anxiety and relationship
I have a lot of words swirling around in my head. This is totally not an uncommon thing for me to experience on any given night. How many hours and nights of sleep have I lost in this schertzo dance with my anxiety? Too many to count. I hate this life-long condition. I hate the combination of genetics and experiences that have brought me here. However much I might hate this, just plain hating something doesn't change it. I have to take steps to change it. I am starting to take steps to change it. I wish I knew how to take bigger and faster steps, but I know enough to know that the process doesn't work in that manner.
I don't know what do in this world of swirling emotions. On the one hand, I've been dating someone absolutely wonderful for a few months. Someone I can actually picture a potential future with. On the other hand, the anxiety part of my brain tries to tell me that I'm going to do something to make him leave. Something about me will cause this person to never want to be with me again. How messed up is that? Why can't I just be happy? Why won't the anxiety part of my brain just leave me alone? Stop making me remember the things that I just want to forget. Stop interfering in my attempt to be happy in this relationship with this wonderful man. Stop this bullshit. Stop trying to make me think and feel things that aren't true.
I don't want a lot of things. Don't want a fancy car or huge house or lots of stuff. I just want to wake up and fall asleep staring into your ratty, tranny, whiskers-face eyes, melting into your arms.
I don't know what do in this world of swirling emotions. On the one hand, I've been dating someone absolutely wonderful for a few months. Someone I can actually picture a potential future with. On the other hand, the anxiety part of my brain tries to tell me that I'm going to do something to make him leave. Something about me will cause this person to never want to be with me again. How messed up is that? Why can't I just be happy? Why won't the anxiety part of my brain just leave me alone? Stop making me remember the things that I just want to forget. Stop interfering in my attempt to be happy in this relationship with this wonderful man. Stop this bullshit. Stop trying to make me think and feel things that aren't true.
I don't want a lot of things. Don't want a fancy car or huge house or lots of stuff. I just want to wake up and fall asleep staring into your ratty, tranny, whiskers-face eyes, melting into your arms.