Cooperation
I've noticed a pattern in myself of feeling guilty for not having done something right and then relieved when I do something else right. I feel like I'm more sensitive to my own mistakes the more time I spend here.
I might have mentioned before that one of our Japanese Speaking teachers pointed out that advanced learners of a language are in a particularly difficult situation: a lot of the time they know enough to express their thoughts somehow, but not necessarily in the most eloquent or appropriate way. For beginners in a language that's not such a big deal, because people are more likely to give the benefit of the doubt to a person who is obviously struggling to communicate. But if an advanced learner, who is often fluent and confident in her own abilities, says or does something linguistically or culturally odd, it's possible that people will think that it's not a language problem, but rather a problem with that person's character.
Misunderstandings often happen in one's native language too, the only difference is that it's easier to work through them in your mother tongue. An advanced learner probably does not yet have the linguistic and cultural knowledge to solve that kind of problem without a fair amount of goodwill and understanding on the part of the person he's communicating with.
When you think about it, that's frightfully discouraging. I could be offending people left and right without even knowing it, and maybe no one's telling me because they just assume there's something wrong with me. And I'm sure I'm not only first person who often finds myself hesitating to get involved in something because I'm worried that I'll screw up and make a terrible impression.
Fortunately the people at ICU in general and my dorm in particular are fantastically encouraging. I wonder if they went to lectures about how to deal with exchange students, the same way we went to lectures about how to deal with life in Japan.
It'd probably go something like this:
To domestic students: if exchange students don't do something they should have done or if they do something that seems weird, it's probably because they didn't know that they had to do it or how to do it, so try and find a way of having them find out what they should have done that is sufficiently direct that they understand but sufficiently indirect to keep them from feeling that they've committed some horrific social faux pas. A lot of the time they'll figure it out by seeing what you do. Try and imagine how hard it must be for them to feel comfortable in social and other situations considering the difficulties they have expressing themselves in their own language and culture, much less one that they've only just started learning about. Also, make sure you provide lots of positive reinforcement for when they get it right, or when they're obviously making an effort. That will encourage them to keep trying.
On the other hand...
To exchange students: if you're at all conscientious, in all kinds of situations, there will be a lot of times when you will realize a little too late that you didn't do something that should have done, or that you should have done something differently from how you did it. Don't worry about it too much; people aren't going to assume that you are being rude. Don't avoid social situations just because you're afraid of not doing things correctly. Any effort that you make will be appreciated, so try to allow that appreciation to cancel out any embarrassment you have for screwing up the first time. You'll get it right soon enough. The people you interact with are trying to encourage you, so make sure to encourage yourself as well.
But then again, some exchange students are rude and insensitive and can't be bothered to do the things they're supposed to do. Hmm, what then?
I might have mentioned before that one of our Japanese Speaking teachers pointed out that advanced learners of a language are in a particularly difficult situation: a lot of the time they know enough to express their thoughts somehow, but not necessarily in the most eloquent or appropriate way. For beginners in a language that's not such a big deal, because people are more likely to give the benefit of the doubt to a person who is obviously struggling to communicate. But if an advanced learner, who is often fluent and confident in her own abilities, says or does something linguistically or culturally odd, it's possible that people will think that it's not a language problem, but rather a problem with that person's character.
Misunderstandings often happen in one's native language too, the only difference is that it's easier to work through them in your mother tongue. An advanced learner probably does not yet have the linguistic and cultural knowledge to solve that kind of problem without a fair amount of goodwill and understanding on the part of the person he's communicating with.
When you think about it, that's frightfully discouraging. I could be offending people left and right without even knowing it, and maybe no one's telling me because they just assume there's something wrong with me. And I'm sure I'm not only first person who often finds myself hesitating to get involved in something because I'm worried that I'll screw up and make a terrible impression.
Fortunately the people at ICU in general and my dorm in particular are fantastically encouraging. I wonder if they went to lectures about how to deal with exchange students, the same way we went to lectures about how to deal with life in Japan.
It'd probably go something like this:
To domestic students: if exchange students don't do something they should have done or if they do something that seems weird, it's probably because they didn't know that they had to do it or how to do it, so try and find a way of having them find out what they should have done that is sufficiently direct that they understand but sufficiently indirect to keep them from feeling that they've committed some horrific social faux pas. A lot of the time they'll figure it out by seeing what you do. Try and imagine how hard it must be for them to feel comfortable in social and other situations considering the difficulties they have expressing themselves in their own language and culture, much less one that they've only just started learning about. Also, make sure you provide lots of positive reinforcement for when they get it right, or when they're obviously making an effort. That will encourage them to keep trying.
On the other hand...
To exchange students: if you're at all conscientious, in all kinds of situations, there will be a lot of times when you will realize a little too late that you didn't do something that should have done, or that you should have done something differently from how you did it. Don't worry about it too much; people aren't going to assume that you are being rude. Don't avoid social situations just because you're afraid of not doing things correctly. Any effort that you make will be appreciated, so try to allow that appreciation to cancel out any embarrassment you have for screwing up the first time. You'll get it right soon enough. The people you interact with are trying to encourage you, so make sure to encourage yourself as well.
But then again, some exchange students are rude and insensitive and can't be bothered to do the things they're supposed to do. Hmm, what then?