terrified
I've finally found a girlfriend. She likes me, she likes my body.
I've made her cum, hard, on my fingers and my tongue. Apparently for a beginner I'm very good.
But I can't cum when she's doing things to me. Can rarely even stay hard. Even jacking off in her presence, there's some invisible barrier I can't get past, no matter how good it feels. And it makes me wonder--just what's wrong with me? Have I relied so heavily on pornography for the past ten years that now that I finally have someone sucking my cock, it seems mundane by comparison? Or maybe it's a vicious cycle--now every time she's trying to make me feel good, I'm thinking about the problems I've had before, and that makes me nervous, which takes away my arousal.
Maybe I'm gay. Maybe all that yaoi was what I was really leaning towards and the hentai on the side was a way to claim I was still straight. But that doesn't make sense, because kissing her, rubbing against her, being with her--all those make me hard as a rock. It's just when it's actually my turn to get pleased, I can't concentrate on the pleasure.
I wish we could move up to sex. Even someone as distracted as me can stay hard for that.
I've made her cum, hard, on my fingers and my tongue. Apparently for a beginner I'm very good.
But I can't cum when she's doing things to me. Can rarely even stay hard. Even jacking off in her presence, there's some invisible barrier I can't get past, no matter how good it feels. And it makes me wonder--just what's wrong with me? Have I relied so heavily on pornography for the past ten years that now that I finally have someone sucking my cock, it seems mundane by comparison? Or maybe it's a vicious cycle--now every time she's trying to make me feel good, I'm thinking about the problems I've had before, and that makes me nervous, which takes away my arousal.
Maybe I'm gay. Maybe all that yaoi was what I was really leaning towards and the hentai on the side was a way to claim I was still straight. But that doesn't make sense, because kissing her, rubbing against her, being with her--all those make me hard as a rock. It's just when it's actually my turn to get pleased, I can't concentrate on the pleasure.
I wish we could move up to sex. Even someone as distracted as me can stay hard for that.