serial planes = serious pain
well,
right now i'm sitting at my drafting table underneath my loft bed in my dorm room waiting for sarah (my roommate) to get done with her visual dynamics homework so that we can walk over to our friends apartment and eat some ice cream we left in her freezer last weekend (ben & jerry's, of course).
tonight will be a long night.
i am putting off my homework (which is due tomorrow), partly because i'm so focused on that cherry garcia and partly because i hate doing anything for my space, forms & materials class. it's just one of those classes that forces you into precision and fosters meticulous habits in naturally messy human beings like myself.
combining math and art does not compute with me.
but i am learning.
they call it learning to be "professional."
i am actually learning quite a lot.
i have the most brilliant asian man teaching my advanced visual statements class (aren't these class titles ridiculous?) that manages to thoroughly blow my mind with every class period. i've been meeting some really brilliant kids, too. it's odd (and will sound kind of lame) but i just don't think i've felt this intellectually stimulated in a really long time. granted, that's probably due in large part to the giant wave of apathy that seemed to swallow me for most of high school (i.e. my own doing) but regardless, it's refreshing to have left that behind.
i feel good about having made this decision and know that it is perhaps the best thing i have ever done for myself, but sometimes i look around and the enormity of it hits me all at once and i'm left feeling like such a child, like i jumped the gun and am in way over my head. this weekend while we were standing on the corner waiting to catch the 15 home i felt like i'd been suddenly swallowed by reality. i know this is right and i know this is good, but it's still such a strange thing to come to terms with, leaving everything you've ever known behind. it's weird to see white buick le sabre's and hear about hurricane warnings and say "that's not my life anymore." i feel like every conversation is riddled with 'used to' and '-ed' hitches itself to every other word. i want this to sink in. i want it to hit me and i want it to stick. i want to move forward. i will always miss the manhataz and all that i built for myself in west palm beach, but holding on to past routine is what's keeping me from fully adopting this new place as mine. i want to belong here. i need to let myself belong here or i feel like i'm dooming myself to a long four years of missing a home that's no longer there.
that being said, i don't mean to imply that i'm letting go of anyone. i'm just trying break my feeling that there's going to be a point at which this charade ends and i head home to pick up where i left off. i fantasize about holiday breaks for hours on end (usually during english and art history, which are horrendously boring) and get so excited at the thought of seeing everyone again.
but anyway,
it's getting colder here.
i like the smell of the cold.
and wearing sweaters RULES.
i need to get some new socks though.
higher ones.
my ankles are always cold.
right now i'm sitting at my drafting table underneath my loft bed in my dorm room waiting for sarah (my roommate) to get done with her visual dynamics homework so that we can walk over to our friends apartment and eat some ice cream we left in her freezer last weekend (ben & jerry's, of course).
tonight will be a long night.
i am putting off my homework (which is due tomorrow), partly because i'm so focused on that cherry garcia and partly because i hate doing anything for my space, forms & materials class. it's just one of those classes that forces you into precision and fosters meticulous habits in naturally messy human beings like myself.
combining math and art does not compute with me.
but i am learning.
they call it learning to be "professional."
i am actually learning quite a lot.
i have the most brilliant asian man teaching my advanced visual statements class (aren't these class titles ridiculous?) that manages to thoroughly blow my mind with every class period. i've been meeting some really brilliant kids, too. it's odd (and will sound kind of lame) but i just don't think i've felt this intellectually stimulated in a really long time. granted, that's probably due in large part to the giant wave of apathy that seemed to swallow me for most of high school (i.e. my own doing) but regardless, it's refreshing to have left that behind.
i feel good about having made this decision and know that it is perhaps the best thing i have ever done for myself, but sometimes i look around and the enormity of it hits me all at once and i'm left feeling like such a child, like i jumped the gun and am in way over my head. this weekend while we were standing on the corner waiting to catch the 15 home i felt like i'd been suddenly swallowed by reality. i know this is right and i know this is good, but it's still such a strange thing to come to terms with, leaving everything you've ever known behind. it's weird to see white buick le sabre's and hear about hurricane warnings and say "that's not my life anymore." i feel like every conversation is riddled with 'used to' and '-ed' hitches itself to every other word. i want this to sink in. i want it to hit me and i want it to stick. i want to move forward. i will always miss the manhataz and all that i built for myself in west palm beach, but holding on to past routine is what's keeping me from fully adopting this new place as mine. i want to belong here. i need to let myself belong here or i feel like i'm dooming myself to a long four years of missing a home that's no longer there.
that being said, i don't mean to imply that i'm letting go of anyone. i'm just trying break my feeling that there's going to be a point at which this charade ends and i head home to pick up where i left off. i fantasize about holiday breaks for hours on end (usually during english and art history, which are horrendously boring) and get so excited at the thought of seeing everyone again.
but anyway,
it's getting colder here.
i like the smell of the cold.
and wearing sweaters RULES.
i need to get some new socks though.
higher ones.
my ankles are always cold.