(no subject)
I realized today that theres an incomparable euphoria in sharing. I don't mean sharing food or your xbox with your little brother, but rather opening up yourself with others. That sounds like a load of philosophical new agey bs, but I don't mean it in an abstract way, but rather a really really concrete way. I remember the first girl I really asked out, in 8th grade. I didn't have a clue if she would say yes or no, it was just a sort of go with it and see what happens kinda thing. She didn't have a clue that I liked her. It was, literally, craziness, opening up the truth inside of me, and sharing it, exposing it to another person. But, think back on things like that that you've done. What I recall most about it was this crazy, giddy, incredibly wonderful adrenaline rush that I got out of it. Theres nothing like it, though I've felt it at other times. The anticipation of the response, the uncertainty of the reception, the magnitude of the consequences, are all phenomenal and aweing. Some of you might know, I write alot of poetry. But, I don't really like to let people read it. Its very personal, it says more about what I'm thinking and feeling and am, than these entries ever could. It is for me very strong. But I don't show anyone it. In the past 6 months, I have showed two people poems. And this is what got me started on this. Before we dated, I showed Adrienne a poem I wrote about her. Today, I was being nice to Shazeen and wrote her a random poem, and gave it to her. Both times, I felt this crazy little rush, just like when I asked that girl out in 8th grade. There are other, similar situations I've been in, where revealing that bit of you send you down that crazy rollercoaster. I would encourage people to do it. Say what they feel, open up, etc. Its a crazy sensation, see someone know you that well.
Well, thats it for tonight. Gotta go make the usual call ;-p. Instead of the usual song, I think tonight I'll leave you with the two poems. I hope Shazeen and Adrienne don't mind. It is, I suppose, as much a part of them as it is of me.
The Strength Beneath
Moments now, when I can tell,
Shes living in, her living hell.
She pulls the shroud, to mask the pain,
Afraid to face the truth's disdain.
Theres times when weight is added on,
When life is pounds to bear.
These times its much too much to hold,
its times when others care.
Sometimes I see her satisfied;
life holds just what she needs.
And other times, shes dignified;
undaunted down by deeds.
Sometimes I'll see the happiness.
(Its these times one takes to heart)
Sometimes they're there, and far too rare,
but always, they're a start.
There is a mess of contradictions,
wrought beneath the surface, fair.
Problems, solved and failed to fix then,
belie the backbone there.
Its strange to think such strength be found,
in slight, the small, the good.
But when one looks, it does abound,
and then one knows it should.
Only Adrienne
She smiles sweet to hide a frown,
won’t deign to depend when she’s down.
Independence to a T,
Well thats just Adrienne to me.
Its all a secret, down inside,
something sacred, meant to hide.
I steal it out in moments far too brief,
when she opens up to feeling's theif.
Too fair to cry and part with tears,
gazes with an eye beyond her years.
Comprehension passed where it would-should be,
but thats just Adrienne to me.
She trusts too quickly, and too slow.
She said a yes, but it meant a no.
What does it take to see inside,
for trust to break her stubborn pride.
She frowns at me, to hide a grin,
and for a moment I'm within.
She’s something altogether different I can see,
and shes just Adrienne to me.
gnight kiddos
<3mike
Well, thats it for tonight. Gotta go make the usual call ;-p. Instead of the usual song, I think tonight I'll leave you with the two poems. I hope Shazeen and Adrienne don't mind. It is, I suppose, as much a part of them as it is of me.
The Strength Beneath
Moments now, when I can tell,
Shes living in, her living hell.
She pulls the shroud, to mask the pain,
Afraid to face the truth's disdain.
Theres times when weight is added on,
When life is pounds to bear.
These times its much too much to hold,
its times when others care.
Sometimes I see her satisfied;
life holds just what she needs.
And other times, shes dignified;
undaunted down by deeds.
Sometimes I'll see the happiness.
(Its these times one takes to heart)
Sometimes they're there, and far too rare,
but always, they're a start.
There is a mess of contradictions,
wrought beneath the surface, fair.
Problems, solved and failed to fix then,
belie the backbone there.
Its strange to think such strength be found,
in slight, the small, the good.
But when one looks, it does abound,
and then one knows it should.
Only Adrienne
She smiles sweet to hide a frown,
won’t deign to depend when she’s down.
Independence to a T,
Well thats just Adrienne to me.
Its all a secret, down inside,
something sacred, meant to hide.
I steal it out in moments far too brief,
when she opens up to feeling's theif.
Too fair to cry and part with tears,
gazes with an eye beyond her years.
Comprehension passed where it would-should be,
but thats just Adrienne to me.
She trusts too quickly, and too slow.
She said a yes, but it meant a no.
What does it take to see inside,
for trust to break her stubborn pride.
She frowns at me, to hide a grin,
and for a moment I'm within.
She’s something altogether different I can see,
and shes just Adrienne to me.
gnight kiddos
<3mike