(no subject)
There are times where I miss my old apartment. Mostly the times where I feel like I need to play music a bit loud and dance/jump around. I could do that in a basement apartment, but I'm on the 3rd floor of an apartment building that is really designed to be quiet (my landlord stressed that the reason I'm here (and not in another less nice apartment) is that I'm quiet and a good tennant)
I feel like its finals week and quiet hours and all I want to do is dance and sing and get lost in music until this off kilter sort of depressed sort of scared sort of embarrassed feeling goes away.
I haven't had to deal with quiet hour like conditions for 7 years. Finals week conditions for
I asked Nick to move in with me. I know it might not be the best idea in the world but its been 7 years and we've been engaged for almost 3 of them. I make enough money for it to work for as long as it needs to until Nick gets a job and I love him and I want him to be here. (there is obviously well thought out adult reasoning that also happened like budgeting (good budgeting with lots of leway and $$ for emergency and overspending and savings) and seriousness, but I"m not in the mood to elaborate on lists and practicality)
Part of it was that I realized that I am living my life right now. Right now every second is ticking away the time I have in my life to do what I choose. Waiting until life becomes cookie cutter perfect before I do what I want is ridiculous. What I have realized is that crushing blinding reality is reality. Life isn't a fairy tale and it could end tomorrow. and I want this. I really really want to live with him.
There is also the thought (its a very small thought that hasn't happend more then 3 times) that if it were to crash and burn and I find out that I've wasted the last 7 years of my life it would be nice to happen before we get married cause marriage is permanent. I don't see us crashing and burning, I'm willing to work at it and know fully well that there will be things that annoy the fuck out of me but they are the price of admission to having a relationship with the man I love.
I feel like its finals week and quiet hours and all I want to do is dance and sing and get lost in music until this off kilter sort of depressed sort of scared sort of embarrassed feeling goes away.
I haven't had to deal with quiet hour like conditions for 7 years. Finals week conditions for
I asked Nick to move in with me. I know it might not be the best idea in the world but its been 7 years and we've been engaged for almost 3 of them. I make enough money for it to work for as long as it needs to until Nick gets a job and I love him and I want him to be here. (there is obviously well thought out adult reasoning that also happened like budgeting (good budgeting with lots of leway and $$ for emergency and overspending and savings) and seriousness, but I"m not in the mood to elaborate on lists and practicality)
Part of it was that I realized that I am living my life right now. Right now every second is ticking away the time I have in my life to do what I choose. Waiting until life becomes cookie cutter perfect before I do what I want is ridiculous. What I have realized is that crushing blinding reality is reality. Life isn't a fairy tale and it could end tomorrow. and I want this. I really really want to live with him.
There is also the thought (its a very small thought that hasn't happend more then 3 times) that if it were to crash and burn and I find out that I've wasted the last 7 years of my life it would be nice to happen before we get married cause marriage is permanent. I don't see us crashing and burning, I'm willing to work at it and know fully well that there will be things that annoy the fuck out of me but they are the price of admission to having a relationship with the man I love.