more than that," sho tries to joke. It fails indeed. He takes a glance at the man next to him who didn't show any kind of expression.
Sho sighs.
"i miss you," he says a matter of fact.but again, aiba shows no respond.
"i know you're mad at me. It's ok if you don't want to talk to me, but i hope that at least you give me chance to explain to you,"
"There’s nothing to be explain, sho-san," aiba retorts. "You make yourself clear last time. I'm not that stupid to understand,"
"aiba-chan..."
"Don’t. It's enough,"
Silent.
"ok..." sho sighs. "But can you do me a favor?"
Aiba didn't replies.
"Just, can we spend our time like last time? I've reserved the beach like last time,"
Aiba rolls his eyes.
***
It takes sho a few tries to excite the younger one before Aiba went 100% excited and started to hype like the one he knows since their junior days. They play again the sumo tube and do all the silly things they did last time.
"haaahh it's so fun," aiba says as he won the sumo tube game.
"It’s unfair," sho says, messing up his already mess wet hair. "You push me,"
"i'm not. You're the one who's suck in this game," aiba laughs causing sho to smile watching the man.
"Whatever," sho fakes a sulking tone. Aiba laughs while pinchung the man's cheek.
"Don’t sulk. Your chipmunk face was obvious," Aiba tease causing the older man to pout before it turns to a widest grin.
He misses looking at Aiba, miss the man's smiles. It always soothing to him. It can’t be help that he end up staring at the younger man the whole time they were together.
Aiba who notices Sho who's staring at him avoid the gaze.
They keep silent while enjoying the hotspring.
Sho indeed is repeating their 'date' before. The one that Aiba plan with the HnA staff for him. But he's not sure if Aiba really happy about this today.
"aiba-chan," he calls the man for his attention. Aiba looks at him.
"Hmm??"
"Is... Umm... Are you happy today?”
Aiba didn’t answer straight away. Instead, he sighs staring at the endless sky.
“Did something happen to you when I was away?” Sho widen his eyes hearing Aiba’s question.
“A lot things happen, Aiba-chan. Arashi went hiatus, everyone…”
“nino told me about everyone, Sho-san. You don’t have to repeat it. Besides, you’re not answering my question,” Aiba cuts him from continuing his words. He saw how sho was startle by his action. Slowly he approaches the man, closing their distance.
“I miss you, Aiba-chan,” Sho says but was ignored by the younger man. Before Sho could know, Aiba has been stared at the man’s chest, there’s scar at the man’s left chest. Aiba doesn’t realize it, but the next thing he do is his finger was trailing the scar on the man’s chest.
“Last time I see you, I’m sure there’s none,” Aiba speaks after a while, causing Sho to back off a little. but Aiba decides to be persistent. He sure, this must be something that what Nino has been begging him to listen since last night. Something that must be related to him. He pulls the man to face him.
“Tell me, Sho-chan,” Sho bites his lower lip.
***
SHO POV
The moment I see him leaving, my heart aches. He leaved. None of us could believe that when all of us know how much he loves Arashi. But he just leaves, not even turn to take a look at us back. The last gaze he gave me was cold, it send shivers all over my body.
I want to tell him I’m sorry. It’s unfair for what had happened. He’s not the only one to be blame when I was another part of the scandal. It happens so fast, that no one can stop and when it stops, it’s just too late.
Johnny-san was furious that evening. Saying stuff like ‘undecided’, ‘tolerate’, ‘arashi is different’. I could only laugh silently. In the end, he decided that no matter what happened, Aiba will stay. And by the very next day, the story seems to be like never exist. No one talk about it, it was left quiet. But Aiba never come back to us.
I still remember that night, the moment Johnny-san announce his decision to keep Aiba-chan with us, Nino rushes out of our greenroom, with his phone on his ears. I could feel that he was trying to call Aiba. I see the other three who’s doing the same before cursing as the can’t get through the line.
I fished out my phone from my pocket, scrolling the phone number list before I found Aiba number. I was about to press the call button when suddenly Jun stops me.
“Sho-san, don’t!” I look at him, his face looks furious, but I know he tries so much to keep calm while telling me his next word. “You know there’s no possible way…”
“He will pick up my call,” I finished his words. “I know.”
The room suddenly went quiet. I lower my head and I could see both Jun and Oh-chan keeps on trying to call the man but fail.
“The tone is ringing, but he didn’t pick up the call,” I heard nino spoke to the other two. Jun ruffled his hair.
If only I could help. But I know there’s no possible way. Not when I was part of the scandal. I was the one causing all of this to happen. Both of us are in the same condition, guilty for ruining Arashi’s name. The only different is they decided to keep me, but not him. Having all those thought, I know there’s no possible way he will pick up my call.
“It’s better for the two of you to talk. I know…” Jun suddenly speak before he took his seat next to me on the sofa. “But, he’s too angry right now. I think you should give him sometimes. Let him cool down first,”
“I agree,” nino supported Jun’s earlier words. “We know he won’t be mad for long. Let’s wait,”
And we did. After numerous call from all of them that night, we stop, in hope that we’ll be able to get reach him by the next day.
But we’re wrong. The next day, the calls just no longer get through. The number was no longer in use, and the moment Nino went to his house, it was emptied.
I was devastated. The thought that Arashi will have to continue as four hunting me every single day. It was the worst. As worst as my realization about my own feeling towards you.
At first I thought it was just a sense of guilt, I hurt you and I keep convincing the pain I feel in my heart is because my thought of losing my own best friend. But after a week, I feel something lost. The soothing feeling I always feel whenever he was around no longer there.
“You’re just confuse,” Nino said when I talk to him about itafter a few month bearing the feeling inside me by myself. I could feel that he was annoyed to me. “I mean, you push him off when he kissed you that time right?”
I nod.
“See. If you love him, you won’t do that. And you’ll do something to prevent him from leaving. But you’re not. He leaves and no matter how many time I went to his family’s shop, he refuse to meet me. If he already made his decision, you should make yours too,” Nino nags.
“But…” I want to protest. But Nino just cut me off.
“Look. Sho-san. If you really love him, shouldn’t you make everything clear for the two of you? you’re not making any effort. Go there. if you make some effort, who knows a miracle could occur to the two of you,”
“I don’t think so,” a voice from the door startles the two of us. Jun came in with a tabloid newspaper on his hand. He throws it on the table before one big headline shown on the first place.
“Aiba Masaki to get married,”
I didn’t read the whole news though. But I could see some of the words printed on the newspaper, something about going into the jewelers shop and went out with a bag possibly contains the engagement rings.
“If he already made his decision, you should make yours too,” nino’s words echoed in my head.
“Maybe you guys should continue as four. We can’t contact him, and you say so Ninomiya-san. He refuses to see all of us. Let’s assume he’s beginning a new life,”
“NO!” I snap. The woman has made her mistake once regarding us. I don’t want another mistake by her. “I’ll think of something,”
I take my stuff, leaving the room. I need to see the man. To clear the mess between the two of us. to save the precious thing to the five of us. Arashi is five. It won’t work as four. And I need him in my life. as someone who’ll always be by my side. Someone for me to love and be loved in return.
I drove my car to Chiba that night.
Maybe I was overthink. Maybe my head was mess up. I press the pedal until the meter reach more than the limit stated on the road.
The thought of Aiba getting married with someone disturbed my focus on my driving. Hence I decided to stop by the road side to calm me down before driving again.
But the thing that I didn’t notice was a trailer park by the road side, probably of emergency. I don’t know.
The next thing I know is I woke up with the smell of the medicine inside the room. I feel the pain at my chest, which later was explained by the doctor that an iron road stab my chest during the accident. I was unconscious for more than two week.
I laugh at myself when the members tell me it was just a rumors made up by the tabloid. How stupid of me to believe all the rumors.
But yesterday, the rumors that I keep convince me as not true; he tell it with his own mouth.
Maybe that was the punishment for hurting him before.
__________________________________________________________________________
last part gonna be updated on Sho's birthday