An Army of One...(long)
I'm posting this on LJ as well since not everyone I know has a myspace so here it is.
Well I've finally come to a decision...I am going to go later today to the recruiting office and see about enlisting. I've thought long and hard about this and I've thought of every reason to stay and for any reason to do so. My friends...omg I love you all, seriously. Your all the fucking best and I will miss you so much and by the time I come back alot of you will be different. You've all done so much for me and I can't show you all enough how much you mean to me. Ever since I was little I've always been interested in joining the military and I almost did when I turned 18, but then I was given the oppurtunity to move out to West Hills which changed me in so many ways. I told myself, if I ever was to enlist, I want to be fully committed. No second thoughts, no doubts. I've finally come to that point and I think it will be for the best.
For one, I need to grow up seriously...I am still so naive about things. Being in the Army I know will make me change whether I like it or not. Two, I can't stay for reasons that are not solid enough for me. I would stay because of all of you, but other shit will get to me like work and where I'm having to live right now. It gets to me more, day in and day out. I would be just hating myself the whole time and my situation and you would all see it in me. Three, I am going nowhere right now in my life. I'm out of school, I drive back and forth just for my job, I hardly get to spend any time with my friends except this past week which has been great, but still. All I am doing lately is sleeping and working. That's not a life I want to have and I see the Army as a way out of the situation.
I want to say also some things to certain people:
Christina: I'm sorry if I've caused any drama, anger, bitterness, etc. I think maybe the reason why I was not completely over you is that inside I was trying to find a reason to stay and I guess I was trying to make you the reason I would stay. Very selfish on my part and I'm sorry. You are a great girl and I hope things work out for you in the end with Taylor or whoever you end up with. I will always want the best for you and don't you ever forget that. No hard feelings ok? Much love, Christina :)
Jordan: Dude your so fucking awesome. I wouldn't trade having you as my friend for anything. Yes, sometimes you get on my nerves once in awhile since your so off the wall usually, but in the end I don't care. You have been there alot for me and I don't care what others think and you know I will always be there for you in any way I can. Much love, man.
Brittany: I'm glad we're cool with each other and that we've been able to talk and all. It's good to hear things are going good for you and that's how I want them to be. I always will care about you no matter what. Also, keep that attitude of screw what everyone thinks because seriously, screw em. You'll always have a place in my heart, you know that :)
Sarah: I haven't talked to you in awhile and I hope things are going good for you. You have always been someone I could turn to and I appreciate your honesty when talking to me and listening to my troubles. Your like the sister I've never had and I will always be there for you just like a big brother would. I won't be able to be there too much for obvious reasons, but you know what I mean. Always here for you, Sarah. Kunichiwa!
Andrew: It's been a long time I know. We were both angry with each other and I'm sorry for my end of it. Before I leave I'll try to make it up to you, but if its not possible then know that you will always be one of the bestest friends I have ever had the honor of having. You have been through so much with me and I never want to lose you as a friend. I love you like a fucking brother man and don't you ever forget that. My schwartz will always be bigger than yours though :) I love you, bro!
Ashleigh: We've been hanging out for the past few days and it has been the best. I've been able to talk to you and you actually listen to me. I hope I do the same for you and that you know that I'm there for you as much as is possible to be. I like your honesty with me and in general and I've come to admire your personality. Your seriously one of the coolest people I know and I just want to say that don't ever worry about what people think, not that you do, but don't let people get to you. Your so much better than them and you never will have to prove it because your real friends already know it to be true. I will miss you very much and I hope that things work out for you in general and that you get everything you want and more. Much love, Ashleigh! <3
Rachel: Oh my god, your seriously one of the funniest fucking people I have ever met. I love your care-free personality and attitude so much, don't ever change please! Thanks so much for helping me out during that week, you helped so much and you were right. God I will miss hearing you come up with the most random things that are just too fucking funny to not laugh at. Thank you for being, you. Love you, Rachel!
Kathryn: Where do I begin? You have been such a refreshing person to be around. I love your honesty about things and your down to earth attitude. Thank you so much for making time to chill with me, it meant so much to know that a friend would be willing to cancel plans she had already just to spend the day with me. You get to now always remember me when you think of Disneyland since I was the first guy you ever went alone with to the magical kingdom :). Don't change, ever! God I will miss you so much Kathryn. Love you babe <3
Natalye: Don't think I would ever forget about you :). We haven't talked in forever, but I want to say that you are such a cool girl and I hope everything is working out for you. I don't know what you've been up to lately, so whatever it is, it better be good! Don't ever get involved in the drama of high school if you can help it. It's not worth the hurt, bullshit, sadness, etc. Hope to see you around someday.
Jessica B.: How could I ever forget my little southern accent, Jessica? I haven't seen you in awhile and hopefully before I leave I'll get to, but if I don't I want to say that you are always so fun to hang out with. I always have thought of you as a little sister and so I've always made it a point to protect you if possible, though you are very capable of defending yourself :D. I will miss your silliness and your laid back attitude. Don't change for others and always be yourself. Love you so much, babe!
Jessica H.: Haven't known you as long as some of the others, but I want to say thanks for always inviting me to your parties and all. You have always been nice to me without knowing me all too well and I really appreciate that. I will miss the parties, since I always end up meeting people I've never before and seeing others that I haven't in awhile which is always great. Thanks again so much, Jessica. :)
Drew: Dude, oh man. Your so fucking chill its unbelievable. I used to think you were so whack, but you've changed alot and your so great. If you didn't know, Chris always thought of you as a bro and he thinks your one of the coolest guys around. Don't ever fucking change, Drew! Your fine just the way you are and fuck what everyone else thinks. I'm going to miss you alot man, you have no idea! :D
There are just so many of you, oh my god. I love you all so much and I will miss every single one of you. I wish I could have done some things differently, but of course that isn't possible. I hope that after the first 3 months I'm gone for boot camp and when I come back to visit, that you'll all be around. God...I will miss every fucking one of you! I will miss all the great times I've had with you all and how you all invite me even though I don't even go to the same school as you and am older. You've all treated me as a friend and never have let the reasons I just stated ever get in the way of that. Thank you ALL for that! When I find out where I'll be stationed and all, I will have my mom post the info here and on LJ so if any of you want to write me you can. If you do, please write whatever you want, its just me and I don't judge! Send lots of pics too if you can!!! I want to see what's up and remember how you all are. One last time....I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well I've finally come to a decision...I am going to go later today to the recruiting office and see about enlisting. I've thought long and hard about this and I've thought of every reason to stay and for any reason to do so. My friends...omg I love you all, seriously. Your all the fucking best and I will miss you so much and by the time I come back alot of you will be different. You've all done so much for me and I can't show you all enough how much you mean to me. Ever since I was little I've always been interested in joining the military and I almost did when I turned 18, but then I was given the oppurtunity to move out to West Hills which changed me in so many ways. I told myself, if I ever was to enlist, I want to be fully committed. No second thoughts, no doubts. I've finally come to that point and I think it will be for the best.
For one, I need to grow up seriously...I am still so naive about things. Being in the Army I know will make me change whether I like it or not. Two, I can't stay for reasons that are not solid enough for me. I would stay because of all of you, but other shit will get to me like work and where I'm having to live right now. It gets to me more, day in and day out. I would be just hating myself the whole time and my situation and you would all see it in me. Three, I am going nowhere right now in my life. I'm out of school, I drive back and forth just for my job, I hardly get to spend any time with my friends except this past week which has been great, but still. All I am doing lately is sleeping and working. That's not a life I want to have and I see the Army as a way out of the situation.
I want to say also some things to certain people:
Christina: I'm sorry if I've caused any drama, anger, bitterness, etc. I think maybe the reason why I was not completely over you is that inside I was trying to find a reason to stay and I guess I was trying to make you the reason I would stay. Very selfish on my part and I'm sorry. You are a great girl and I hope things work out for you in the end with Taylor or whoever you end up with. I will always want the best for you and don't you ever forget that. No hard feelings ok? Much love, Christina :)
Jordan: Dude your so fucking awesome. I wouldn't trade having you as my friend for anything. Yes, sometimes you get on my nerves once in awhile since your so off the wall usually, but in the end I don't care. You have been there alot for me and I don't care what others think and you know I will always be there for you in any way I can. Much love, man.
Brittany: I'm glad we're cool with each other and that we've been able to talk and all. It's good to hear things are going good for you and that's how I want them to be. I always will care about you no matter what. Also, keep that attitude of screw what everyone thinks because seriously, screw em. You'll always have a place in my heart, you know that :)
Sarah: I haven't talked to you in awhile and I hope things are going good for you. You have always been someone I could turn to and I appreciate your honesty when talking to me and listening to my troubles. Your like the sister I've never had and I will always be there for you just like a big brother would. I won't be able to be there too much for obvious reasons, but you know what I mean. Always here for you, Sarah. Kunichiwa!
Andrew: It's been a long time I know. We were both angry with each other and I'm sorry for my end of it. Before I leave I'll try to make it up to you, but if its not possible then know that you will always be one of the bestest friends I have ever had the honor of having. You have been through so much with me and I never want to lose you as a friend. I love you like a fucking brother man and don't you ever forget that. My schwartz will always be bigger than yours though :) I love you, bro!
Ashleigh: We've been hanging out for the past few days and it has been the best. I've been able to talk to you and you actually listen to me. I hope I do the same for you and that you know that I'm there for you as much as is possible to be. I like your honesty with me and in general and I've come to admire your personality. Your seriously one of the coolest people I know and I just want to say that don't ever worry about what people think, not that you do, but don't let people get to you. Your so much better than them and you never will have to prove it because your real friends already know it to be true. I will miss you very much and I hope that things work out for you in general and that you get everything you want and more. Much love, Ashleigh! <3
Rachel: Oh my god, your seriously one of the funniest fucking people I have ever met. I love your care-free personality and attitude so much, don't ever change please! Thanks so much for helping me out during that week, you helped so much and you were right. God I will miss hearing you come up with the most random things that are just too fucking funny to not laugh at. Thank you for being, you. Love you, Rachel!
Kathryn: Where do I begin? You have been such a refreshing person to be around. I love your honesty about things and your down to earth attitude. Thank you so much for making time to chill with me, it meant so much to know that a friend would be willing to cancel plans she had already just to spend the day with me. You get to now always remember me when you think of Disneyland since I was the first guy you ever went alone with to the magical kingdom :). Don't change, ever! God I will miss you so much Kathryn. Love you babe <3
Natalye: Don't think I would ever forget about you :). We haven't talked in forever, but I want to say that you are such a cool girl and I hope everything is working out for you. I don't know what you've been up to lately, so whatever it is, it better be good! Don't ever get involved in the drama of high school if you can help it. It's not worth the hurt, bullshit, sadness, etc. Hope to see you around someday.
Jessica B.: How could I ever forget my little southern accent, Jessica? I haven't seen you in awhile and hopefully before I leave I'll get to, but if I don't I want to say that you are always so fun to hang out with. I always have thought of you as a little sister and so I've always made it a point to protect you if possible, though you are very capable of defending yourself :D. I will miss your silliness and your laid back attitude. Don't change for others and always be yourself. Love you so much, babe!
Jessica H.: Haven't known you as long as some of the others, but I want to say thanks for always inviting me to your parties and all. You have always been nice to me without knowing me all too well and I really appreciate that. I will miss the parties, since I always end up meeting people I've never before and seeing others that I haven't in awhile which is always great. Thanks again so much, Jessica. :)
Drew: Dude, oh man. Your so fucking chill its unbelievable. I used to think you were so whack, but you've changed alot and your so great. If you didn't know, Chris always thought of you as a bro and he thinks your one of the coolest guys around. Don't ever fucking change, Drew! Your fine just the way you are and fuck what everyone else thinks. I'm going to miss you alot man, you have no idea! :D
There are just so many of you, oh my god. I love you all so much and I will miss every single one of you. I wish I could have done some things differently, but of course that isn't possible. I hope that after the first 3 months I'm gone for boot camp and when I come back to visit, that you'll all be around. God...I will miss every fucking one of you! I will miss all the great times I've had with you all and how you all invite me even though I don't even go to the same school as you and am older. You've all treated me as a friend and never have let the reasons I just stated ever get in the way of that. Thank you ALL for that! When I find out where I'll be stationed and all, I will have my mom post the info here and on LJ so if any of you want to write me you can. If you do, please write whatever you want, its just me and I don't judge! Send lots of pics too if you can!!! I want to see what's up and remember how you all are. One last time....I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!