(no subject)
So some friends of mine really hurt me by lying/gossiping about me a while back. I was so taken aback at what I read, I'll never forget it.
The problem is I haven't brought it up, one because I didn't want to cause trouble and just be the bigger person and two, because I honestly didn't know how. I thought it wouldn't matter but we've both been dancing around the issue. We have nothing to say to each other because we're not close anymore. I want to be close again, I love them very much, but I have this ball of hurt, disappointment, anger and upset stuck in my throat. It makes me say dumb things and not be honest about my life with them.
I can feel us D R I F T I N G apart as a result.
I don't know what to do. I love X so much but I feel like I can't be honest again. They judged me so harshly and cruelly, you guys, I don't think any of you would say that about your worst enemies.
I'm not saying I'm perfect. I definitely didn't help any situation because I'm awkward and shy and uncomfortable. Rather than say something that might hurt anyone (myself included) I would rather not say anything at all. I've never been very good at trusting anyone, including my family, so I probably hurt X by not letting them in on my daily life.
I just want to start from scratch, really. I feel like we have to work on our relationship but the sad thing is I really get the feeling they don't want to. Which is horrible because these people were my best friends
POINT: If we've hurt each other, please, let's tell each other. It really eats me up not knowing if we're ever going to be ok. I don't want our friendship to disappear. I'm sorry for being the way I am and I'll always try to be a better friend. I'm sorry for all the times I haven't been there for you.
Anyway, one of my new year's resolutions was to be more positive and thankful. I can't help my emotions and it doesn't fester if I just let it out, so I can vent here, but I am trying to be a more grateful person. Soooo
Thank you mimei, nightflight, slippedinred honeychamomile, kazekijo, andiecircus, robinwyn, nullspace!!!
Your comments and words last year really boosted my spirits. I was so depressed and worried all the time about my personal life, my job, school, money, health insurance, the baby, Bond and my relationship, and I truly truly felt like I had no one to turn to. Close friends and I couldn't even talk to each other, and I was so down, I didn't know what was going to happen to me. But I truly feel blessed that you all came into my life/were there for me. You have no idea the power of kind words and a loving heart.
And just holding Sebastian in my arms soothes me. He is amazing.
Thank you from the bottom of mine.
The problem is I haven't brought it up, one because I didn't want to cause trouble and just be the bigger person and two, because I honestly didn't know how. I thought it wouldn't matter but we've both been dancing around the issue. We have nothing to say to each other because we're not close anymore. I want to be close again, I love them very much, but I have this ball of hurt, disappointment, anger and upset stuck in my throat. It makes me say dumb things and not be honest about my life with them.
I can feel us D R I F T I N G apart as a result.
I don't know what to do. I love X so much but I feel like I can't be honest again. They judged me so harshly and cruelly, you guys, I don't think any of you would say that about your worst enemies.
I'm not saying I'm perfect. I definitely didn't help any situation because I'm awkward and shy and uncomfortable. Rather than say something that might hurt anyone (myself included) I would rather not say anything at all. I've never been very good at trusting anyone, including my family, so I probably hurt X by not letting them in on my daily life.
I just want to start from scratch, really. I feel like we have to work on our relationship but the sad thing is I really get the feeling they don't want to. Which is horrible because these people were my best friends
POINT: If we've hurt each other, please, let's tell each other. It really eats me up not knowing if we're ever going to be ok. I don't want our friendship to disappear. I'm sorry for being the way I am and I'll always try to be a better friend. I'm sorry for all the times I haven't been there for you.
Anyway, one of my new year's resolutions was to be more positive and thankful. I can't help my emotions and it doesn't fester if I just let it out, so I can vent here, but I am trying to be a more grateful person. Soooo
Thank you mimei, nightflight, slippedinred honeychamomile, kazekijo, andiecircus, robinwyn, nullspace!!!
Your comments and words last year really boosted my spirits. I was so depressed and worried all the time about my personal life, my job, school, money, health insurance, the baby, Bond and my relationship, and I truly truly felt like I had no one to turn to. Close friends and I couldn't even talk to each other, and I was so down, I didn't know what was going to happen to me. But I truly feel blessed that you all came into my life/were there for me. You have no idea the power of kind words and a loving heart.
And just holding Sebastian in my arms soothes me. He is amazing.
Thank you from the bottom of mine.