" If only i knew, knew the truth about you"
so I wrote all this shit in here over an hour and 15 mins. ago and it all went buh bye. I guess it went to journal heaven. I posted lyrics for Kasey from the Mogwai cd I was listening to yesterday( wens.) so here for Kaseys viewing pleasure is the lyrics to only one song, because I know the lyrics to that one and don't feel like looking up the rest of them right now, Sorry girl.
O I Sleep
I wanted to see if
fire could burn me
I thought I would know if
four walls could hold me
I wanted to see if
fire could burn me
ok so I know it's not alot but I guess it's how you look at it. I find a whole fucking lot in those simple lyrics and if people don't than thats ok, but I can't help but feel sorry for them. I do the jersey thing and over analyze every thing but sometimes it puts you right where you need to be. I have two paintings I want to finish and I need money so I can get batteries for my camera and some black and white film to finish robs painting. I want to finish the painting that I think needs to go to megan and I have a painting that I think needs to go to rory. board walk rory that is. megan gets the 2 candles 1 heart, 2 ways of looking at it one. rory gets the cloud moon and tree one from that one night when I drove home and saw peace in the sky.
some times I'm happy that I'm crazy. some times it scares me. I don't want to be alone for ever. sometimes I feel that being a robot in the emotions department might be good for me. I don't want emotions but when I think about the good times I want tons and tons of emotions .
sometimes I think it is better not to love than to love and loose that love. I know it's a complete contraindication with the whole fucking ordeal and all but I can't help it. I don't want ot be numb again but sometimes I feel numb is ok and that's where I should be. hmmmmmmm........
I wish I was in therapy again. at least some one could tell me something. you know. I could choose if it was wrong or right but atleast I didn't have to make the first choice, I could make the second or third. ok so I should feel because thats what my shrink told me. then I would get to decide on how and what I should feel.
i had to go down stairs so I could go to the bathroom seeing how an hour ago I broke a glass bottle in the upstairs bathroom. I'm pretty sure I cleaned it all up, but you don't want to take a chance. I'll do really good cleansing of the bathroom tomorrow, but let that be a constant reminder of why drinking beer in the shower is not ideal.
I can't stop listening to the Mogwai- Rock action cd I borrowed from rory a week ago. It's just very emotional for me.
you know................ You would think I would know if four walls could hold me, and I would like to say that they couldn't but sometimes I feel that they could and that I could get lost in one room forever. I really am crazy, huh?
I guess I'm done for now. I'm tired and tracey comes home tomorrow. thank god. I just need to hear her laugh and things will be better. it's almost 4 now and I made my first post before it got deleted by livejournal at almost 2. so round two and shit. sleep tight.
O I Sleep
I wanted to see if
fire could burn me
I thought I would know if
four walls could hold me
I wanted to see if
fire could burn me
ok so I know it's not alot but I guess it's how you look at it. I find a whole fucking lot in those simple lyrics and if people don't than thats ok, but I can't help but feel sorry for them. I do the jersey thing and over analyze every thing but sometimes it puts you right where you need to be. I have two paintings I want to finish and I need money so I can get batteries for my camera and some black and white film to finish robs painting. I want to finish the painting that I think needs to go to megan and I have a painting that I think needs to go to rory. board walk rory that is. megan gets the 2 candles 1 heart, 2 ways of looking at it one. rory gets the cloud moon and tree one from that one night when I drove home and saw peace in the sky.
some times I'm happy that I'm crazy. some times it scares me. I don't want to be alone for ever. sometimes I feel that being a robot in the emotions department might be good for me. I don't want emotions but when I think about the good times I want tons and tons of emotions .
sometimes I think it is better not to love than to love and loose that love. I know it's a complete contraindication with the whole fucking ordeal and all but I can't help it. I don't want ot be numb again but sometimes I feel numb is ok and that's where I should be. hmmmmmmm........
I wish I was in therapy again. at least some one could tell me something. you know. I could choose if it was wrong or right but atleast I didn't have to make the first choice, I could make the second or third. ok so I should feel because thats what my shrink told me. then I would get to decide on how and what I should feel.
i had to go down stairs so I could go to the bathroom seeing how an hour ago I broke a glass bottle in the upstairs bathroom. I'm pretty sure I cleaned it all up, but you don't want to take a chance. I'll do really good cleansing of the bathroom tomorrow, but let that be a constant reminder of why drinking beer in the shower is not ideal.
I can't stop listening to the Mogwai- Rock action cd I borrowed from rory a week ago. It's just very emotional for me.
you know................ You would think I would know if four walls could hold me, and I would like to say that they couldn't but sometimes I feel that they could and that I could get lost in one room forever. I really am crazy, huh?
I guess I'm done for now. I'm tired and tracey comes home tomorrow. thank god. I just need to hear her laugh and things will be better. it's almost 4 now and I made my first post before it got deleted by livejournal at almost 2. so round two and shit. sleep tight.