RelationShits [Last Part]
Title: RelationShits [Last Part]
Author: iarmella
Pairing: YabuYama, YamaChii (for friendship only)
Rating: PG-13
Warning/s: Angst. Hints of..you know this
Summary: Love is crazy and it lies.Relationships turns our lives into shits.
Author's Note: Requested by heysayjae
Precious Chapter~♥
---
I knew it was wrong. I knew I made the wrong choice. Yet I can't regret any of it. I love him so much.
I ran away from home, leaving my responsibilities behind and abandoning my best friend who told me to stop. Chinen always supported me ever since we met each other, he was the one who always wanted me to try venturing new things and yes I'm glad I've always listened to him. But I never thought that the only time I wouldn't listen to what he's saying is the time that I will commit the biggest mistake.
For the first two weeks, I felt what it was like to finally be happy. Although I couldn't go out anymore, I felt so free finally. We ate, bathed and slept together. I enjoyed life for the first time. It was unimaginably ecstatic. It’s probably only possible when you are with someone you love the most.
I never thought that love would trap me. That it would ruin me.
I just closed my eyes when I saw my boyfriend kissing someone else. I told myself that it was fine and that it's probably for him to add more color to his life. I was hurt yet fear covered me, I felt like he was getting tired of me. I ignored the sharp pain on my heart, thinking that it's a part of our relationship. That I have to go through it or I will fail to stay strong.
I could still remember the first time I slept with him, the very first time I was touched. I stood firmly as our eyes locked to each other. He was smiling gently to lessen the nervousness I was feeling with his touches. We didn't do it so quickly, nor too slowly. Our kiss was deep, so deep that I didn't realize that I was removing my own coat as he pushed me to his bed. I just gulped nervously when we pulled away for air. He pressed his forehead against mine so I was able to feel how his breath slowly went to its normal face. With one final peck, he pulled away. His eyes tracing the hem of my collar before he unbuttoned the first one. He looked at me once more and I could only nod nervously. He did the rest of my shirt.
It was my first time allowing him to see me to such state. His arms wrapped around my waist gingerly under my unbuttoned uniform, he pulled closer to his body once more as his other free hand wrapped around my nape, we kissed again. It felt so weird, so wrong yet so right at the same time.
Age doesn't necessarily matter, and after all, almost three years of age gap isn't that much of a deal. I love Yabu. He was the one who made me feel so important, not because I'm the only son or whatsoever of a powerful family, but because he needed me.
Yet I never thought that the person that made me feel so important, would be the one to make me feel my own uselessness.
"So you want to break-up?"
"NO!" I answered immediately
My whole body shook as more tears fell to my hands. I looked at him, hoping that he would understand what I wanted. But just when I thought he would give me the warmest smile and tightest hug, I only met the coldest stare. I gulped, cursing myself for not having enough self-control.
"Then don't even dare to open that up" he scoffed and turned away from me
When I heard the door slamming, I wasn't able to stop myself from breaking down. My heart broke so badly. I never thought that everything would turn out that way.
I know what politeness means, I know what respectfulness is. I asked him the best way I could about that I guy I saw him kissing. I thought that it would be the same, that we can talk our problems like how we tackle our difference. That maybe I can still find a way to make him faithful to just me. It never hit me that he might think of a break-up so quickly. It just didn't appear with his personality at all. I never thought that he could be so cold. I just hoped that it would stop him from drifting away from.
But there was Inoo. There already was Inoo Kei.
He introduced us to each other and I treated the beautiful person to me so kindly. I couldn't just treat such beauty in a weird way, because he truly looked like an angel. Someone who was so kind and clever.
I could still feel how my throat refused to make any sound as I gasped to what I saw. I blinked continuously as my tears flowed, I gripped on the door's frame tightly and when Yabu-kun and my eyes met, I quickly shivered at the glare that was directed to me. When I saw Inoo-chan's sly smile, I nearly broke down in front of them.
"Get out" Yabu told me and I did as I was told
My tears have stopped flowing already as I sat on the couch silently. My throat dried as I felt so blank inside. When Yabu-kun and Inoo-chan finally went out of the bedroom, I refused to make any eyes contact. I couldn't look at them in the eyes anymore.
That night, I already knew how Yabu-kun's unfaithfulness could kill me. He started screaming at me and even called me names, he told me that I could just go and leave him because he didn't need me anymore.
I cried to sleep that night, that week, that month…I lost count of how long I had. I've heard a lot of people telling me that they didn't me, yet I didn't care. I don't give a damn about them. But when it was Yabu-kun, his words were simple but excruciating.
I wanted to do what he wanted me to, to leave him and break-up with him. Yet I couldn't, I knew I wouldn't. He's my life and I love him tremendously that I couldn't imagine a life without him anymore.
"What are you doing to yourself?!?" Chinen was so mad when he saw me crying
I shook my head. Not because I didn't know the answer, but because I didn't know what exactly to say. I didn’t know anymore.
"Break-up with him and I'll take you home" Chii begged me
I refused. How I wish I didn't. I couldn't imagine a life without Yabu-kun.
He told me that I was so stupid, that people would think that I'm the craziest person ever. I didn't need to hear from him that I'm so hurt deep inside, I know my feelings too well. My tears have penetrated me, yet I couldn’t what they all wanted me to.
My heart broke, my tears flowed, all because of something that I can never let go. Yabu-kun has become my life.
I didn't care anymore even if he uses me, even if I looked stupid for being with him. That he's making love in our bed with someone else, that he kisses and hugs someone else. That he showed no consideration towards my feelings when he frankly showed me what they were doing. Inoo-chan is probably a lot better than me, even to the extent that Yabu-kun doesn't need me anymore, but still I need to be there. I have to keep on holding.
"Just go home, already"
I wanted too. I hardly wanted to. Selfishly, I was never treated this way, until I met him. For him I learned how to clean, I washed our dishes, I cooked for him, I picked up and washed his dirty clothes. My hands hurt, my fingers bled. Something that no one would even imagine that can happen to me. I was, after all, someone so important to my family.
My parents made sure that I was taken good care of, that no one treats me badly. Despite the fact that I was so suffocated and restrained at home, I still knew that they were doing it for my own good. I just wonder why did I ever run away from it.
Indeed I was free with Yabu-kun, I was finally. But in the end, I never knew that my love for him is what will suffocate me in the end.
I want to, but I can't. I couldn't go home. I ran away despite the way they cherished me, and that was why I couldn't go back anymore.
I want to, but I really can't. I can't leave Yabu-kun. I loved him so much that I couldn't imagine my life without him. I didn't care how he was treating me, how hurt I was because of him, all that mattered was, he's the person I love and we're together.
"I'll do everything, don't leave me, please" I would always cry out to him
And yes, everything went worse.
Knowing that he was looking at someone else already when we're together hurt so much. And it killed me every time I see him and Inoo-chan together. They hugged and kissed in front of me…I would always stay or even sleep outside whenever they slept with each other, made love together. I cooked what they ate together.
I was hurt, yet I feel contented when Yabu-kun comes to me. He still comes to me. He still needed me. His touches and kisses didn’t feel warm though. Whenever we made love, the pain in me worsened. I knew why, I knew it was because I wasn't his best anymore. I became a thing for him, something that he will use whenever he wants and keeps whenever he likes.
His once warm hands that would caress me and make me feel secured turned to cold ones. It became so cold and harsh and I feared the times it touches me. Until now, I still wonder what I did for me to deserve such harshness, I wonder if I did something so wrong that I deserved to be hit. He slapped me when I told him that he's hurting me. I thought it was normal to have that, yet when things went worse. I pitied myself, I couldn't say a word as I whimper from all the hit I received, I was too afraid to lose him.
Until one day, everything became too much for me. I don't know what hit me, but I suddenly ran away. I ran as fast as my feet would let me to. And I just found myself in front of Chinen's house, crying.
His warm hug led me into his bedroom. I didn’t care anymore how many of his house helpers saw me, all I wanted was to feel secured. For the first time after a long time, I felt warm once more. My best friend told me that everything will be fine and there's nothing to be afraid of, anymore.
When I opened my eyes once more, I was met by his bedroom's white ceiling. The comfortable scent of his cuteness and the warmth of his bed that emitted such security for me.
He bathed me and healed my wounds, he dried my tears and cheered me up. And for the nth time, I realized how stupid I was for not listening to him.
Then he introduced me to Ryutaro. The tall boy isn't a stranger to me anymore, I've seen him a couple of times already and I knew too well who he was. Chinen's all time crush. And yes, they became together the time I was gone.
"I want to go home" I told him
Without any hesitation, he accompanied me home the following day. He told me that it's okay if I want a cool-off first, but I wanted to face my problems already.
I turned my back to Yabu-kun. And it still hurt me when he pretended like nothing happened to us, like he never knew me. My first relationship ended just like that. After months of struggling, after all the rules I broke, the responsibilities I neglected, all for him, the sacrifices I did for someone like him…were all for nothing. It disappeared in a flick of a finger.
My parents welcomed me back with open arms. They scolded me for being so stubborn and that they even planned to get back at Yabu-kun for taking me away from them. I wanted to get back at him too, for the things he did to me and for the pain he made me feel, yet I couldn't do that, I still love him, I still love him and I can forgive him.
Chinen told me that I was reckless, that I became overly crazy about love. Yes I was, but what can I do? I never thought that it can be the only thing that will be out of my control.
It is a lesson well learned for me, anyway. My parents became overly strict to me once more but I took it as a punishment of abandoning them for almost three months. Although they were so disappointed to me, I still felt warm when I was scolded by them. For the first time again, I strongly felt that my parents needs me because they love me, not because they wanted me to succeed the family.
Love is not uncontrollable. It is always up to us on how we would take it. We can dominate over it or let it dominate over us. As for me, I let it penetrate my life and what do I get? A lesson with darkness. Something that I'll make sure to never ever happen to me.
I let it take over me as I linked my self to Yabu-kun. But the love for myself is what broke me from such bond. Not that I'm trying to say it in a bad way, but I strongly believe that we should never ever let anyone take over us. Because like what happened to me…like even now, Yabu-kun seem to have forgotten about me and that he's happy with Inoo-chan, I still love him so much and that he might've captured my life to his eternal charm. I just have to be so careful now, I need to pretend like I never knew him too. Even if it hurts so much...
---
A/N: I know, this was roughly done..but please be kind to me :DD I hope you guys liked it!! ♥ I'm trying to be as cheerful as I can still be, my prelims doesn't seem to be as good as I expected...I didn't manage to get the marks that I wanted...but yeah, I'm struggling to finish the requests (there are so many!!), not that I don't like them~ I take a very long time to write a request because I try my best to think of a good story line...and yeah, if you're a writer, you also probably desire for the best plot...yeah, though some turns out roughly, I still think of the best story lining so I hope you guys do understand me :D
Want to request? Request here!
Author: iarmella
Pairing: YabuYama, YamaChii (for friendship only)
Rating: PG-13
Warning/s: Angst. Hints of..you know this
Summary: Love is crazy and it lies.Relationships turns our lives into shits.
Author's Note: Requested by heysayjae
Precious Chapter~♥
---
I knew it was wrong. I knew I made the wrong choice. Yet I can't regret any of it. I love him so much.
I ran away from home, leaving my responsibilities behind and abandoning my best friend who told me to stop. Chinen always supported me ever since we met each other, he was the one who always wanted me to try venturing new things and yes I'm glad I've always listened to him. But I never thought that the only time I wouldn't listen to what he's saying is the time that I will commit the biggest mistake.
For the first two weeks, I felt what it was like to finally be happy. Although I couldn't go out anymore, I felt so free finally. We ate, bathed and slept together. I enjoyed life for the first time. It was unimaginably ecstatic. It’s probably only possible when you are with someone you love the most.
I never thought that love would trap me. That it would ruin me.
I just closed my eyes when I saw my boyfriend kissing someone else. I told myself that it was fine and that it's probably for him to add more color to his life. I was hurt yet fear covered me, I felt like he was getting tired of me. I ignored the sharp pain on my heart, thinking that it's a part of our relationship. That I have to go through it or I will fail to stay strong.
I could still remember the first time I slept with him, the very first time I was touched. I stood firmly as our eyes locked to each other. He was smiling gently to lessen the nervousness I was feeling with his touches. We didn't do it so quickly, nor too slowly. Our kiss was deep, so deep that I didn't realize that I was removing my own coat as he pushed me to his bed. I just gulped nervously when we pulled away for air. He pressed his forehead against mine so I was able to feel how his breath slowly went to its normal face. With one final peck, he pulled away. His eyes tracing the hem of my collar before he unbuttoned the first one. He looked at me once more and I could only nod nervously. He did the rest of my shirt.
It was my first time allowing him to see me to such state. His arms wrapped around my waist gingerly under my unbuttoned uniform, he pulled closer to his body once more as his other free hand wrapped around my nape, we kissed again. It felt so weird, so wrong yet so right at the same time.
Age doesn't necessarily matter, and after all, almost three years of age gap isn't that much of a deal. I love Yabu. He was the one who made me feel so important, not because I'm the only son or whatsoever of a powerful family, but because he needed me.
Yet I never thought that the person that made me feel so important, would be the one to make me feel my own uselessness.
"So you want to break-up?"
"NO!" I answered immediately
My whole body shook as more tears fell to my hands. I looked at him, hoping that he would understand what I wanted. But just when I thought he would give me the warmest smile and tightest hug, I only met the coldest stare. I gulped, cursing myself for not having enough self-control.
"Then don't even dare to open that up" he scoffed and turned away from me
When I heard the door slamming, I wasn't able to stop myself from breaking down. My heart broke so badly. I never thought that everything would turn out that way.
I know what politeness means, I know what respectfulness is. I asked him the best way I could about that I guy I saw him kissing. I thought that it would be the same, that we can talk our problems like how we tackle our difference. That maybe I can still find a way to make him faithful to just me. It never hit me that he might think of a break-up so quickly. It just didn't appear with his personality at all. I never thought that he could be so cold. I just hoped that it would stop him from drifting away from.
But there was Inoo. There already was Inoo Kei.
He introduced us to each other and I treated the beautiful person to me so kindly. I couldn't just treat such beauty in a weird way, because he truly looked like an angel. Someone who was so kind and clever.
I could still feel how my throat refused to make any sound as I gasped to what I saw. I blinked continuously as my tears flowed, I gripped on the door's frame tightly and when Yabu-kun and my eyes met, I quickly shivered at the glare that was directed to me. When I saw Inoo-chan's sly smile, I nearly broke down in front of them.
"Get out" Yabu told me and I did as I was told
My tears have stopped flowing already as I sat on the couch silently. My throat dried as I felt so blank inside. When Yabu-kun and Inoo-chan finally went out of the bedroom, I refused to make any eyes contact. I couldn't look at them in the eyes anymore.
That night, I already knew how Yabu-kun's unfaithfulness could kill me. He started screaming at me and even called me names, he told me that I could just go and leave him because he didn't need me anymore.
I cried to sleep that night, that week, that month…I lost count of how long I had. I've heard a lot of people telling me that they didn't me, yet I didn't care. I don't give a damn about them. But when it was Yabu-kun, his words were simple but excruciating.
I wanted to do what he wanted me to, to leave him and break-up with him. Yet I couldn't, I knew I wouldn't. He's my life and I love him tremendously that I couldn't imagine a life without him anymore.
"What are you doing to yourself?!?" Chinen was so mad when he saw me crying
I shook my head. Not because I didn't know the answer, but because I didn't know what exactly to say. I didn’t know anymore.
"Break-up with him and I'll take you home" Chii begged me
I refused. How I wish I didn't. I couldn't imagine a life without Yabu-kun.
He told me that I was so stupid, that people would think that I'm the craziest person ever. I didn't need to hear from him that I'm so hurt deep inside, I know my feelings too well. My tears have penetrated me, yet I couldn’t what they all wanted me to.
My heart broke, my tears flowed, all because of something that I can never let go. Yabu-kun has become my life.
I didn't care anymore even if he uses me, even if I looked stupid for being with him. That he's making love in our bed with someone else, that he kisses and hugs someone else. That he showed no consideration towards my feelings when he frankly showed me what they were doing. Inoo-chan is probably a lot better than me, even to the extent that Yabu-kun doesn't need me anymore, but still I need to be there. I have to keep on holding.
"Just go home, already"
I wanted too. I hardly wanted to. Selfishly, I was never treated this way, until I met him. For him I learned how to clean, I washed our dishes, I cooked for him, I picked up and washed his dirty clothes. My hands hurt, my fingers bled. Something that no one would even imagine that can happen to me. I was, after all, someone so important to my family.
My parents made sure that I was taken good care of, that no one treats me badly. Despite the fact that I was so suffocated and restrained at home, I still knew that they were doing it for my own good. I just wonder why did I ever run away from it.
Indeed I was free with Yabu-kun, I was finally. But in the end, I never knew that my love for him is what will suffocate me in the end.
I want to, but I can't. I couldn't go home. I ran away despite the way they cherished me, and that was why I couldn't go back anymore.
I want to, but I really can't. I can't leave Yabu-kun. I loved him so much that I couldn't imagine my life without him. I didn't care how he was treating me, how hurt I was because of him, all that mattered was, he's the person I love and we're together.
"I'll do everything, don't leave me, please" I would always cry out to him
And yes, everything went worse.
Knowing that he was looking at someone else already when we're together hurt so much. And it killed me every time I see him and Inoo-chan together. They hugged and kissed in front of me…I would always stay or even sleep outside whenever they slept with each other, made love together. I cooked what they ate together.
I was hurt, yet I feel contented when Yabu-kun comes to me. He still comes to me. He still needed me. His touches and kisses didn’t feel warm though. Whenever we made love, the pain in me worsened. I knew why, I knew it was because I wasn't his best anymore. I became a thing for him, something that he will use whenever he wants and keeps whenever he likes.
His once warm hands that would caress me and make me feel secured turned to cold ones. It became so cold and harsh and I feared the times it touches me. Until now, I still wonder what I did for me to deserve such harshness, I wonder if I did something so wrong that I deserved to be hit. He slapped me when I told him that he's hurting me. I thought it was normal to have that, yet when things went worse. I pitied myself, I couldn't say a word as I whimper from all the hit I received, I was too afraid to lose him.
Until one day, everything became too much for me. I don't know what hit me, but I suddenly ran away. I ran as fast as my feet would let me to. And I just found myself in front of Chinen's house, crying.
His warm hug led me into his bedroom. I didn’t care anymore how many of his house helpers saw me, all I wanted was to feel secured. For the first time after a long time, I felt warm once more. My best friend told me that everything will be fine and there's nothing to be afraid of, anymore.
When I opened my eyes once more, I was met by his bedroom's white ceiling. The comfortable scent of his cuteness and the warmth of his bed that emitted such security for me.
He bathed me and healed my wounds, he dried my tears and cheered me up. And for the nth time, I realized how stupid I was for not listening to him.
Then he introduced me to Ryutaro. The tall boy isn't a stranger to me anymore, I've seen him a couple of times already and I knew too well who he was. Chinen's all time crush. And yes, they became together the time I was gone.
"I want to go home" I told him
Without any hesitation, he accompanied me home the following day. He told me that it's okay if I want a cool-off first, but I wanted to face my problems already.
I turned my back to Yabu-kun. And it still hurt me when he pretended like nothing happened to us, like he never knew me. My first relationship ended just like that. After months of struggling, after all the rules I broke, the responsibilities I neglected, all for him, the sacrifices I did for someone like him…were all for nothing. It disappeared in a flick of a finger.
My parents welcomed me back with open arms. They scolded me for being so stubborn and that they even planned to get back at Yabu-kun for taking me away from them. I wanted to get back at him too, for the things he did to me and for the pain he made me feel, yet I couldn't do that, I still love him, I still love him and I can forgive him.
Chinen told me that I was reckless, that I became overly crazy about love. Yes I was, but what can I do? I never thought that it can be the only thing that will be out of my control.
It is a lesson well learned for me, anyway. My parents became overly strict to me once more but I took it as a punishment of abandoning them for almost three months. Although they were so disappointed to me, I still felt warm when I was scolded by them. For the first time again, I strongly felt that my parents needs me because they love me, not because they wanted me to succeed the family.
Love is not uncontrollable. It is always up to us on how we would take it. We can dominate over it or let it dominate over us. As for me, I let it penetrate my life and what do I get? A lesson with darkness. Something that I'll make sure to never ever happen to me.
I let it take over me as I linked my self to Yabu-kun. But the love for myself is what broke me from such bond. Not that I'm trying to say it in a bad way, but I strongly believe that we should never ever let anyone take over us. Because like what happened to me…like even now, Yabu-kun seem to have forgotten about me and that he's happy with Inoo-chan, I still love him so much and that he might've captured my life to his eternal charm. I just have to be so careful now, I need to pretend like I never knew him too. Even if it hurts so much...
---
A/N: I know, this was roughly done..but please be kind to me :DD I hope you guys liked it!! ♥ I'm trying to be as cheerful as I can still be, my prelims doesn't seem to be as good as I expected...I didn't manage to get the marks that I wanted...but yeah, I'm struggling to finish the requests (there are so many!!), not that I don't like them~ I take a very long time to write a request because I try my best to think of a good story line...and yeah, if you're a writer, you also probably desire for the best plot...yeah, though some turns out roughly, I still think of the best story lining so I hope you guys do understand me :D
Want to request? Request here!