Alright, I get it already
Sometimes, somehow, you just know.
Times up, in a way, and life rolls forward.
Lately, I've thought alot about what to do. Do I want to fight and try to get her back? But where would that get me, and what would that pit me against, something against which I could never win. In other ways too. Life is awfully confusing, it can throw in the most random twists and turns on you out of nowhere, and it makes you think that, perhaps, theres really a change, a transformation occuring somewhere, only to be assured later that its business as usual. I just deleted like 30 lines of text. I could be really open and tell you about the four girls I've really really liked throughout high school (there have been others, but nothing else recurring), but, in retrospect, its just messy, so nevermind. What this post is really about is the message. Have you ever, in a moment, suddenly felt and understood what to do? The path to take. Today, I did. And I wish I was better at it, but I'm sure its right. Its not fun, or anything near it, but its what will work best for me, and for everyone else too, I think. I've spent forever trying, snatching, scrapping by. It's time to let it rest. What happens, happens. What is meant to be, I think, will ultimatly be, one way or the other. Ironically, it's not the lazy way out, by any means, in fact, for me, it is probably the most difficult path of all to take. Faith in anything is my biggest struggle. I can never be content, or sure, of anything. Its a strength, and a weakness, I suppose, to always ask the follow-up question. I did, today. We were riding in the car on the way home from the sonics game, and I was thinking. Suddenly, the most complete wave of despair swept over me. I hit a realization that it all, really was, all or nothing. In life there is no middle ground, I hate to say it. You win, or you lose. You can argue this with me, if you like, but its a fact. Winning and losing aren't the best terms to describe it, being so polarized, but in all things there is the right and wrong, success and failure. There are, I feel, absolutes. Lines drawn parting them. Its possible to fall in between, but that, I feel, would be failing too. Anything less than the best. Settling, with your one chance. I can't tell where this is going. The point, I suppose, is that all the efforts I put forth, got nowhere, and the times I just let it go, let it be, as hard as it was, were the best. It comes out of nowhere, from when and where you never suspected it.
Times up, in a way, and life rolls forward.
Lately, I've thought alot about what to do. Do I want to fight and try to get her back? But where would that get me, and what would that pit me against, something against which I could never win. In other ways too. Life is awfully confusing, it can throw in the most random twists and turns on you out of nowhere, and it makes you think that, perhaps, theres really a change, a transformation occuring somewhere, only to be assured later that its business as usual. I just deleted like 30 lines of text. I could be really open and tell you about the four girls I've really really liked throughout high school (there have been others, but nothing else recurring), but, in retrospect, its just messy, so nevermind. What this post is really about is the message. Have you ever, in a moment, suddenly felt and understood what to do? The path to take. Today, I did. And I wish I was better at it, but I'm sure its right. Its not fun, or anything near it, but its what will work best for me, and for everyone else too, I think. I've spent forever trying, snatching, scrapping by. It's time to let it rest. What happens, happens. What is meant to be, I think, will ultimatly be, one way or the other. Ironically, it's not the lazy way out, by any means, in fact, for me, it is probably the most difficult path of all to take. Faith in anything is my biggest struggle. I can never be content, or sure, of anything. Its a strength, and a weakness, I suppose, to always ask the follow-up question. I did, today. We were riding in the car on the way home from the sonics game, and I was thinking. Suddenly, the most complete wave of despair swept over me. I hit a realization that it all, really was, all or nothing. In life there is no middle ground, I hate to say it. You win, or you lose. You can argue this with me, if you like, but its a fact. Winning and losing aren't the best terms to describe it, being so polarized, but in all things there is the right and wrong, success and failure. There are, I feel, absolutes. Lines drawn parting them. Its possible to fall in between, but that, I feel, would be failing too. Anything less than the best. Settling, with your one chance. I can't tell where this is going. The point, I suppose, is that all the efforts I put forth, got nowhere, and the times I just let it go, let it be, as hard as it was, were the best. It comes out of nowhere, from when and where you never suspected it.